Archive for the ‘Babies’ Category

Like my sister.

Man: I am concerned about breeding.
Friend: Breeding?!
Man: Yeah, you know — Jews are pretty inbred. I’m probably going to have kids with three fingers or something. I should have married someone into running — big and athletic.

–Central Park Reservoir

Headline by: Brooklyn Twang

Runners-Up:
· “But Jews Do Run. They Run Everything.” – Rottin’ in Denmark
· “Instead Of That Gimp Cousin Of Mine” – Uberjim
· “The E in EHarmony Stands for Eugenics” – quazarfreez
· “The Final Solution 2.0″ – Scott Gresham
· “They’re Called Germans: But They May Not Be So Into That…” – Caitorade
· “You Know, Someone Who Could Win a “Master Race”” – Mike T


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Sounds Like It Worked Perfectly

Yuppie guy #1: Well, they’re in that “Baby-Coma mood” for, like, the first, three or four months. You can basically plop ‘em down anywhere, and they just stay there. It’s cool.
Yuppie guy #2: But what if it starts wailin’?
Yuppie guy #1: Oh, then you give it to the wife. You just say, kinda sweet-like, “Someone wants his Mom-my.”
Yuppie guy #2: That works?
Yuppie guy #1: That’s what my brother-in-law said…But then again, he is divorced now. –Penn Station Overheard by: Rory J. Thompson

Because the Sharks Think It’s Sushi

Guy: My 9 month old nephew visited today, then my dad and stepmom went sailing.
Girl: The baby went sailing too?
Guy: No, you don’t take a baby out on a sailboat!
Girl: Well, why not? I mean as long as it is wearing a life preserver, what’s the problem? –45th & Broadway Overheard by: Alex Duke

Use a Wednesday, So You Don't Get One-Linered Up

Man helping woman carry stroller down stairs: If you had taken the bloody pill when you said you were taking it, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

–Broadway-Lafayette B/D/F/V Station

Overheard by: Jon A.

Man walking with girlfriend, loudly: Wait, did you bring your diaphragm?

–Times Square

Loud woman on cell: How many times do you have to have sex, and have a baby, before you realize: "If I have sex without a condom I will get someone pregnant."? Seriously!

–Broadway & 103rd St

Overheard by: Amy

Guy on phone: I always tell people that sex with you with a condom is better than sex with other girls without a condom.

–Outside Trader Joe's, 14th St

Zoo guide: This zoo likes to be careful with breeding animals by taking into account genes and the like. But then again, Zippy–the baby snow monkey–came along. So be careful with your birth control.

–Central Park Zoo, by the Snow Monkeys

Girl to another: I just don't see why we can't make our own condoms.

–14th St & 4th Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Are History, Dude

Guy holding baby: I’ve decided I’m going to write a pop-up history of the ancient world, based on Herodotus. Should be great for babies.

–Strand Bookstore

American history tutor: The only dictator I know of is Hugo Chavez, and that’s because I met him.

–Jake’s Saloon, 57th & 10th

Overheard by: poor kid’s gonna fail that test

Rich mom with two kids: … And it was named after our country’s first president, Christopher Columbus.

–117th & Broadway

Overheard by: doesn’t get columbus day off

Guy to friend: If I can make it through the ’80s, I can make it through anything.

–Astor Pl

Overheard by: squishduck

Professor: Sigismondo Malatesta was the only person in history to ever be publicly consigned to Hell by the pope. Now, that’s when a pope was a pope. I wish the pope would just get on TV and say, ‘You’re going to Hell!’

–Fordham University – Rose Hill

Overheard by: Christina

Guy: Wait, have I ever told you guys about my irrational fear of the late 1800s?

–NYU dorm

Overheard by: Danimal

It’s All Greek to Me

Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee. –Midtown office