Waitress: Is this your granddaughter?
Grandma: Yes.
Waitress: She looks just like you.
Grandma: No, she looks like my son’s mother-in-law.
Waitress: Mother-in-law?
Grandma: She’s a big woman.
–Chinese Restaurant, UWS
Archive for the ‘Babies’ Category
Who Says No Classy People Ride the Bus?
Old lady (looking directly at Hispanic woman and her baby): They don’t speak English and they don’t wanna learn. They just want pay from America. They hate our guts.
[to baby]: Give your Mommy a kiss!
–B6 Bus, Brooklyn
The Brash, In-Your-Face NYC Conversation (post-Giuliani)
Lady #1: I hate it when people put nail polish on their babies.
Lady #2: Really? I think it looks cute.
–6 train
It’s All Greek to Me
Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee.
–Midtown office
They’ll Be Sure to Win the Special Olympics Pageant
Indian Girl: Oh my God! Our kids are going to be mad cute!
Asian Guy: Hell yeah! No doubt about it, with my looks and your height.
Indian Girl: Oh, and plus my body.
–Union Square
Wednesdsay Caniners
Middle-aged suit to another: You definitely don't want to be on the streets with three miniature Dachshunds on the loose.
–46th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: alexander
Guy at dinner with friends: No, slapping her ass isn't perverted, it's just inappropriate. Perverted would be jerking off onto my dog's face or some shit.
–23rd & 10th
Overheard by: Matt
White gay man to another: Every time I see a dog chained to a parking meter and the owner is like in the store, it makes me want to call the NAACP.
–M7 Bus
Overheard by: HarlemAllDay
Ghetto woman on cell: A Maltese dog. A Maltese! (pause) One of them little dogs that don't never grow.
–27th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Katherine
Flamboyant gay man to couple pushing bulldog in stroller: Oh my god! Your dog ate your baby!
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Sarah
A Venti One
Customer: Hey, you lost a lot of weight.
Barista: No, I gave birth two weeks ago.
Customer: To a baby?
–Starbucks
Overheard by: mjw51
Could a Pipe Solve This Problem? Discuss.
Asian mother, walking past smoker: Get your cigarette away from my baby!
Smoker: Get your baby away from my cigarette!
Old woman: Yeah! Fuck you, lady!
–W 96th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Hobbes
Are There No Applebee's? Are All the Olive Gardens Full?
Woman at table: Ugh, I can't believe they would do that! It's so rude!
Friend: Who? What?
Woman: Bring a child out. (motions to screaming toddler two tables away)
Friend: Well, it's not like they farted or something.
Woman: Still, it's gross. This isn't Connecticut, and there should be laws–for everyone's safety!
–Dos Caminos, Soho
Overheard by: Tommy
Watch Teen Mom and See Girls Who Are Both!
Girl #1: Most of my friends are from high school.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too. They're all having babies.
Girl #3: Most of my friends are babies. (to barista) Grande, non-fat, no-whip mocca.
–Starbucks