Passport agent in airport to everyone waiting to go into customs: Everyone with a US passport, up against that wall!
Man in line: Have things changed that much?
– JFK Airport
Archive for the ‘At the Airport’ Category
Why NY is not Minneapolis
Middle-aged man at the Minneapolis airport: “When Minnesota first got the lotto, they had the scratch-off lottery cards. I waited on line in a corner store, and the clerk asked me if I wanted to buy one and I said, ‘No. I do not play the lottery.’ The person behind me, as I was leaving, bought a ticket and won $1,000. The clerk turned to me and said, ‘See, you should have bought a ticket!’ and I said to her, ‘No, I’m glad I didn’t. Because I don’t play the lottery.’”
Georgia Out of My Mind
Woman: Where is Georgia anyway?
Her brother: It’s a state.
Woman: I know, but where is it?
Her brother: Down south somewhere.
–Newark Airport
Overheard by: Coffee
Kylie is Spinning in Her Grave
Gay #1: Have you ever seen Road Trip?
Gay #2: What?
Gay #1: Road Trip. Have you see it?
Gay #2: Yes.
Gay #1: I wanna dance like that.
–LaGuardia
…And Now, All the Bag Jews Follow Me
Stewardess: Please keep all your bags underneath the seat in front of you, cause I’m the bag Nazi and I’ll come back and yell at you! –Plane, LaGuardia
No, I Said He Likes Little Oys.
Airline employee #1: No, they wanted a rabbi who could dance…
Airline employee #2: I think he's a pedophile.
–JFK Terminal 8
Overheard by: lupos
Now If You Asked Where the Meth Was…
Police officer: Where's the fire?
Cab driver: What fire? I'm not a fireman!
–JFK Airport
Wednesday Mile-Highliners
Pilot: Passengers, please move your seat into the least comfortable position. We are now approaching LaGuardia intergalactic airport. I'm your pilot, T.J. Maxx.
–JetBlue Airplane
Pilot over intercom: We are about to depart, so please turn off your iPhones, Sidekicks, BlackBerrys, Blueberrys, Pinkberrys, Strawberrys and all other mobile devices. Even you, girl in the blue scarf.
–LaGuardia Flight
Flight attendant: In the meantime we ask that passengers please continue to use oxygen at their leisure.
–JFK
Bored-looking flight attendant, explaining how to board the plane in order: The letter on your boarding pass stands for the which group you may board with: a, b, or c. The number underneath stands for the amount of money you could save by switching to GEICO.
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Frequent Flyer
Maya Angelou Was a Tedious Child
Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I like flying.
Father: Why is that, honey?
Three-year-old girl: I like looking at the clouds. They are god's house.
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: Heather
Air Things Out?
Blonde chick: So who do you work for?
Guy: I'm a federal air marshal.
Blonde chick: So, um, are you like working? What do you guys do?
–LaGuardia Airport