Archive for the ‘B-List’ Category

Cue the Least Romantic Song Ever

Thug #1: Kelly Bundy’s dancing on Broadway.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: She broke both her legs. I think she in a wheelchair.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: I bet she dance good. She hot.
Thug #2: I’d break her clit if I had the chance. –F train Girl: If I hear another show tune out of context I think I’m going to vomit. Physically vomit. You know that feeling?
Guy: Uh, no. –42nd between 9th & 10th

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He Who Makes Moby Look Like Schwarzenegger

Guy #1: Jesus Christ! Michael Stipe has a big fucking head.
Guy #2: I was thinking about walking up and talking to him, for the simple reason that I haven’t liked him for so many years. –The Walter Reade Theater, Lincoln Center Overheard by: El Cubano

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Towelie: I Am So Wednesday One-Linered Right Now

Wide-eyed woman on cell: Is it the drugs that are doing this to me? –St Mark's & Ave A Guy going superfast on a bike with eyes closed and feet on handlebars: Oh, man, I'm trippin'! Oh, god, I'm shroomin'! –Delancey St Professor: Take that Ritalin-Scotch-heroin cocktail… With a pop-tart! –Pratt Institute Overheard by: Denali Flyer guy: Anyone want to help support my drug habit? –Times Square Girl with group of friends: You can be a responsible drug addict… I had two jobs and went to college. –Jane & 4th St Overheard by: M Tod Barnard girl: So my grandparents gave me one of those Visa gift card things for $50 for Valentine's Day… What the fuck am I going to spend $50 on, if it's not drugs? –The Diana Center, Barnard College Stephen Colbert, after flubbing a line during filming: I'm high. (audience laughs) Don't blog that! –Colbert Report Studios, 54th St Overheard by: Allison

My So-Called Wednesday One-Liner

Peter Greene (Zed from Pulp Fiction): What happens in your life if you don't have your gallbladder? –The Library, East Village Girl on cell: My life is cursed, Cordelia! –Penn Station Overheard by: Charlotte Hobo carrying tall bamboo pole: What a life. Who wants to shoot me in the back? –Strawberry Fields, Central Park Overheard by: Publius Girl to friend: So they, like, told me I should come up to the school for two days and, like, go to some dinner on the first night and then do campus activities the next day. But I don't know. That's, like, two days of my life. –6 Train Overheard by: Bystanding Citizen Little girl to mom: It's okay, mom. I'll just go on and have a good life and never learn how to whistle. –80th St & Amsterdam Ave

We're Not Looking for Any Serious Wednesday One-Liners Right Now

20-something girl to two girlfriends: We've been dating for two months. Normally in my relationships, it's "he loves me, and I love me," but now I feel like he knows I like him, and that threatens me. –Penn Station 8th grade boy to another: Aren't I the woman in this relationship? –Bell Academy Woman to friend: He said he wanted to dress me up, take me out, and show me off to the world. Instead we'd go out, he'd make me pay, and tell me how great everyone else looked. –3rd Ave & 37th th Cute guy in Yankees hat: I need a wild, destructive relationship for awhile. –Brother Jimmy's, 81st & Amsterdam Guy: Yeah, I just got over a long-term relationship. You know, two to three months. –Starbucks, 67 & Columbus Guy on cell: I don't know if I already told you this, but I don't have a job or a show. So we could go a date until the end of time. –MacDougal & 7th St Steve Guttenberg to way-too-young date: I like you and I would like to see you, just not every day. –Upper West Side