Archive for the ‘Barbershop’ Category

Wednesdays Have “The Last Supper” on Their One-Liners

Guy: Do I look like I ordered strawberries and cream? I have tattoos on my head and face! –Starbucks Being a full-time tranny is like having a tattoo on your forehead. Like, you can't work, like, what do you do? –Brooklyn Customer to another, about barber: Take him for example, he was in the special forces. He's got a big tattoo on his arm that says, "Kill 'em all, let god sort 'em out." Drop him off in Prospect Park today and tomorrow he'll be eating a sandwich. –Park Slope Barber Shop Overheard by: ian daywalker Chatty young woman to bored-looking guy friend: You know, my shoes would really look a lot better if I had a foot tattoo. –D Train Man with tattoo that reads "don't go to hell" to friend: There's a funny story behind this tattoo. I was dating this bitch, and she would wake up every morning and suck my dick. Or fuck the shit out of me. And then tell me I was going to hell. You have no idea what this bitch put me through. I mean, sexually, she was great. We'd go out to bars and both of us would pick up chicks, so that by the end of the night we'd have two or three women hanging around us trying to go home with us. –Chipotle Overheard by: Jana

Wednesday Bloodliners

Girl to guy: And then he cheated on me with his male and female cousin. –9th & 21st, Chelsea Guy on phone: You should tell him next time he should keep his dick in his sister. –72nd & Central Park West Guido, getting his hair cut, in a thick Staten Island accent: Show me where it says in the Holy Bible that you can't bang your stepsister. –Staten Island Barber Shop Overheard by: Snewsboy Dude on cell: Bitch, I don't care how much you give me, your ass just ain't worth it. (pause) Plus, I can just get it for free from my sister. –Coffee Shop, Hell's Kitchen Overheard by: really hope he didn't mean what i thought… Girl to mother, after game: I'd rather go down on my sister than take the d train to Times Square right now. –Old Yankee Stadium Overheard by: datura0001

Haha! You Said “Wednesday One-Liners”!

Professor: So, the probability you’re dealing with a straight is determined by what comes out the back end here. –Statistics lecture, Columbia University Overheard by: Chuckles Blonde hairstylist to male customer: Men are easy. I could do 15 men a day. –Upscale hair salon NYU professor about expertise involved in determining chicken gender: When was the last time you turned over a chick? –NYU Biology professor: Homo erectus? Homosapiens? I don’t know… So many homos. –Wagner College Overheard by: Catherine Prim older lady: You guys could eat out. Also, you could go out for dinner… Yes, I’m twelve. –Relish, Williamsburg Overheard by: Ursula and Winifred

Wednesday One-Liners Thought Felicity Huffman Deserved that Oscar

Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys? –42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory. –Bus in Lincoln Tunnel TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn. –NYU Silver Center Overheard by: Limey Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’ –26th St Overheard by: agrees with that girl College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman? –114th & Broadway Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate. –Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn