Archive for the ‘At the Airport’ Category

Hey, Wednesday One-Liners, Cold Enough for You?

Woman on Bluetooth: How’s the weather like in your New York?

–33rd & Broadway

Old lady: Geez! Man! It is really cold here! [Looks at other lady] This is why I live in Brooklyn!

–96th & Broadway

Brit tourist to another: Eeee, I knew it were gonna be cold, but I forgot we’d have to, like, go outside.

–Central Park

Overheard by: birdw0rks

Chick on cell: Why can’t you pick me up, Dad? … I don’t want to wait for the bus — it’s too cold out… Okay, thanks. See you later. [Hangs up phone.] Asshole.

–Bronx-bound 4 train

Overheard by: Sternie

Queer hipster: It’s gonna be cold this weekend. Like, negative four or negative zero.

–Essex Restaurant, LES

Pilot: Welcome aboard our plane this afternoon, with direct service to Atlanta. The current weather in Atlanta is actually colder than it is here, so it sucks to be you.

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: jaybrrd

Your In-Flight Movie Today Will Be Wednesday One-Liners

Voice over intercom: This is Delta Airlines flight number 1-2-3-4* paging passenger Eric Ansen*. Would you please report to gate D-7? The captain would like to depart. Thank you.

–LaGuardia

Over the intercom: We’d like to welcome you to Atlanta’s Hartsfield International Airport–.
[Voice cuts out, then back in.] We’d like to welcome you to New York’s LaGuardia International Airport…

–Flight from Atlanta, LaGuardia

Pilot: Like any pilot, I like to hear myself talk… All you’re hearing now is ‘Blah, blah, blah.’

–Delta flight, JFK

Overheard by: Lalaith

Pilot: We’re now ready for departure. Flight attendants, please restrain yourselves.

–JFK

Overheard by: Chuckles

Stewardess, sounding surprised during landing: Great job, honey.

–JFK

Winning the War Against Space Chickens, One Bird at a Time

Little boy: Is this a fighter plane?
Grandma: No. A fighter plane is quicker and can only fit two people.
Little boy: … Then why are there lasers?

–JFK

Overheard by: Adam Vine Whip


Headline by: Miss Edith


Runners-Up:
· “Dont EVER question lasers” – melissa

· “For the sharks, of course” – Britta
· “In case you start kicking the seat in front of you” – bobofthejungle
· “To Protect Us From Gay Marriage” – ImmaculatePizza


Click here to see the new Headline Contest