Archive for the ‘Bank’ Category

Wedne$day One-Liner$

Blonde: But I want my money to have personality. –Bleecker St Overheard by: Late Night Doritos Guy in Sweeny Todd t-shirt: Oh my god, we have to go back, we forgot the cardboard! How can we make money without cardboard?! –McDonald's, 3rd Ave Eastern European man: I never waited for an ATM in my life! What the fuck!? –Bank of America, University & 14th Well-dressed middle aged woman: Money is so expensive these days… –Filene's Basement, Union Square Overheard by: Bargin Shopper Woman in line for general admission, to companion: An $18 museum? You'd better look at fucking everything, and touch some stuff too! –Guggenheim Museum Overheard by: Tom

Give Me a Wednesday With One-Liners, Long Beautiful One-Liners

Latino nanny to redheaded toddler, after he throws his hat at her: Put your hat back on your hair! It's freaking people out. –Central Park Disheveled raggedy hobo, reprimanding suit: Get a haircut! –Wachovia Wells Fargo Overheard by: CS Loud black girl on cell phone: You know where the train station is, where all them homeless people live? Yeah, that's where I go get my hair done. She doesn't fuck my hair up, because I told her, "you best not fuck my hair up." And now she never does. (chuckles) –LIRR Overheard by: kill her Beautiful angry woman on cell: I had told you to meet me at 116th Street because I got my hair in my bag! My weave hair! I had wanted to do my hair later, because it's too damn hot to be sitting up in that place. But I'm not going to no damn barbecue with weave hair in my bag! –The Bronx Overheard by: Shrimp on the barbie Little boy with squirt gun: No! You wetted my hair! My beautiful flowing hair! –Rockefeller Park

Wednesday One-Liner: The Musical

Girl to class: I love classical music! I listen to the Bambi soundtrack all the time! –Curtis High School, Staten Island Guy in lobby, at intermission: Hands down, the best band I've ever seen in concert… Hootie and the Blowfish. –Jazz at Lincoln Center Guy on cell: I guess they're musicians. They put bitches ahead of practice. –79th St b/w York & 1st Overheard by: Queixa Gay man to another, walking out of a bank: I mean, if you listen to like, one Sade song every six years, it's okay. –15th St & 8th Ave Lesbian: Fuck her! All she wants to do is stay home and sit in the kitchen and drink beer and listen to Melissa Etheridge! Fuck her! She can take a cab home! –Staten Island Overheard by: Kateri Straight girl with a seat at the piano: No, I've never been here before, but I'm actually having a good time. I mean, I don't know most of these songs, but earlier he was playing The Sound of Music, and I was rocking out to that. –Marie's Crisis Piano Bar Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster Crazy old cat lady to guy who just shut off obnoxiously loud music in next lane: Why'd you shut it off? I liked that song! –Marathon Parkway & Northern Boulevard

Manager: Hmmm. Sales of lace thongs, push-up bras and thigh-high stockings have quintupled recently

Interviewer #1: So, do you deal with a lot of customers on a daily basis?
Young Man: Yes.
Interviewer #2: Tell us about a situation where a customer became irate and how you handled it.
Young Man: Well, I work at Victoria's Secret so I deal with women, mostly. Sometimes, when they need something, they don't want me to help them because I am a man. I just tell them, “You're buying this for your man, so shouldn't a man help you pick out your panties?” –Commerce Bank, 42nd & 9th

Chase Is an Equal-Opportunity Forecloser

African American bank employee: Ma'am, it's not Chase's fault that you had to go to a Citibank at 4 am because there was a homeless man sleeping in the Chase lobby. We cannot refund the $1.50 fee that Citibank charged you.
90-year-old woman: He was Caucasian! Can you believe it?
African American bank employee: Ma'am, even Caucasians can be homeless. –Chase Bank

Wednesday One-Liners Believe You Have Their Red Swingline Stapler

Black suit on cell : What'cha mean you can't get a job? Tupac's been dead for years and the nigga's still putting out albums! –Center St & Pearl St Overheard by: Big Larry Friendly suit to friend: It's not about getting the work done! It's about…well, I don't know what it's about. –Vessey & Broadway Overheard by: mondo man Suit in next office: Okay, I have officially hated today! (phone rings) No! Fuck you! –Office Building, W 46th St Overheard by: TheGreenCat Guy on cell: So, did you find me a job yet? (pause) Well, I want something that isn't challenging, pays well, and doesn't care when I show up. –NJ Transit Overheard by: Cori Guy on cell (about to start bank teller shift): Come on and hurry up. I'm trying to get drunk before I start my second job. –Chase Bank, Times Square Young woman yelling into cell after being refused entrance: Goddamn, whose dick I got to suck to get my career started? Tell me where they at! –Lobby, Herald Square Towers