Man arguing with woman: I was single and drunk and shit happened.
–3rd Ave & 13th St
Man to woman: If I wasn't so diabetic I wouldn't have got so drunk.
–14th St & Ave A
Overheard by: S
Enthusiastic 30-something woman: This is a fine time for me to start drinking again!
–Blue Bar, Algonquin Hotel
Overheard by: Terry
Girl to friends: I don't think I'm a whore. It just enhances what you would normally do with less judgment.
–Astoria
Overheard by: The Princess og Fancy
Excited girl: I haven't drunk since the last time we drank!
–1st Ave & 7th St
Overheard by: Erin
Archive for the ‘Astoria’ Category
Do Girls Ever Wednesday One-Liner?
Hobo to passer-by: Arrrr! I'm a fart knocker!
–7th Ave & 25th St
Bimbette: Wow! I ate olives today and I didn't fart!
–L Train
Girl to friend: She farts makeup! She's so glamorous!
–Deli
Overheard by: Straining to hear the rest of the conversation…
30-something tall woman to friend: I used to live in three houses. Now I live in a closet. It's so small that I have to hang my parakeet out the window just to take a fart!
–Ave B & 3rd St
Overheard by: Mike
Older Greek lady to friend: I don't know Celia. I think it is better for everyone if I have gas.
–Astoria
Overheard by: David
Ada Had an Identical Conversation With the Doctor About Her Husband's Viagra Prescription
Older woman: Excuse me, have you found a set of keys in here?
Teller: No, ma'am.
Older woman: They're not mine, they're a friend's.
Teller: We haven't found any.
Older woman: If I lost my keys, I would be upset, and would want the the person who found them to give them back.
Teller: We haven't found your keys.
Older woman: If they were my keys I would be very upset right now.
–Bank, Astoria
Overheard by: Natalie
Let's Duke It Out, Freshwater Trout!
White guy exiting bodega: Yo! As-salam alaykum!
Middle Eastern guy behind counter: Hey! Kick his ass, sea-bass!
–Astoria
Overheard by: ChrisW
Wednesday One-Liners Get “The Girlfriend Experience”
Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!
–East Village
Overheard by: Matty Mac
Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!
–Brooklyn
Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?
–Mulberry
Overheard by: nina
Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."
–6 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!
–Astoria
Semen, Mostly.
Woman, seriously: I've had a lot spilled on me.
Man, equally seriously: I've spilled a lot on myself.
–Astoria
Astoria Itself Is Rather a Slap in the Face
Guy: I didn't realize your true nature till you slapped me in the face.
Girl: Right.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Natalie
Just When You Thought You'd Experienced All the Ways to Be Rejected by a Woman
Indian-looking woman in sari: Achoo! (sneezes)
Man: Bless you.
Indian-looking woman in sari: Oh, no. Thank you.
–Busy Laundromat, Astoria
Money Can't Buy Me Wednesday One-Liner
Girl on cell: And then she said "dammit, I'm in love with a 52-year-old gay man," and I was like "well, who isn't?"
–Astoria
Overheard by: AnotherFagHag
Man on cell: So I told her, "I missed you more than I loved you," but I didn't mean it in a bad way.
–6th Ave & 17th St
Overheard by: memzilla
Black student to black girl sitting next to him: See that's why niggas don't tell bitches they love 'em!
–St. John's University
Overheard by: naha
Thug on cell: No, no. I love your whole ass as issss.
–Broadway & Beaver
Girl to group of friends: Right, I'm so incapable of love because I think sex is gross!
–LIRR
Hot 20-something to another: Either he acts like he doesn't know me, or he is a total asshole. No wonder I'm in love with him.
–Union Square
Wednesday One-Liners Still Miss the Crocodile Hunter
Girl on iPhone: It's not like he's gone and, y'know, rescuing cheetahs…
–Astoria
Lone hobo: Thanks, god… for goats, people and buses.
–Manhattan Bridge
Woman on phone: Hi, honey. Did you find the frogs with the red eyes? (pause) Oh, do you think your mom will like the quail? (pause) It's 30% off, right?
–Lincoln Center
Subway drummer: This next one is called "moose call." it goes, "yo, moose!" (pause) Hey, I didn't write it, I just made it popular.
–Shuttle to Times Square
Overheard by: Media addict
French man: It's like doing a horse. Kick him in the ass and he will kick you right back.
–Long Island City
Overheard by: Sunny