Girl to another, loudly: Oh my god! Where the fuck were you this morning? I was about to text you, but I realized you couldn't text. And I couldn't text either! And you wouldn't pick up your phone! And I needed to talk to you! But I couldn't reach you! So I just like fucking sat there and screamed for ten minutes! –B9 Bus 20-something male to friend: I am so MIA right now. I am MIA. Like, I text you, but I am MIA. Like, so many people send texts to me, and I'm just MIA. –Downtown 6 Train Overheard by: dallas Girl leaving movie: Well, I'm sure she'll send out a mass text the second she has her baby. –AMC Theater 19th & Broadway Overheard by: Julie 20-something to another: Tiffany, I know I left Jason at the altar…but why didn't he text me back? –1849 Bar, MacDougal & Bleecker Laughing hobo to another: That is the funniest joke I've ever heard! You have to text that to me! –St. Mark's Church, 2nd Ave & 9th St Overheard by: cody
Drunk college girl: I don’t mean to have sex with ugly guys but more often than not… –Columbia University Overheard by: Lo Thuggish dude on cell: … You want to look in the mirror and be like ewww, while everyone else looks at you and is like, ooh, you know what I’m saying? When I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror I think to myself shit, I am one ugly motherfucker, how the hell do I get so many bitches? –7 Train Overheard by: Andrea Dumpy man waiting on line: I didn’t know court was a beauty contest for ugly women. –Downtown NYC Courthouse Man fighting with random woman on train: You’re as ugly as the tip of my dick! –4 Train Overheard by: Marlon B Teenage girl to group of friends: Oh! Did I tell you *Jessica had her baby? Yeah, that shit ain’t ugly. –Cobble Hill Loud girl: Omigod I’m soooo pissed! Like, she’s so ugly. Much uglier than me. And you know on Halloween, if I hadn’t been bleeding from my vagina and puking in a bowl he would have hooked up with me instead. –Fordham University Overheard by: I was puking in a bowl when I heard this too
Flygirl #1: My brother was like mad drunk when his lady went into labor. He was gonna beat up these guys that were messing with our little brother, but he didn’t have his gun. He passed out but his friend got his ass to the hospital.
Flygirl #2: He gonna be such a good daddy.
Flygirl #1: Yeah. –2 train
Girl, looking at friend's cell phone: What is that?
Friend: A baby!
Girl: Oh, I thought it was chicken. It looks like a barbecued chicken. –4 Train
Ghetto girl #1: I went over there, and she's pregnant.
Ghetto girl #2, gasping: Pregnant with a *baby*? –Q30 Bus Overheard by: Cori Headline by: missquirk Runners-Up:
· “‘Cuz If It’s an Alien Again, I’m Skipping the Shower” – 1310 (formerly SNA)
· “Depends on Whether You Ask Pro-Lifers or Pro-Choicers” – Ryan
· “I Better Go Back and Check” – Mike
· “Judging by the Bleeding Statues and Pentagrams, No” – The Least Funny Demon
· “Never Take a Roofie at the Zoo” – Nick Pollotta
· “No, Just Shoplifting Again” – Skug Skellum
· “No………She Just Likes to Pause a Lot” – clair
· “Rosemary’s Friends Saw It Coming” – asdfghjkl;
· “She Was Drunk. The Dog *Looked* Like a Dude” – Jim
· “Someone’s Seen Alien a Few Too Many Times…” – Kei
· “Well It’s Either That or the Spawn Of Satan…” – J
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Old man #1: It was uplifting.
Old man #2: Dead babies? –Cranberry Cafe Overheard by: Jordan
Gay man: Now that everything is lesbian, bi and transgender, I don't know if I can lead the committee anymore, 'cause I've got my gay male privilege. –W 13th St Man with clipboard: Do you have a moment for gay rights? (silence) C'mon, help support the people that made your clothes! –10th St & 5th Ave Overheard by: You mean 10-year olds in Honduras? Thug teenage dad, about baby staring at effeminate Asian man: Oh shit, she's already got her gaydar on. –4 Train Chick to friends: I would be like the sluttiest gay guy and it would be totally awesome. –Christopher St Man: …and you know there are a ton of gays who have no problem taking it straight up the ass. –Times Square 11-year-old thuggish boy: No homo, but he looks better than his sister. –Bronx Playground Black guy: I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I love guys! –Union St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn
Girl #1: Did you know babies have natural reflexes? Like, if you stick your finger in their hand, they'll grab it, and if you try to pull it away, they'll hold on to it for like a minute.
Girl #2: Did you know if you punch a baby in the face, it'll cry? –Columbia University Overheard by: mkb
Teacher: In France and Canada the governments are actually offering money to people who have more children.
Student: What if your baby, like, exploded or something? Would they take the money back? –Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island Overheard by: What?!
Keen observer: That woman’s not pregnant; she’s just real old. –Bleecker & Bowery Overheard by: Poetgirl Woman holding baby: You don’t understand why I’m upset when, after I deliver your 10-pound baby, you take another woman to a wine bar? –4th & Macdougal Overheard by: kevin Woman: Being pregnant is like slowly drinking a bottle of ipecac. –52nd & Ave of the Americas Five year old: This baby stuff is boring! –Labor & Delivery, Our Lady of Mercy Medical Center, the Bronx Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer Douchebag: I swear to God, if some girl I was fucking got knocked up, I would kill myself. Well, I would kill myself and then I would punch her in the face…Fuck, if she got pregnant, I would tear that baby out with a fork! –Metro-North Hipster: I don’t care about getting married. I just want to get pregnant so I can see my gynecologist more often. –Alma, Red Hook, Brooklyn