Flight attendant: Of course, folks, I’m here to help you, so if you want anything just grab a hold of me as I walk by and I’ll do my best to help you in any way I can.
Captain: And make sure you grab a tight hold, ladies and gents — he’s a wily one.
–JFK
Archive for the ‘At the Airport’ Category
Recently-Divorced Men
Impatient, middle-aged Caribbean woman in bathroom line: There should be more women’s rooms.
Equally impatient 20-ish woman: Yeah, I know… It’s because men designed these buildings.
–JFK
Overheard by: Nina
Well, Good Trying to Talk to You!
Old Turk #1: Hello!
Old Turk #2: How are you?
Old Turk #1: Where have I seen you before?
Old Turk #2: I don’t know!
–Kennedy International Airport
Hypochondriacs Aren’t Born, They’re Made
Mom in stall: Oh, look, honey. There are toilet seat covers!
12-year-old, also in stall: Yay! Oh, yay!
–Newark Internat’l Airport
Or Glazing the Ham
Girl #1: I’d totally teabag him! Wait, what’s the female equivalent of teabag?
Girls #2 & #3: Hmmm…
Queer #1: I dunno — what do you call it when someone dangles lunch meat in your face?
Queer #2: Roast beef curtains?
Girls: Ewww!
Queer #1: No, no, wait! It’s a cold cut swipe!
Everyone: Ewww!
–JFK
Overheard by: K to tha B
In the Middle of Her Web She Squats, Watching, Waiting
Mom: You’re going to have a great time.
Kid: But is Chicago safe?
Mom: Of course it is! Oprah lives there!
–JFK
Winning the War Against Space Chickens, One Bird at a Time
Little boy: Is this a fighter plane?
Grandma: No. A fighter plane is quicker and can only fit two people.
Little boy: … Then why are there lasers?
–JFK
Overheard by: Adam Vine Whip
Headline by: Miss Edith
Runners-Up:
· “Dont EVER question lasers” – melissa
· “For the sharks, of course” – Britta
· “In case you start kicking the seat in front of you” – bobofthejungle
· “To Protect Us From Gay Marriage” – ImmaculatePizza
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
I’m Glad to Be out of That Pressure-Cooker!
TSA guard #1: You’re new here, right?
TSA guard #2: Yeah. I worked at the Gap before, so this is different.
–JFK
When the Octopus Mates
Chick on cell: Dan and I hit it off so great! We were sitting there on opposite ends of the couch and our feet were all intertwined, and I paused and just was like, ‘Look at us! It’s like we’ve known each other for ages!’ … Well, I’m thinking of asking him to get his DNA checked to see if we’re compatible. ‘Cause, you know, I want someone compatible. I wonder what his genealogical lines are. I told him that I was crazy, though, and that I was gonna ask. It’s just great that he’s willing to do it. It’s good that he knows I’ll be in control of everything.
–Plane leaving LaGuardia
Overheard by: Cassandra
And Give You Lots of Material for Dr. Glick
Mom to young daughter jumping up and down: You need to stop doing that. Jillian*, stop that now. If you don’t stop you are going to fall, if you fall you are going to cry, and if you cry I’m going to yell at you and make fun of you.
–Restroom, JFK
Overheard by: tessa