Archive for the ‘Baristas’ Category

Only If They're Envying the Yellower Bananas

Starbucks barista: Sorry, we're all out of bananas. Would you like to try something else?
Beach bum tanning girl: But I never drink anything from here that doesn't have bananas.
Starbucks barista: Well, we have some bananas in the back, but they still look green.
Beach bum tanning girl, clearly confused: If they're green on the outside, does that mean they're green on the inside too? –Starbucks, Staten Island Overheard by: Jacqueline Battaglia

Just Slowly Back Away from the Terrifying Foreign Person

Barista: Sir, you can pay for the juice over there.
Middle-aged Brit: But I bought it.
Barista: No you didn’t.
Middle-aged Brit: Yes, I did — at another place.
Barista: Yeah, oookay [rolls eyes].
Middle-aged Brit: I really did.
Barista: Yeah, oookay.
Middle-aged Brit: What the fuck is your problem?
Barista: Well, you just stole juice, and you’re being an ass, so you can leave now.
Middle-aged Brit: Excuse–
Old lady Brit: –Alexander, just stop talking! He could shoot you! –Starbucks, Fashion District Overheard by: only in new york

Ten, if It’s a Grande

Barista #1: Guess what I just did — drank a whole package of frappucino mix.
Barista #2: Ew.
Barista #1: She said she’d pay me five dollars.
Barista #2: What if you get, like, diarrhea or something?
Barista #3: I’ll give you seven if you get diarrhea. –Starbucks, 111th St

Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Knitting girl: Don't let your drunk girlfriend name your cat, because eventually you will break up with her and then you'll have a cat with a stupid name. –The Point Knitting Cafe Overheard by: Heather Woman coming out of restroom, holding a bottle of liquid soap: You gotta keep the cat clean! –NYU Hospital Overheard by: A nurse who wish she wasn't sometimes!! Female tourist, to herself: There are nine ways to skin a cat, and I know all of them. –23rd & 8th Man to woman, arguing: Fuck you, Nina, that's the point. You're not taking my cat! –Central Park Old man to friend, during lunch: I don't like cats' attitudes. Unlike dogs, they can be so aloof. Especially to Jews… –Deli, 1st Ave Overheard by: Allison

You Mean Gay Mafia Tight?

Dude to waiter: Yeah, I'll have the scrambled eggs. Scramble 'em soft so they're a little runny, with extra crispy bacon–almost burnt–wheat bread just a little toasted. Yeah, very light. And a cut of Gruyere cheese and grapes on the side. Yo, you still got those crumpets? Those flaky crumpets? Cool, I'll have 'em with peppermint tea with a wedge of lemon and cane sugar. Alright? Thanks.
Girlfriend, eying him warily: Babe, your brunch game is tight. Like, suspiciously tight… –The Farm on Adderley, Brooklyn