Archive for the ‘Bag ladies’ Category

Every Night, I Pray for More Wednesday One-Liners

Disgruntled MTA worker, to no one in particular: See? I don't like human beings all that much. I like animals, they mo' fo' real. (venomously) Y'all better be glad I'm not god. –6 Train 30-something white guy to friends: I live in Mesopotamia, 'cause the gods are gangsta! –W 83rd & Columbus Ave Older MTA worker, comforting young passenger: GPS: Guidance, patience, strength. Give it over to god. Trust that motherfucker is going to handle it. Give me GPS and I can handle the rest! –Union Square Subway Stop Bag lady, drenched in rain: The joke's on you, god! –9th St & University Place 20-something guy on phone: So then she tells me the reason my dad died is because god was trying to hurt me! –Union Square Overheard by: talker's remorse 30-something: I mean…he's a good looking guy, but then he found god. –39th St

Our Site Wouldn't Be the Same Without the Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to long-haired hipster playing around with remote-control car: Get a job, asshole! –Norfolk & Rrivington, Lower East Side Overheard by: globalvillageidiot Hobo to passerby: Hey, wanna cum on my ass? –72nd St & Amsterdam Overheard by: Rei Hobo to girl giving him money: Not too much, gorgeous! –13th St & University Hobo: What time is bedtime at the Neverland ranch? When the big hand touches the little hand! (pause) Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-seven year olds? Because there's twenty of them! –1 Train Bag lady, screaming and chasing a suit: You muthafucka, you stole my 401k! I'ma getchya and take it back! –52nd & 6th Overheard by: Get me out of Finance

My Publicist Will Issue a Statement Later in the Ride

Bad lady, starting her speech: Ladies and gentlemen…
Conductor over speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, there is no begging allowed on New York City subways. I repeat, there is no begging allowed on New York City subways.
Bag lady, looking nervous: I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, the conductor of the train and I do not get along. –2 Train Overheard by: Adam