By and large

Former Columbia student: By and large, Barnard girls are Bi and Large. – East Village, private party full of recent Columbia alumni

That’s Public Service for You

One postal agent to other, speaking of the UPS agent nearby: Tell him to pick up all the heavy boxes, especially for the walk-ups. –Bleecker street Overheard by: Disco Lama

King Howard, ’04

Blowhard: America, like any country, is full of fucking idiots. I hate democracy because I hate these fucking people. Fuck democracy. I believe in fucking monarchy. –Belly Bar

Actually She Gave Me Some Good Chick Advice

Literary Agent: I’m full of shit. I can’t help it! –36th Street

Piss Off

Man Urinating Publicly: What do I care? I’m a convict! –Waverly Place Overheard by: Todd Seavey

Too Bad They Don’t Give You Poison, Too

Human Leech: Oh, what you have to do is calculate your monthly income–and make sure you include in that the amount of money that your parents give you every month. –Beacon’s Closet, Williamsburg

Classy Lady

Woman: Usually when the bill is over $70 a person I steal something. –Bensonhurst

Cell Phone Fun

Man on cell: I’ve got an idea. How about you go fuck yourself?…Say what? You don’t think so?

Overheard re: New Jersey

Schlub: …yeah, it’s the nicest place–
Loudmouth: Yeah, but it’s fuckin’ in New Jersey!
Schlub: Yeah…Jersey…fuckin’ Jersey. –Murray Hill deli Overheard by: Neelam S.

Readers: Suggest a Snappy Comeback

Male employee: Thank you, and have a nice day!
Female employee: It’s night time, you say have a good night. See the dark outside? –McDonald’s, Saint Mark’s Place