Archive for the ‘At the Airport’ Category

Winning the War Against Space Chickens, One Bird at a Time

Little boy: Is this a fighter plane?
Grandma: No. A fighter plane is quicker and can only fit two people.
Little boy: … Then why are there lasers?

–JFK

Overheard by: Adam Vine Whip


Headline by: Miss Edith


Runners-Up:
· “Dont EVER question lasers” – melissa

· “For the sharks, of course” – Britta
· “In case you start kicking the seat in front of you” – bobofthejungle
· “To Protect Us From Gay Marriage” – ImmaculatePizza


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

When the Octopus Mates

Chick on cell: Dan and I hit it off so great! We were sitting there on opposite ends of the couch and our feet were all intertwined, and I paused and just was like, ‘Look at us! It’s like we’ve known each other for ages!’ … Well, I’m thinking of asking him to get his DNA checked to see if we’re compatible. ‘Cause, you know, I want someone compatible. I wonder what his genealogical lines are. I told him that I was crazy, though, and that I was gonna ask. It’s just great that he’s willing to do it. It’s good that he knows I’ll be in control of everything.

–Plane leaving LaGuardia

Overheard by: Cassandra

Oprah: Thanks! Asshole.

Sister: What’s with all the celebs trying to adopt kids from every different country in the world?
Brother: I don’t know. It’s getting old already — it’s almost like they are doing it because it’s the ‘in’ thing to do. It’s ridiculous… I mean, take Oprah, for instance — she builds schools and homes for them and leaves them in their natural habitat. I think it’s better that way.

–Flight to NYC

I’m Considering Galoshes

Big black woman #1: I shouldn’a ate all them bags of party mix. I shoulda got me some low fat snack instead.
Big black woman #2: Why you say that?
Big black woman #1: ‘Cause I took my damn shoes off an’ now I cain’t get ‘em back on! My feet’s all swelled up from the party mix.
Big black woman #2: Girl, why you wear such tight shoes? I’m wearin’ sandals.
Big black woman #1: Sandals? Who the fuck wears sandals when it’s all snowy and icy and shit?
Big black woman #2: Someone who can get their damn shoes back on after eatin’ all that party mix, that’s who.

–JetBlue flight 806 to JFK

Overheard by: Big Larry