Archive for the ‘Barbers and hairdressers’ Category

But the Steak Was Rare

Barber #1: Yo, last night I had a steak.
Barber #2: Don’t tell me you had steak last night. Tell me you fucked some bitches last night. Tell me you got your ass licked last night. Tell me you farted in a chick’s mouth and her cheeks blew up last night.

–Barbershop, Queens

Overheard by: Nathaniel

Barbershop Fun

Haircutter: So she wanted me to put wax in her hair. And I told her I didn’t have any, that it’s $19 a bottle and if I get some for everyone I’ll go through it in no time. So she says that I should buy it for my customers. If she likes it so much, she should go buy it herself. I mean, it’s one thing if the cunt were a good tipper. –Astor Place [Translated from the Russian]

Strangely, Our First Ever Quote to Include the Words “Pig Urine”

Old man: So where are you from?
Barber: Russia.
Old man: Oh yes, they have a lot of money there in Russia.
Barber: No, very poor.
Old man: Where in Russia are you from?
Barber: Uzbekistan.
Old man: Oh! So you're from the boondocks? Your country would be like the boondocks to Russia.
Barber: I lived in a city.
Old man: A city? You mean you didn't grow up on a farm?
Barber: No.
Old man: You didn't have livestock?
Barber: Yes. We had pigs and chickens.
Old man: Pigs are great. But pig urine smells awful. And chickens are stupid. They will lie back with their mouths open and drown in a rainstorm.
Barber: Yes, chickens are stupid. I named them after my sisters.

–E 9th & Ave A

…Or Am I Thinking Of That Mel Gibson Movie Where He's All Deformed?

Waiting patron to man in stylist chair: You look like the guy in that old gangster movie. It's not Scarface, though.
Hair stylist: The one with John Travolta, right?
Patron: No, no, it's an old one, with George Raft.
Man in chair: I don't know which one you mean…
Patron: No, it's an old one. Black and white, from the '30s.
Hair stylist: Face/Off, it's with John Travolta and Nicolas Cage.

–125th St & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Haha! You Said “Wednesday One-Liners”!

Professor: So, the probability you’re dealing with a straight is determined by what comes out the back end here.

–Statistics lecture, Columbia University

Overheard by: Chuckles

Blonde hairstylist to male customer: Men are easy. I could do 15 men a day.

–Upscale hair salon

NYU professor about expertise involved in determining chicken gender: When was the last time you turned over a chick?

–NYU

Biology professor: Homo erectus? Homosapiens? I don’t know… So many homos.


–Wagner College


Overheard by: Catherine

Prim older lady: You guys could eat out. Also, you could go out for dinner… Yes, I’m twelve.

–Relish, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ursula and Winifred

I Just Like Getting On My Knees Five Times A Day

Hairdresser #1: So, you’re a practicing Muslim?
Hairdresser #2: Yep.
Hairdresser #1: So, do Muslims pray to God, or Mohammed, or both?
Hairdresser #2: I don’t really get into the details.

–East 19th St & Ave R, Brooklyn

Overheard by: brooklyn blonde


Headline by: ilemanzer


Runners-Up:
· “I pray to Allah Updo and Crewcut Christ” – katcob
· “I’m just into the hating Jews part.” – DaveO
· “I’m more about the accessories” – Ty
· “Islam is in-er than Thai ladyboys this season.” – eyp
· “Neither does the President.” – Becca




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