Archive for the ‘Backdoor’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Real

Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.

–LaGuardia Arts

Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!

–LIRR

Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!

–St. Mark's Place

Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"

–13th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: kdub

Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!

–42nd b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Couldn't agree more

Bootylicious Wednesday One-Liners

Gay guy on cell: And they had the guy with the biggest butt stand next to the guy with the second-biggest butt! Seriously, what is wrong with them?

–6th Ave & 12th

Woman getting on a crowded train, looking for a seat: See, I told you there would be a lot of behinds on this train!

–N Train

Overheard by: Some behind lucky enough to find a seat.

Thug to another: After I wipe his ass, I'm gonna beat his ass!

–86th & Park Ave

Woman on cell: So, what are you going to tell him? "Sorry, I can't marry you–your ass is broken"?

–1st & 23

Teen to friend: Why didn't he use a tennis racket? It would have left that waffle fry look on your ass.

–Bus to Penn Station

Skipping tween girl to metrosexual father: I've seen your butt, you know!

–72nd & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Shannon

For One Thing, “Le Penetrator” Sounds a Lot Classier

Drunk girl: So I wouldn't ask you this if I were sober, but I just have to ask. When you…yunno…are you generally the…penetree, or the…penetrant?
Gay guy: Uhm, you mean, the penetrated or the penetrator?
Drunk girl, laughing: Oh, right. Well. Damn. I mean, gay sex is supposed to be better in France, right?

–Kittichai Restaurant

Overheard by: Brandy

Wednesday Bloodliners

Girl to guy: And then he cheated on me with his male and female cousin.

–9th & 21st, Chelsea

Guy on phone: You should tell him next time he should keep his dick in his sister.

–72nd & Central Park West

Guido, getting his hair cut, in a thick Staten Island accent: Show me where it says in the Holy Bible that you can't bang your stepsister.

–Staten Island Barber Shop

Overheard by: Snewsboy

Dude on cell: Bitch, I don't care how much you give me, your ass just ain't worth it. (pause) Plus, I can just get it for free from my sister.

–Coffee Shop, Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: really hope he didn't mean what i thought…

Girl to mother, after game: I'd rather go down on my sister than take the d train to Times Square right now.

–Old Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: datura0001

Grumpy Old Wednesday One-Liners

Old man in laundry room: I saw a young man the other day put about 8 Levi's in this little machine, here. They came out with soap all over them because he didn't give them enough room. I turned to him and said, "young man, you need your mother."

–25th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Adam and AMC

Old man, yelling at a passing ambulance with blaring sirens: Oh, shut the fuck up. Goddamnit!

–Broadway & Washington Place

Little old lady, passing a steep cellar: Wow. I wouldn't want to be drunk going down those stairs.

–Broome Street b/w Allen & Eldridge

Overheard by: always take the elevator

Little old lady to physical therapist: Can I Facebook friend you?

–Parkside Physical Therapy, 100th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Old Greek man to another: Ya gotta use ya mind, ya money, and ya mouth. Mmm. The three Ms.

–Ditmars

Overheard by: ashley

Old lady with walker to nurse: I just love fresh air and a cigarette.

–5th & B

Overheard by: Adam Glaser

Older man to waiter: You didn't tell me that soup wasn't included. I can't believe you're charging someone of my generation for soup. I shouldn't have to pay for just water, chicken, and rice. Some of us here are on a fixed income. (to neighboring table) You be careful! Your bill's going to come to $30! (pays at register) You should have told me. Now I hope you're happy that tomorrow an old man won't be able to afford his medicine.

–New Wave Cafe, 79th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Wednesday One-Liners? Kinky!

300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he's into that kinky downtown shit.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: bastardo

Loud upstate girl: I think…doin' any kinda research inta furries? You're in trouble.

–Hudson & Houston

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Hoochie: I mean, you gonna handcuff me, then handcuff me. But, you know, when I gotta go do my shit, I gotta go.

–1st St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: stephie

Curly-haired girl on cell: I've totally got a cold too! But I've also got bondage tape. And a cell phone activated vibrator.

–Ouidad salon

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Suit to another, while having lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from behind.

–Central Park

Guy at table: You know, she's a quality girl, even when I was in handcuffs, I could tell that she was a quality girl.

–Carnegie Deli

Overheard by: Spazz

And by “You” I Mean “Not Me

Thug #1: And when he walks down the stairs, he's all… (makes obscure hand gesture)
Thug #2: It's on him, though.
Thug #1: Oh, yeah.
Thug #2: I mean, my sister. She's…you know.
Thug #1: I thought it was going to be embarrassing, you know? But it's cool. You talk to the nigga, he's just hilarious, it's all funny, whatever he says.
Thug #3: Yeah, it's cool. Nigga's just totally flaming gay.
Thug #2: His choice, it's on him.
Thug #1: Yeah, man. Whatever you wanna put up your ass, you know, it's cool.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Why, Grandmother, What Big Wednesday One-Liners You Have!

Dude to girl: Just yesterday I was smoking a joint and my grandma was all "that smells good, Johnny, that smells good."

–Hop Scotch Cafe

Overheard by: bildita

Girl: Speaking of back-door entry, my grandma sent me an e-mail the other day.

–A Train

Overheard by: naiad

Woman: He's just lucky I learned some tricks from his great grandma.

–Dekalb Ave & Ashland Place

Guy to girl: You look like one of them li'l ass frilly dolls my grandma have on her bed. Cute. (girl stares) What, I'm not gonna get a thank-you for that?

–Canal St.

Overheard by: The

Girl to friend: And so my grandmother was that mail order bride!

–Beauty Salon, East Village

Overheard by: moca