Archive for the ‘Bag ladies’ Category

She's More Interested in the Facts Than Fox News

Stone cold crazy panhandler lady, entering subway car: That man in the brown jacket, who's gonna tell you not to give me money, he's the JonBenet Ramsey rapist.
Impressed observer, reaching for wallet: That was definitely worth a dollar.
Stone cold crazy panhandler lady, walking on: And then in Carrie, they put the blood on the people and then they jerked off the dog.
Impressed observer: I should have given her two dollars. –Downtown D Train Overheard by: stephie

Wednesday One-Liners Flunk the Oral

Guy on cell, screaming : Did you or did you not give that guy a blowjob in the parking lot? –3rd Ave & 10th St Overheard by: JC Hot girl talking to hot friend: He said blowjobs are like flowers for guys. Do I get flowers everyday? No! So why should he, right? –C Train Screaming bag lady: He asked me to suck his dick. I don't suck dick, I'm homeless. –125th St Overheard by: Reilly Guy on cell: How's her gag reflex? Because that's a great way to make up for stupid. –5th & 83rd Overheard by: Kelly Guy to another: Greg, do you want your cock sucked tonight? Then get in the car! (other guy hastily gets in car) –The Village

The Bic Commercial That Was Too Edgy, Even for Europe

Baby-voiced bag lady to pretty girl across from her: Excuse me, miss, do you have a pen?
Girl: No. I'm sorry, I don't.
Baby-voiced bag lady : A pen! A pen!
(pretty girl shakes head)
Baby-voiced bag lady : A pencil?
Girl: I'm sorry, no.
(baby-voiced bag lady pulls Bic pen crack pipe out of bag and lights it. Train car quickly empties) –C Train Overheard by: sarette

Wednesday One-Liners Get “The Girlfriend Experience”

Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate! –East Village Overheard by: Matty Mac Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money! –Brooklyn Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do? –Mulberry Overheard by: nina Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night." –6 Train Overheard by: Rose Fox Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer! –Astoria

McSteamy Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on phone: I gotta go to another guy because the last guy was like, "have you been sleeping with any Asian investment bankers?" and I was like, "no," and he's like, "well, then you don't have syphilis." And I'm like, "you're not a very good doctor!" –Greenpoint Girl on train: You should really meet this guy. He's like half witchdoctor and half… I don't know… Physical therapist. –LIRR Overheard by: The WC Bag lady, yelling: What is my vital sign, asshole? Systolic… Diastolic… The fuck does that mean, Mr. Doctorman? –6 Train Overheard by: pretending not to have been pre-med in college Suit on cell: What do you mean I'm being ridiculous? He's a foot doctor… He's not licensed to give rectal exams, Floyd! –Q Train Overheard by: EKavet