Dude to waiter: Yeah, I'll have the scrambled eggs. Scramble 'em soft so they're a little runny, with extra crispy bacon–almost burnt–wheat bread just a little toasted. Yeah, very light. And a cut of Gruyere cheese and grapes on the side. Yo, you still got those crumpets? Those flaky crumpets? Cool, I'll have 'em with peppermint tea with a wedge of lemon and cane sugar. Alright? Thanks.
Girlfriend, eying him warily: Babe, your brunch game is tight. Like, suspiciously tight…
–The Farm on Adderley, Brooklyn
Archive for the ‘Baristas’ Category
Only If They're Envying the Yellower Bananas
Starbucks barista: Sorry, we're all out of bananas. Would you like to try something else?
Beach bum tanning girl: But I never drink anything from here that doesn't have bananas.
Starbucks barista: Well, we have some bananas in the back, but they still look green.
Beach bum tanning girl, clearly confused: If they're green on the outside, does that mean they're green on the inside too?
–Starbucks, Staten Island
Overheard by: Jacqueline Battaglia
…I Was Just Testing You.
Loud Indian woman: Noodles are coming, right?
Waiter: You didn't order noodles.
Loud Indian woman: Oh.
Waiter: Do you want noodles?
Loud Indian woman: No.
–Indonesian Restaurant
Overheard by: Miss Carrie
How Is Ordering at Starbucks Like Finishing the Special Forces Obstacle Course, Alex?
Customer: I'd like a venti passion tea lemonade please.
Barista: Sorry, we're out of venti cups.
Customer: Okay, can you just put it in two tall cups then?
Barista: Sure, no problem.
Barista, after ringing up customer: That's $5.98.
Customer: Um, a venti lemonade is $3.55.
Barista: Yes, but you ordered two tall lemonades.
–Starbucks, Queens
Park Avenue Being the Land Of the Midnight Sun
Barista to client: Today is the first day of summer, so it's the longest day of the year!
Client: Oh, yeah, how long is it exactly?
Cashier: I dunno, like 27 hours or something.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Brie
And It's Made from Concentrate– Bwahaha!
Yuppie male at counter, taking a sip of his orange juice, sighing: Let me guess. This isn't freshly squeezed.
Barista: Nope!
–Amy's Bread
Stupid Healthy Alternative
Barista: What would you like?
Woman: You know what? I think I'm going to go get a smoothie instead. (leaves and crosses the street to go to Jamba Juice)
–Starbucks
Are These Full-Spectrum Pine Cones?
Barista: See, in this one you can mold your very own candles into the shape of wax pine cones in a multitude of colors.
(quiet drunken silence)
Drinker: Well, which colors?
–Bowery b/w 3rd & 4th
Overheard by: Jen
Like a Little Kid Knows the Difference?
Waitress: How do you like your toast? White bread or wheat?
Boy child: Toasted.
Waitress: I'm sorry, but how would you like it?
Boy child: Toasted.
–Manhatten Ave & Nassau Ave
And Your Finest Beer Bong.
Waitress: Would you like another martini?
NYU girl, pensively: Umm… I don't know. I have to leave in 15 minutes. Do you think I can get it in?
Waitress: How fast do you drink?
NYU girl: Yeah, pretty fast. Okay, another of the same.
–Lure Fishbar