Archive for the ‘Astoria’ Category

Wednesday One-Minors

Two-year-old, pointing to Citibank: That's my bank!

–7th Ave & President St, Park Slope

Overheard by: But who's your insurance carrier?

Nine-year old boy on cell: Well, you know what? Fuck you! I'm going home! (slams cell shut and begins strutting across parking lot)

–Parking Lot, Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: WTF????

Ten-year-old girl in bathing suit to seven-year-old girl: Stop touching my ass. Whore!

–Park, Astoria

Little girl to group of little girls: Raise your hand if you're allergic to penicillin!

–R Train

Overheard by: cole

Little girl to friends, pointing at platform: That's where hobos live!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Three-year-old boy, eating hamburger: Cock cock cock cock!

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Alexis from Texas

Kid in cart at end of dairy aisle as man he came in with goes down aisle: Ssomeone's gonna take me! Someone's take me!

–Stop & Shop, Kingsbridge, Bronx

Overheard by: Krisztina

Who Let the Wednesday One-Liners Out?

Queer, to his German Shepherd: Steven, don’t play these mind games with me!

–23rd & 8th

Man, restraining his dog from following another dog across the street: C’mon, buddy. It wasn’t meant to be.

–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Woman dragging her dog away from another dog who is barking frantically: You know what? You’re just cuter than her. That’s why she’s so upset.

–Ditmars Blvd, Astoria

Overheard by: sara n.

Cop to his whining German Shepherd: Awww, what’s wrong baby? Did you see an asshole?

–West 4th Station

You Could Pay Him in Rolling Papers and Water Balloons

Young female attorney: So, I went to my cousin’s party the other night and did keg stands with her and her law school friends.
Young male attorney: No way.
Young female attorney: Yup. I even played beer pong and flip cup.
Young male attorney: I can’t believe you went to a law school party.
Young female attorney: Oh, it gets better. I was talking to this 24-year-old guy, and in my drunken state accidently mentioned the name of the firm, and he was all like, ‘Oh my god! My father works for that firm! Do you know Steve Callahan*?’
Young male attorney: Whoa.
Young female attorney: Yeah, so I tried bargaining with him, telling him I wouldn’t tell his father about how he spends his Thursday nights if he wouldn’t mention that he saw me there.
Young male attorney: Oh, so you should be okay, then.
Young female attorney: Not so much. He reminded me that in order to tell his father anything, I’d have to admit I was there.
Young male attorney: Touché. Looks like he chose the right profession… Do you think Callahan would let him be my intern this summer?

–In line for shish kebab vendor, Astoria