Archive for the ‘Asians’ Category

If The Facts Of Life Were Set Today, in New York

Overweight Asian lady: Excuse me, miss, I'm holding the pole, do you mind?
Black lady: I'm sorry, but there's nowhere I can move to.
Asian lady: Well, can you just please not lean on it? You're squashing my hand.
Black lady (looking at Asian lady in amazement at her audacity): What time is it?
Asian lady: I could tell you, if you would stop leaning on my hand.
Black lady: It's rush hour! If you're not ready for this go back to suburbia, bitch! This is what happens on an overcrowded train in New York City. Look at this bitch next to me, she barely fits in the door, and she's not complaining. You know why? Cause she accepts it. Cause it's a fact of life! And you takin' up the whole middle isle…shame on you…lose some weight…go back to suburbia. There's plenty of room there. –L Train Overheard by: that's right, rush hour is tight

Who Says Life's No Picnic for New Yorkers?

Heavy-set and sweaty bus driver to woman with pizza: Lemme…uh…have that pizza. (woman smiles awkwardly, thinking it's a joke) I wasn't kidding. Lemme have that pizza. (woman holding a bag of cookies gets on bus with child)
Heavy-set and sweaty bus driver: Oh, lemme just…uh uh…have one of these…uh uh…cookies. (takes cookie)
Small Asian woman (taken aback and extremely confused): What? You can't take these.
(bus driver stuffs cookie in mouth and ignores woman)
Bus driver, on PA: Lady, these are some good cookies. –Uptown Bus to Met from Port Authority

Why Stop There?

Asian girl #1: We can pretend you’re a celeb — claim to be Lucy Lui’s cousins or something.
Asian girl #2: I used to be able to pass for Michelle Kwan… Don’t know how much of a celeb she is, though. People have asked for my autograph. I looked much more like her when I was younger.
Asian girl #1: Oh my god, I would sell your kid pics on eBay if I had no conscience. –6th Ave & Waverly Pl Overheard by: christine y0

Those Jews and Their Wednesday One-liners

Asian guy: Are there really this many Israelis in New York? –61st & 5th Overheard by: Adam Shprintzen Tourist girl: What’s a knish? I don’t know about these flavors. Can I get a plain one? –Yonah Schimmel’s Knishery, Houston Street White girl: There’s really no difference between gay guys and Jewish guys…Just the hat and a little ass-fucking, but other than that they’re pretty much the same. –184th & Bennett Girl: I don’t know if it’s an ego thing or what, but Jews really turn me on! –French Roast Cafe, West 11th Street Overheard by: Dottie McFarland