Archive for the ‘Assholes’ Category

Wednesday-One-Liners Prep for Their Roles in Mean Girls II

Woman on cell: I feel bad about ripping the kid off, but… –Fort Greene Park Overheard by: Zoe Suit: Well, apparently I’m part psychic and part asshole. –Union Square Overheard by: quite the combo Blue collar guy: I stopped giving to panhandlers 10 years ago. This guy hit me up every day at my stop and one day I gave him a sandwich and some cigarettes. I watched him and he threw the sandwich away. I went over to him and worked him over pretty bad. I dumped the trash can and took out the sandwich and then took the cigarettes away from him. Then I knocked him down again and took all the money out of his pockets. I was really mad when he threw that sandwich away. Now I never give anything to those guys.
Suit: Yep… –1 train, Houston St Overheard by: Amused Minnesotan Woman on cell: You see, this is why you just can’t be nice to people. I was nice to her once, once! And now she thinks we’re friends. Like I need this! –Bus stop near Radio City Music Hall Yuppie on cell: I don’t give a fuck about them. As long as I’m on their will, I don’t really give a shit. –34th St & 5th Ave Overheard by: Gunita Girl: So my grandma died last week and it sucked so bad, I had to drive all the way to Hartford on Saturday and I totally missed the huge sale at H&M. –Statue of Liberty Overheard by: SuziQ

Easter Isn’t Just About Cadbury Creme Eggs

Dealer: I got ecstacy, I got crystal meth, I got hydro…OK, y’all have a nice holiday. –Washington Square park Overheard by: Mark Asch Street Preacher: Have you found Jesus?!
Guy #1: Why? Did you lose him?
Street Preacher: Have you found your Lord, our Savior, Jesus Christ?
Guy #2: Next time, try using better fucking nails! –42nd & 8th Overheard by: eb Guy: I think her Easter eggs say “Satan” on them. –27th Street office

Democracy Clears Doesn’t Work; Back to Monarchy?

Wheeltard: Round here I’m just an idiot, but not in Brooklyn. I’m king in my neighborhood. When I cross that bridge and they see me comin’, they know I’m king. –Tompkins Square Park Overheard by: Alex Romanovich Girl: I don’t know who she thinks she is, but just because she’s got cancer doesn’t make her Queen Bitch. –Bleecker & Broadway Overheard by: Tony

And I Prefer to Be Called “Rubenesque”

Very loud woman: You ain’t gonna believe the shit that bitch said to me.
Friend: Who? Your friend?
Very loud woman: Yeah, that bitch, my friend. She ain’t my friend.
Friend: What she say?
Very loud woman: She say, ‘Oh, girl, I ain’t seen you in a long time — like weeks! You look so swollen! Why you so swollen?’ I was like, ‘Bitch, I ain’t swollen, I’m fat. Why you dissin’ me?’ –Starbucks, St. Mark’s

But White Cigarettes Are Okay?

Asshole: Hey, do you have a cigarette?
Stranger #1: No.
Stranger #2: You can have one of mine.
Asshole: Thanks, this guy (points) has some, but he won't give me one.
(stranger #1 gives asshole cigarette and a white lighter)
Asshole, lighting cigarette: Hey, you know white lighters are bad luck?
Stranger #1: So?
Asshole: You should get a new lighter.
Stranger #1: You should get your own fucking cigarette.
Stranger #2: Yeah, fuck you! –Hunter College Overheard by: off white