Woman #1: Are there nuts in this? I'm allergic.
Woman #2: No, just almonds.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Archive for the ‘Balls’ Category
…As I Used to Do, in My Youth.
Old man #1: I been walking around all day with a hole in my pants and didn't know it.
Old man #2: When did you figure it out?
Old man #1: When I sat on the seat on the train and one of my balls felt like I dipped it in a bowl of ice cream.
–DUMBO
Then You Don't.
College boy #1: Do we have balls?
College boy #2: I don't know.
–6 Train
Some Girls Just Shouldn't Wear Booty Shorts
Girl #1: Where are your testicles today?
Girl #2: (stares at her)
Girl #1: Oh, fuck. I meant “spectacles”.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
…Technically, I Don't Even Have Balls.
Three-year-old boy, to dad: I'mma deck you in the balls!
Dad: I'ma deck you back!
Three-year-old boy: Well, it won't hurt!
–125th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Joyful
Tonight's Movie: The Elephantiasis Man
Little boy, throwing tantrum in the street: Dad, my feet hurt. I can't walk anymore!
Dad: Yeah, well, my testicles hurt. Come on!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Colleen
Bye, Chippy!
Man to little dog with lady: Hi, what's your name?
Lady (for dog): My name is chippy.
Man: Hi chippy!
Lady: Hi! I'm getting my balls cut off on Thursday!
–69th & 1st
Overheard by: erock
Like That Song “Beat Me Off Before You Go Go”
Construction worker #1: Yeah, she brought out the body oil and was rubbing it every! I was like “I don't think I'm going to last too long now!”
Construction worker #2: That's one of those dates where you really need to beat off before you go! You really gotta hit the testicles!
–42nd St & 8th Ave
I Always Have to Wait 'til You're Sleeping!
Female: Stop calling me “dude,” I'm a “dudette”! I haven't got cojones.
Male: You never let me look.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: bonobobill
Eighties: Ever Miss Me?
Girlfriend: Baby, why don't you just use an electric?
Boyfriend: Who the hell uses an electric razor on their balls, unless they want them fried?
–NYU
Overheard by: Mark