Archive for the ‘Ass’ Category

Another Year Older and None the Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on cell: Happy birthday! (pause) Okay, call me when you're drunk!

–45th St

Girl on cell: Then when I volunteered to give her to him on his birthday.

–Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Vincent L.

Crazy guy: I'm turning 65 tomorrow… Stayin' away from hoes…

–St. Mark's & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Guy to friend: I am boycotting your birthday if I can see your butt cheeks in your outfit.

–23rd & 3rd

Every Wednesday One-Liner Has Its Price

Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.

–10 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Jarrod

Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.

–Grand St, Chinatown

Overheard by: Mike Posillico

Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.

–Bx15 Bus

Overheard by: Karly

Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: Dahouhou

Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.

–14th St, across Doomed Megastore

Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin

C’mon, Baby, Light My Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: You have to stop setting your brother on fire.

–Broadway

Overheard by: sandm

Student to professor: Urinating on fire? What the hell, Freud?

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Tool on cell: If burning leaves in the schoolyard is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!

–E 44th St & 2nd Ave

Blond woman: And that was the night I burned my eyebrows off!

–Union Square

Some guy: I spent all of last night searching my body for it, but I promise you if I find it, I’ll burn it.

–The Village

Older woman at art gallery, looking at the price list: That burns my ass. Sorry, but that burns my ass.

–57th St

Indignant, They Called the Humane Society

Dude #1: Yo, son! Son! Look at that horse!
Dude #2: Nah, I don’t like horses much.
Dude #1: No, son! Son! Look at what’s on the horse. Damn.
Dude #2: Damn! Mama Mia! That ass is bigger than the horse’s!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Lizzie-loo

Wednesday One-Liners Love the Rear Naked Choke

Girl to another: And she went to get into her car. I was like "you'd better get out of here or I'm gonna fuck you up." And she was all slamming the door and stopping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got into her car and left.

–NY Central Library

Overheard by: amused

Woman on cell: Hi, Annie! How are you? (pause) I'm going to get my ass kicked by a very big black man.

–Park Slope

Suit on cell: If you don't stop hanging up on me, I will kick you in the throat.

–Times Square

Guy on cell, very loudly: Yeah, but, so nobody knows about it except me and the other guys in the fight club.

–21st St & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

20-something girl: And then she chloroformed me. (pause) I said that too loud.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Russ