Archive for the ‘Asshole’ Category

JWowsday One-Liners

Older black man to younger black man: Yeah, cause you don't need to say you're from the Jers to pick up chicks, they ain't like that here, son. I mean, if she's mad hot then you can clue her in that you're from Jersey, but only if you think she can appreciate your flow… –Lafayette & St. James Frat boy crossing street: Butthole in New Jersey. –Flatbush Ave & 7th, Brooklyn Overheard by: Hunter Stoned-looking teen to friend: Are you from New Jersey? Maybe you told me, but I can just, like, sense it… –Union Square Overheard by: wgoddessw Guy to friend: Yeah, man, I was watching that show Jersey Shore the other night… Makes me glad I live on Long Island. –Penn Station Overheard by: Fistpump like a champ Stressed film major: You are going to give me that fucking power chord. Then I'm going to punch you in the vag. Then you're coming to New Jersey with me. –Tisch School of the Arts Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Wednesday One-Liners Watch Bruce Jenner's Colonoscopy on YouTube

Funny-looking guy with crazy goatee & glasses to the sales assistant by the table full of butt plugs: I'm friendly with this woman… She likes things in her ass. –Babeland, Lower East Side Overheard by: Lara Girl: It felt so good. He then stuck his finger up my ass. Just as I was about to say "No! No!" I came. Ugh, I swear my life is a joke… A joke! –Murray St & Greenwich Overheard by: James Guy talking way too loudly on cell: Man, I just lay her down and say, "baby, you put yo' tongue in daddy's ass! –W 3rd & MacDougal Overheard by: Mathieu Guy on cell: Cus he'd already been to the emergency room, 'cus he stuck a shampoo bottle up his ass. –L Train Thug to girl in catsuit costume walking by: Man, I'd eat yesterday's breakfast out of that ass! –42nd & 7th Overheard by: Ed

Wednesday One-Liners Are “Technical Virgins”

Slutty gay kid: My ass is not a storage shed for your dick. –6th Ave & W 11th St Overheard by: Matthew Man on cell on bench at midnight: It's like this: you either take it in the ass or suck dick. –Battery Park Overheard by: DAISYMAE Guy holding KY lube containers to passer-by: Hey, you want some for your girlfriend? You can put it on her asshole. –St. Mark's Overheard by: Kon Girl on cell: Maybe if you change your relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship", I'll let you have buttsex with me. –SoHo Overheard by: seal Blond suit screaming into BlackBerry: I said I don't want buttsex for Valentine's Day! –38th St & Broadway Overheard by: Kat

If Everybody You Meet Is a Wednesday One-Liner, Check the Mirror

Guy to friend: Yeah, Eric's an asshole, but he's like… my asshole. –11th & Broadway Overheard by: Z Man on cell: I enjoy sucking the wind out of assholes. –Brooklyn Public House Overheard by: In fairness, the conversation was about verbal bullies Girl: Wow, my asshole has just been all sorts of evil all day, I shat in four different bathrooms on this floor and the one up, so I wouldn't suffer alone. I shared its wrath. Is that wrong? –Office, Midtown Loud dude: My asshole is really fucking itchy! –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: urbanadventurer Crazy hobo: Attention everyone! You're all assholes! Stupid assholes!! –Park Row, near Brooklyn Bridge Overheard by: Hollister

Wednesday One-Liner, Dearest

Girl on cell: And you're leaving with a butthole the size of a pancake your mom cooked! (pause) You don't want that. –33rd & 6th Overheard by: Gaunt Ghetto fabulous teen boy: So I said, "What? Did you say you wanna fuck my motha'? Well I'm gonna fuck yo brotha!" –34th & 6th Overheard by: Fiona Woman outside store to a child speaking to her mother: What do you mean you don't like her? That's your mother, man! –125th & Park Ave Woman on phone: Hello? Yeah, how are you? (pause) So I didn't really deal with my mother's death because I wasn't sober then. –Starbucks Overheard by: Laura Man: Speaking of mother's graves, I want my urn back. –13th & Ave A Overheard by: erkala

Wednesday One-Liners: Unclean! Unclean!

20-something female on cell: But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs. –23rd St & 5th Ave Customer, after placing order: …with hardboiled eggs.
Gay waiter: Hardboiled eggs smell like dirty assholes, an I've seen a few dirty assholes. –Denny's Overheard by: student-19 Preppy guy on cell: No, dude! I don't know, like…like really dirty girls. –86th & Lexington Overheard by: Anne 12-year-old boy to mother: The bum, you know! The dirty man that plays with me. –Forest Parkway Overheard by: Jason A Guy dancing on new lawn: This isn't even good grass! It's dirty, yo! –Pratt Institute, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners, Cracked but Not Broken

Large woman attempting to sit down: Y'all better slide down, cause my ass is wide! –Downtown 4 Train Overheard by: squished Limping black hobo to preppy white male: Maaaaan…what's that got to do with wiping yo' ass? –10th Ave b/w 50th & 51st Middle aged man to daughter: Come on, let's go look for baby bottle butt! –H Mart Professor: I got excited because another man touched my ass in public! –Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Haven't we all? Seated man to mom letting her child run around restaurant: Your daughter just put her hand in my butt crack. –Park Slope

Are You Washed in the Wednesday One-Liners Of Jesus?

Teenage girl: My mom is always reminding me to lock my door because you got to worry about the bloods and the clots. –Uptown 2 Train Emo chick: So he goes to this party and he does it with this old guy. He pretty much went home with a bloody butthole. –Roseland Ballroom Overheard by: charlotte Suit on cell: Never in my life have I seen that much blood in the trunk of a car. –82nd & 3rd Overheard by: Karyn Small Asian girl to large drag queen: So then he, like, bit off his tongue and nearly bled to death. (long pause) Or maybe I was just high. –Elevator, Brooklyn