Grad student: It’s like Hogwarts. Witches go to Hogwarts. They don’t go to Harvard Witch Management. –Think Coffee, Mercer & W 4th Overheard by: this analogy makes no sense German dude to other German dude, in rapid German: Voldemort! And Dumbledore! –96th & Broadway Overheard by: LeLeLe Teen girl: He said that Dumbledore takes it up the ass. Seriously. –1 train Overheard by: Silverhawk High school thug girl: Yo dead ass, Harry Potter is hot. –Houston & Green Overheard by: chedr Perverted tween: I wonder how many old women are into Dumbledore. They must be like "oooooohh! Dumbledooooooore!" –D train Overheard by: tanechka Drunk 20-something woman on cell: I’ve fallen off the Voldemort wagon! –Port Authority Overheard by: McFreaky
Girl: Did you hear about that guy who died from fucking horses?
Girl: Yeah, I guess he made it to the hospital but he had been like, split apart by horse cock. –C train Overheard by: Ilona Williamson
Queer #1: Whatever, ho, you’re the one who had a threesome with like eight guys.
Queer #2: Don’t be saying that in front of company.
Queer #1: Who, Malcolm? He’s not company anymore. He’s penetrated our inner circle of trust.
Queer #2: How?
Queer #1: Because he penetrated one of our inner circles. –17th & 8th Overheard by: Zola mae
Guy: …and he had, like, shark teeth! Three fucking rows of them! I swear. –Fulton & Gold
Hipster on cell: You make me so horny I want to split a tab of xstacy and shove it up your ass. –11th & 2nd Guy trying to whisper to girlfriend in line: Do not make me freak you this early in the morning. –Post office, Park Slope Chick on cell: …so not only am I self-medicating through random sexual encounters… –In front of Barnes & Noble , Union Square Overheard by: Carol Chick to friends: He was like, “Say you love me. Say my name. Say, ‘I love you John*!’ And I was like, “Can we just concentrate on the task at hand, here?” –Lafayette & Bond Overheard by: jayloo
Crazy man: Why you gotta stick your dick in a man? How can you be a Latin King and stick your dick in a man? –6 train Overheard by: Dirt “Chainsaw” Dog
Teen girl #1: He never leaves me the hell alone. It’s like, ‘Hello, I don’t care!’
Teen girl #2: You know he’s bi, right?
Teen girl #1: What? No, he’s not. What are you talking about?
Teen girl #2: Oh my god! You didn’t know? Yeah, he’s bi!
Teen girl #1: Since when? Who told you that?
Teen girl #2: Didn’t you?
Teen girl #1: No. I didn’t say ‘bi.’ I said ‘anal plugs.’ –Brighton Beach Overheard by: Stina
Bimbette: I don't think I've ever been that grossed out during the day. It all started when that woman smelled like pee… –6 Train Overheard by: j Female suit: We were above an Indian restaurant and he was banging me from behind. I could smell the curry, and while he was banging me I was gagging. –NJ Transit Chick: You smell like vag and pizza. –Borders Girl to friend, after bending head down into her: Damn my puss stank. –E Train Overheard by: Nicole College guy (screaming at friend): Dude! How are you even in college?! You smell like Oust! You smell like Tropical Glade! –1 Train Concerned hipster: I know you just orgasmed, but what's that smell? –E 9th & 3rd Overheard by: Peanut
Suit: I’m always really careful when I eat so I don’t have to take it up the ass when I go to the dry cleaner.
–Organic Grill, 1st Avenue
Man: I’m telling you, what you should do is take a picture of yourself naked now and then in about two, three months, take another one and compare. Maybe keep doing that, you know? Keep a photo album documenting it. I think you should.
Overheard by: Jenni Unicorn
Man on cell: Okay, I gotta go ’cause I’m fucking sweating my dick off.
Overheard by: Kevin Kilroy
College guy: Have you ever jacked off with your feet?
–TKTS, Duffy Square
Guy on cell: I have a blood clot in my asshole!
–15th & 3rd
Woman: He’s a good friend, but the sex is pretty awful. He a good kisser, but he has trouble further than that. I’m just not his type. I don’t have a penis.
–West 4th Street station
Overheard by: Rachel Adler
Puerto Rican guy: Second-best feeling in the world. First is sex. I
guarantee it. –Barnes & Noble men’s room, Union Square
Guy #1: You know that video with the guys and the elephants with the butt sex?
Guy #2: Yeah, that must hurt. What about the one with the black guys?
Guy #1: Oh, the one with the BJs?
Guy #2: When I was younger I used to masturbate with my friend. We would put a pillow between us and jack off. –B1 Bus