Archive for the ‘Astoria’ Category

They Just Like Watching Us Scurry

Conductor #1: The arriving N train pulling into the station will be leaving first. I repeat, the arriving N train pulling into the station will be leaving first.
Conductor #2: This is the N train!
Conductor #1: Everyone get back on the train! Everyone get back on the train! –Ditmars Boulevard station

A Lovin’ Spoonful of Wednesday One-Liners

Little boy: I love Manhattan! I love Tic-Tacs! –Brooklyn Heights Wife to husband: No wonder your eyebrows are making love! –47th & 5th Overheard by: anon Biotech to texting friend: Now we’ll see how much he cares about you. I love testing people! –23rd Ave, Astoria Overheard by: sara n. Gleeful hobo rubbing stubble beard: I love my beard! Mmmm, I love you. –93rd & Broadway Overheard by: punkee Queer on cell: I don’t want love handles on love day! –Lafayette & Astor Woman on cell: Happy Valentine’s Day… Do you still love me, or do you hate me now? –Hudson St Overheard by: lilli

My Sister's Roommate's Cousin Knows Wednesday One-Liner's Agent

Young thug in crooked baseball hat to female friend: No, everyone should have the right to love Tom Cruise. –41st & Lexington 40-something Midwest tourist to 40-something friends: Yeah, this is where Miley Cyrus was staying. (points to Sheraton hotel, friends gasp in excitement) –53rd & 7th Tourist son to mom: Let's go to the park and watch Jerry Seinfeld play softball. –67th & Central Park West Overheard by: Q Random guy outside on corner: Yo, I just saw Phil Donahue. I just saw him walking down the street… (starts to sing in Cops theme song style) Whatchu gonna do when Phil Donahue comes for you? (pause) Yo, Phil Donahue is a crazy motherfucker! –Astoria Boulevard, Queens Girl on cell: Yeah, but I tower over him when I wear heels…and I'm not exactly sure if I'm ready to be Katie Holmes to his Tom Cruise. –33rd & Broadway Woman: Everywhere I go, I see either someone I know or a celebrity! –69th & Columbus Little boy to mother: Oooh…I thought Malcolm X was a singer. –Flatbush & Beekman Overheard by: Chelsea

Wednesday One-liners for Adoptionists

Crazy woman: I’m still alive and breathing, thank you very much, despite the best efforts of the Devil. –Food Court, Grand Central Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Wednesday One-Liners Love Drunk Talk

Drunk girl with tinsel in her hair: Alright, so why is in my history that it says ""? –Starbucks, Sheridan Square Drunk guy: The Amazins? Fuck them! The only amazin' thing about them is they never fucking win… –Downtown 6 Train Drunk man at 1:30 am: Vagina bar! –49th St, Astoria Drunk girlfriend to even drunker boyfriend: Ohmigod! I have to get up in five hours and teach! –116th St

Wednesday Puts Its One-Liners on One Leg at a Time

Guy on cell: In a wig, with his pants down, watching her from his car. –33rd St, Astoria Overheard by: Ferna Teen to another: Barack Obama said, "pull your pants up!" –Broadway & 72nd St NYU girl: I wanna do it, and I wanna do it in my pants box. –Weinstein Hall, NYU Border's employee to man sleeping in chair: Sir, could you please wake up? …and also zip up your pants. –Borders Guy on phone: Well, I guess I thought you might be kind of gay after you invited me to that "no pants" party. –Astoria