Archive for the ‘Ass’ Category

Wednesday Fatty-Boombalatty-Liners

Girls looking at pictures: He was mad fat, but he was a good ass baby. –Uptown A Train Guy walking through sea of sun bathers: There aren't even that many fat people here… That's good. –Sheep Meadow, Central Park Guy on cell: You're not skinny fat, no. –East Village Guy on cell phone: You mean you're not going to fatso's wedding! –N Train Overheard by: wasn't even invited Female suit: Why the hell does Weight Watchers have so many big fat people working in their offices, anyway? That's so not inspiring! –40th & Madison Ave Guy on phone: You mean the really nice one? She got big? What do you mean by big? (pause) Oh. Well, she has an exceptionally beautiful face, man. Do the right thing. –9th & 15th Overheard by: Courtney

Wednesday Will Go Nazarene on Your One-Liners

Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass. –Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Emily B. 40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there? –Starbucks Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior. –Queens College Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along. –22nd St & Park Ave Overheard by: Rachel Peters Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow! –B44 Bus Overheard by: Micah Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular! –Union Square Overheard by: Smudge

The Wednesday Bone's Connected to the One-Liner Bone…

Man with beard to friend: You should stick with her. I mean, she's giving you her kidney! –77th & Columbus Teen hipster, commenting on girl's nose: It's not too nosy, but you know it's a nose. –Starbucks, 71st & Broadway Overheard by: Maddie Girl: She just really needs that second body, you know? –W 16th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Emily B. Guy yelling to friend: So I said "My rectum? My rectum!?" –Broadway & John St Guy on phone: No, bitch, you rub my belly! –Houston St Conductor over intercom, after train stops: Folks, I apologize for the delay, the conductor had to make a pit stop…when you get old, your kidneys start to fail. –Metro North Train Overheard by: Kristin

Promoting Sexy Racist Stereotypes: the Women

Hispanic girl: …yeah, I like that, it’s cool, but do they have it in a 16?
White girl: I think they only have 12s and 6s left.
Hispanic girl: Well, I’m not really a 16. It’s just this huge ass I have here. If you don’t count that, I’m a 12. –Old Navy, Chelsea Girl #1: I didn’t ask to be born.
Girl #2: Yeah, I didn’t ask our parents to be born into this cold, hard, cruel world.
Girl #1: Yeah!
Girl #2: On top of everything I had to be born black too, and a woman!
Girl #1: Yeah!
Girl #2: …but I was born light-skinned and have a big ass! –Matsuri, Chelsea Overheard by: Tamika J.

Thanks, Charles Atlas!

Ghetto girl #1: Girl! I ain’t seen you in forever!
Ghetto girl #2: Yeah! How ya been?
Ghetto girl #1 pointing to her ass: Look! Mmm!
Ghetto girl #2: Huh?
Ghetto girl #1: Last time you saw me I ain’t got no ass! Now… I got an ass!
Ghetto girl #2: Ohhh! Bye! –35th & 8th Overheard by: Dan

Every Wednesday One-Liner Has Its Price

Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets. –10 Rockefeller Plaza Overheard by: Jarrod Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options. –Grand St, Chinatown Overheard by: Mike Posillico Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song. –Bx15 Bus Overheard by: Karly Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold! –34th & 3rd Overheard by: Dahouhou Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there. –14th St, across Doomed Megastore Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin