Archive for the ‘Ass’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Working on a Perfume Line

Flustered suit pacing along street: Just letting you know I got a FedEx from Bruce Willis, I guess he finally decided to pay his bills. –84th St Overheard by: mikaela Man to dinner companion: So did you know Mia Farrow is doing a hunger strike? Because of what's happening in Darfur? I hope she dies. –Red Bamboo, West Village Transvestite: Damn, that girl looks like Brooke Shields. Damn, that white girl in the blue shoes looks like Brooke Shields. –4 Train Man giving out Metro newspaper: Metro! Metro! Whoooeee, baby, you looking like Jennifer Lopez! Metro! –7 Train Suit on cell: If he does it again I am going to get all Chuck Woolery on his ass! –Gold St

Wednesdays Strap on Their One-Liners

Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs? –Greenpoint Ave Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink? –Cook St & Bushwick Ave Overheard by: cameo Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious! –Rockafeller Plaza Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy! –Pillow Fight, Union Square Overheard by: Anna P. Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden! –37th St & 8th Ave 20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys! –Topshop

Blow It Out Your Wednesday One-Liner

Well-dressed British man on cell, as he walks oddly: Listen girl, I farted so hard yesterday I blasted half my ass off. (pause) No, seriously! I am still walking funny! –24th St b/w 6th & 7th Overheard by: Joseph Teenage boy to another: One time this hot bitch farted on my lap, and I didn't know what to do. –12th St & University Place Crazy hobo sitting on blanket: I used to wear underwear, but then I farted and left a stain, so decided no more. Can anyone spare any change? –87th & Broadway Overheard by: Nynanny Girl from Louisiana: What can I say? I'm a Southern girl. I fart crawfish. –McLean Ave, Yonkers Woman on phone: Well, the romance is out of my life: this morning Greg came in my mouth, then straight away leaned back and farted. –Beard St & Van Brunt St, Brooklyn Overheard by: craig hunter

Scarlett Johansson's Wearing Wednesday One-Liners This Season

(Asian tourist walks onto subway with large panda-head shaped hat)
Random guy: Take off that silly ass hat! –Uptown 1 Train Guy: When I wear my other coat, I look like a yak. –Mott St Overheard by: robin Thug to friend: I totally know fashion designers. I know who Hill-finger is. –Thompson Street, SoHo Drunk guy to orthodox Jew: Nice lid. –Near Herald Square Guy walking out of subway: Then she came in and told me to put the mask on. –6 Train Overheard by: Sarah History teacher to class: Now, if you want a decent straw hat, do not make one. –Millennium High School Overheard by: Adriana

Wednesday One-Liners Put Them on One Leg at a Time

Boy to girl: Does it look like my ass is eating my pants? –Brooklyn Tech Overheard by: Julie Eight-year old girl: It’s not me, it’s the pants! It’s the pants! –81st & Roosevelt Ave Overheard by: Jobee Woman on cell: No. No. Absolutely not. Look, would you please put some pants on? –8th & Broadway Cop to his cop friends: My buns don’t look good in these pants. But hey, what can you do? It’s part of the uniform. –Times Square Shuttle Station Overheard by: Heather Girl on cell: Do you have to shit? Oh… So go in your pants! –Union Square Overheard by: Shira Incredulous thug to friend: You drop your pants to hop the train? –W. Houston & 1st Ave Overheard by: Jon A.