Archive for the ‘Athletes’ Category

Wednesdays Pad Their One-Liners

Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I'll get you my pretty… And your little dick too! –Wagner College Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks. –Winter Garden Theatre Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick. –Park Slope Overheard by: Sunny Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone! –Outside Penn Station Overheard by: David

Wednesday One-Liners Have Their Ups and “Downs”

Dog owner to another: Dogs are funny. They're like little retarded kids. –Tompkins Square Park Dog Run Guy on cell: She went from Debbie downer to Debbie Down Syndrome. –62nd St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Timo Lipping Dad: I thought she would like Carolina, so we took her to see four schools there. I asked her if she liked them and she said, "I liked the schools… But everyone there seemed slightly retarded." –W 54th St & 8th Ave Overheard by: Johnny V. Southern woman who just ran NYC marathon to Southern friend: Well, we can't have a baby now because it would be retarded… because I'm 35, you know? –Becco Restaurant, Theater District Overheard by: mersayseh

Wednesday One-Liners Expand Their Fecabulary

Cyclist: So he was all, "my shit is your shit," and I thought, "that's the most romantic thing I've heard." –Central Park Dude on cell, checking out sunblock: They don't have shit here. SPF 15 is too high! –Duane Reade, Flushing Toddler that dropped his toy: Oh, shit! –7th Ave, Park Slope 10-year-old boy to friend: That was like the first time I ever took a shit in a public bathroom. –2nd Ave & 9th St Man in baggy jeans walking with gusto: Oh, yes, oh yeah. She wanted my shiiit… She wanted my shit! –6 Train Chick to friends: He is totally going to shit a tampon! –84th St & Amsterdam

Imagine How Rude People Would Be Without the Courtesy Cops

Hobo, eating a chicken kebab: I want me some pussy. I don’t care where it’s from. I just really want me some pussy to fuck. I wanna make her pussy go (sticks tongue out of mouth) pfffffffff.
Girl on street: Alright. That’s enough. –W 4th & Broadway Overheard by: KTandSheila

The Unbearable Lightness Of Wednesday One-Liners

Rastafarian man to white basketball female player with dreads: Hey! Why you white people always trying to look like me! –Union Square Black guy selling Empire State Building tickets: You're from Scotland? I love the Scots… They're puuuuuuurrreee white! –Outside Empire State Building Black woman to another, about frat guys nearby: Man, white people are so loud. –109th & Amsterdam Overheard by: Becks Black hobo to white teen: Get out of this neighborhood with your white crotch! You don't belong here! –Upper West Side Black woman to cops walking away: But I'm a Caucasian! –Bed-Stuy