Archive for the ‘Asshole’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Don Protective Camouflage

Suit: So, you wanna bring the strippers to paintball? –45th St & Ave of the Americas Suit: They are not stupid people, even though they are from the Midwest. –53rd & Park Overheard by: MJ Suit: We’re meeting in conference room G, but there’s still blood in there from the last meeting. –53rd & Park Overheard by: Russo Suit whispering baby talk into another’s ear: Freddie, wash my butthole. –Brooklyn-bound Q train Late-50s suit to another: My next-door neighbors, they don’t know how to communicate with their Mexicans. –N & R platform, 49th St Overheard by: Wish I could have heard more Suit to another: I don’t care what they say — once a french maid, always a french maid. –Rockefeller Center Suit on cell: If it wasn’t for goat’s milk I don’t know how I would’ve made it through college. –45th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: y2jon

The Rectitude Of Wednesday One-Liners

Teenage girl to friend: I'm not even kidding, her asshole was *this* big! (connects her thumbs and pointer fingers making a large circle) –Central Park Zoo Overheard by: soccer mom Female suit to friends: And the old-timers were just such assholes… –Walker & W Broadway Overheard by: j Big squirming Latin kid: God! I got this burnin' in my asshole, man! –Xavier High School Overheard by: seriously? Concerned friend to sobbing girl: All you did wrong was sleep with him before you knew he was an asshole! –Coffeeshop, Park Slope Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Yo Momma So Wednesday, She One-Liners!

Woman on cell: Oh, and by the way, I called my mother to thank her. (pause) No, I said, "Mom, I'm calling on behalf of me and the girls to thank you very much." (longer pause) Well, she can just go fuck herself then. –90th & Amsterdam Ave Man on cell: You know a guy really likes a girl when he takes her home to meet his mom…and you know what, Sheila? You ain't never gonna meet my mom. –South Slope, Brooklyn Overheard by: smfd Female college student to friend: We really need to cougarize your mom. –111th & Broadway Overheard by: Oh really Guy: So, hey, my mom didn't die today. –W 26th & 8th Overheard by: Katie_AK Girl sneaking into open conductor's room in front of the train: Next stop, your mother's asshole! Stand clear of the closing cheeks! –6 Train Overheard by: Adriana Handbag seller on street corner: Yo! Tell yo mama I got her bag right here! –Times Square Overheard by: Taryn Girl on cell: Yeah, I'm bussin' it for now, my mom's on this thing that I have to show her responsibility… I know, it's like I get up in the morning, I haven't gotten arrested in a while, and I have a job, what more do you want from me? –Seguine Ave & Waterbury, Staten Island

Vanity, Thy Name Is Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: And I was like, "He bleaches his asshole, what does he know about anatomy?" –Pratt Institute, Brooklyn Seven-year-old girl to boy throwing mud at her: Watch it, Jakob! I wore eyeliner today! –Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn Very large woman on cell: It's called "Brazilian wax job." You only have to do it like every two weeks. Yep, it itches for a day or two, but it's worth every penny. –PATH Overheard by: Corey Young lady with long curly hair to girlfriend: So, I started drying my hair with paper towels recently. –Montague St, Brooklyn Overheard by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE! Outraged feminine gay guy to another: He's having his lips redone… again! –8th Ave & 20th St, Chelsea Overheard by: Evan Woman on cell: Girl, I don't understand why you gotta put on all that makeup just to go for a colonic! –Washington Heights

Melinda Experiences Multi-Level Embarrassment

Guy: I have a confession to make.
Girl: Can’t you make it to me after the movie?
Guy: I can’t help it, but I took a picture of your butthole last night while you were dozing.
Girl: You what?!
Obese lady in front row: Would you queers shut the fuck up?! I’m trying to watch this shit! –AMC Theater, 42nd St Overheard by: Scott

5-to-7-Day Liners

Girl: Lisa went down on me while I was on my period. I decided just to roll with it. –Frying Pan Bar Professor: Let's all go home and menstruate! My goal in this class is to get all of you on the same schedule. –NYU Overheard by: Leslie Upscale female suit on cell: I'm totally on the rag, but you can still lick my asshole. –Park Slope Overheard by: The Trooper Gay guy on cell: I'm so cranky, I feel like I'm a girl who's on her period and pregnant. –Park Ave & 29th St Big black guy, loudly on phone: Why you bitchin at me because I won't cleeeeen behind you? I'm not gonna clean your nasty period ass offa the toilet! (nearby people begin laughing) Bitch, even the people on the streets be laughing at you! –123rd St & Manhattan Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Treat Women and Men the Same

Film student: There's subtext to butt-sex? –School of Visual Arts Girl, to guy: Was your dick *in* my ass? Did we just do anal? –Lower East Side College girl: And my butthole is probably a lot tighter than hers. –LIRR Middle aged suit: I think I'd really enjoy anal because I always take such big craps. –Union Square Overheard by: alib Woman to friend: Did you know the latest teenage fad is butt sex? –177th St & Broadway