Dude #1: Yeah, I'm talking about my scrotum.
Dude #2: Just to be specific.
Dude #1: My nutsack. (pause) Man, I gotta go back to that strip club.
–55th b/w 5th & 6th
Archive for the ‘Balls’ Category
Just Give Me a Minute to Clean Up Here
Male barista: Sorry, we're closed.
20-something girl: Can I get a tea bag to go?
–Café, Washington Square Park
…When You Could Just Send Out a Nice Save-the-date Card.
Construction worker #1: I just don't get Facebook.
Construction worker #2: Me either. I don't get why you would need to tell anyone, “Hey! I'm scratching my balls right now.”
–Lincoln Plaza
I Was Never Much One for Symmetry, Anyway
Female friend at bar: Why can't I find a man?
Male friend at bar: Why do I date nutjobs?
Female friend at bar: I'd take a nutjob… (long pause) Hell, I'd take a man with one nut!
–The Half Pint, W 3rd St
Overheard by: macdaddynyc
Wednesday One-Liners Got the Part!
Conductor in thick Indian accent: Everybody's stressed out on their way to work, but remember you only came on the train with two hands! If you feel a third hand on you, feel free to do whatever you want with it!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: megan rose
Young woman on cell: Daddy? Mommy said you called. Is it about your testicles?
–78th & Lexington
Overheard by: Bob
Man on cell: I just saw this human female walk by with these legs…
–SoHo
Overheard by: Another human female
Passing female coworker: Stick my finger up to the middle knuckle to make sure it's warm.
–31st St
Dorky guy to friends: So then she gets on the table and the next thing you know, one leg is over her head and I just didn't know what to do with myself…
–3rd & 23rd
Overheard by: tila
Jersey lady: Now I have to straddle him, hold on to his ears, and do it.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Wow. Just… wow.
Just Like Every Stripper
Construction worker #1: You gonna climb that pole?
Construction worker #2: Yeah, you wanna know why?
Construction worker #1: Why?
Construction worker #2: Because I have penis and a set of testicles!
–State & 13th St
That Would Be the Obvious Answer, Yeah.
Girlfriend to boyfriend, while eating ice cream: You know what I love?
Boyfriend to girlfriend: To lick my balls?
–Jay St & Lawrence St
Overheard by: blushing beauty
I Just Wondered How You Got Blue Ink on Your Tongue
Hipster dude: So what was the special going away gift he gave you?
Hot Latin chick: He let me sign his nuts this time! He's so fucking hot.
Hipster dude: Um…this time?
Hot Latin chick: Yeah, for my birthday I signed his penis.
Hipster dude: Stupid question…did you do anything else with it?
Hot Latin chick: Dude? I'm not a slut! …jeez, man.
–Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: likethisstupid
You've Got Some Set Of Wednesday One-Liners on You, Buddy!
Woman on cell: I'd love to watch football with you. I'll even hold the balls.
–92nd & Lexington
Boyfriend to guy sitting between him and his girlfriend: Hey man, can you slide over? I need some ball space over here.
–Uptown 4 Train
20-something chick: I aim for as many balls as possible.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Meister
Woman to male Target employee: Do you have balls? (brief awkward pause) Like playing ones…
–Target, Queens
Mother to kids: Okay, raise your hand if you don't have balls! (group of boys eagerly raise their hands)
–LIRR
Overheard by: Chadwick
Men: *Shudder*
Girl to no one in particular: I want to have sexual intercourse with you.
Friend: Sexual intercourse sounds like they want to put their balls inside your vagina too.
–172 St & Jerome
Overheard by: Emm