Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me?
–St Mark's & Ave A
Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I'm trippin'! Oh, god, I'm shroomin'!
–Delancey St
Professor: Take that Ritalin-Scotch-heroin cocktail… With a pop-tart!
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Denali
Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit?
–Times Square
Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college.
–Jane & 4th St
Overheard by: M Tod
Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine's Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it's not drugs?
–The Diana Center, Barnard College
Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I'm high. (audience laughs) Don't blog that!
–Colbert Report Studios, 54th St
Overheard by: Allison
Archive for the ‘B-List’ Category
Will This Suffice?
Woman, seeing Richard Simmons: Oh my god!
Richard Simmons, turning around: Oh my god!! I love you so much!
Woman, walking away: If I had a Twitter account I would so tweet that shit.
–City Hall
Overheard by: Commander Xander
My So-Called Wednesday One-Liner
Peter Greene (Zed from Pulp Fiction): What happens in your life if you don't have your gallbladder?
–The Library, East Village
Girl on cell: My life is cursed, Cordelia!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Charlotte
Hobo carrying tall bamboo pole: What a life. Who wants to shoot me in the back?
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Overheard by: Publius
Girl to friend: So they, like, told me I should come up to the school for two days and, like, go to some dinner on the first night and then do campus activities the next day. But I don't know. That's, like, two days of my life.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Bystanding Citizen
Little girl to mom: It's okay, mom. I'll just go on and have a good life and never learn how to whistle.
–80th St & Amsterdam Ave
We're Not Looking for Any Serious Wednesday One-Liners Right Now
20-something girl to two girlfriends: We've been dating for two months. Normally in my relationships, it's "he loves me, and I love me," but now I feel like he knows I like him, and that threatens me.
–Penn Station
8th grade boy to another: Aren't I the woman in this relationship?
–Bell Academy
Woman to friend: He said he wanted to dress me up, take me out, and show me off to the world. Instead we'd go out, he'd make me pay, and tell me how great everyone else looked.
–3rd Ave & 37th th
Cute guy in Yankees hat: I need a wild, destructive relationship for awhile.
–Brother Jimmy's, 81st & Amsterdam
Guy: Yeah, I just got over a long-term relationship. You know, two to three months.
–Starbucks, 67 & Columbus
Guy on cell: I don't know if I already told you this, but I don't have a job or a show. So we could go a date until the end of time.
–MacDougal & 7th St
Steve Guttenberg to way-too-young date: I like you and I would like to see you, just not every day.
–Upper West Side
The Most Original Thing a Former SNLer Has Done in Years
Employee: Bathrooms are to the left!
Tracy Morgan: Right there?
Employee: Yes, to the left.
Tracy Morgan: Can I go poop in there?
Employee: (laughs) Yes.
Tracy Morgan: I'm gonna poop in there…I gotta go poop!
–AMC Empire Movie Theatre
Now the Hallucination’s Speaking to Me
Guy on cell: Um, I think I just saw Tony Danza ride past me on roller blades.
Tony Danza: Yeah, ya did!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Long Distance Learner
Kind of Your Job, Stephen. Ours, Too.
Stephen Colbert: Coxsackie. It’s something that kids get when they eat their poop, or even worse, someone else’s poop. It’s highly contagious. For instance, in those playpens, with the plastic balls? Sometimes they lick the balls, and they get coxsackie…God, that sounded so wrong.
–The Colbert Report studio, 54th & 10th
Overheard by: future gyno
Ju Calling
Eliza Dushku: How much for these two?
Jewelry guy: $15.
Eliza Dushku: Can I get them for ten?
–14th & 7th
Overheard by: Lily
Then Beverly Cleary Bringing Up the Rear
Guy #1: Can you think of anyone who, in their prime, was hotter than Jessica Alba is right now?
Guy #2: Oh, yeah, totally. Like, Bridget Bardot, and Apollonia in Purple Rain.
–5th Avenue & 10th Street
Overheard by: Christina Walker
Not as Fast as Bolivian Marching Powder
TA guy: There are different types of pains, some of which go all the way to the brain and others that only go to the spinal cord.
Ashley Olsen: So do, like, emotional pains go to the brain?
–NYU Psychology building, Washington Place
Overheard by: bvo