Archive for the ‘Baristas’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Bit Fruity

Young barista to another, peeling a banana: You like your women like you like your bananas. –Bedford Ave Man outside fry place: They don't sell watermelon here. I read the menu three times, and no watermelon. –Pomme Frites, 2nd Ave Dude on cell: Banana. Banana banana banana banana. Banana. –Flatbush Avenue, Brooklyn Overheard by: Sarah Booz 30-something suit to another: If I'm hungry I'll eat a banana, but I can't eat more than one. Because bananas, like, annoy me. –Metro-North Harlem Line Employee: All natural mango juice, on sale for 66… no, 69 cents off the regular price.
(customer walks away, uninterested) Where do you think you're going? –Whole Foods Overheard by: Sac

Wednesday One-Liners Kill You With Your Own Collarbone

Drunk to Asian guy: Tell me, why is it that when Asians get in street fights, they never use their martial arts? –1 Train Overheard by: Fonvielle Waiter: Please let me know if you have any food allergies. We ninjas don't like to kill by accident; we only kill on purpose. –Ninja Japanese Restaurant Little boy to grandfather: Hey grandpa, are you a black belt or any kind of ninja? –Cobble Hill, Brooklyn Overheard by: Jess Health care worker: I'ma kill that ninja! –Brooklyn Health Center

Anxiety I Like to Relieve by Peeing in Coffee Cups

Barista girl: Ohmigod, I love your shoes! I want them.
Register girl: Thanks.
Barista girl: I love them! Awww.
Register girl, embarrassed: Thanks, haha.
Barista girl: I love them, but I can never get them… Because I can't wear black with brown.
Register girl, borderline offended: Why not?
Barista girl: It gives me anxiety, that's why. –Starbucks

Wednesday One-Liners, Hosted by Rackspace

Woman on cell: He was here for ten days and he only touched my boobs twice! –Penn Station Overheard by: and my girlfriend would be upset if it were 10 minutes Old thug passing three fat chicks on their way to a club: Explosion of titties! –Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn Hipster barista guy: A boob is just a moisturized bag of skin, seriously! –Think Coffee Overheard by: its to early for this conversation Full-on punk guy: Dude! Shit is so good! I just want someone to squirt tahini all over my tits! –St. Mark's Place Overheard by: Dahlia Girl on phone: Wait! What? No! Well, I do shit a lot. But I don't want to shit my boobs away! –Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners May Give You Gas

Guy to girl: You're going to regret it for the rest of your life if you get the wrong salad. –SoHo Overheard by: Confabulation Nation Slender waitress to two large customers: Make sure you finish *all* of that! Especially the celery. That's my favorite part! (they look in disgust) –Applebee's, Astoria Yoga clothes-clad girl, loudly to friend: It is not a vegetable. It's a legume! –6th Ave & W 12th St Man to woman: So I sayz, "Lady, you're my cuppa tea alright, but I like the occasional cucumber, if you know what I'm sayin'…" –Herald Square Overheard by: Mira Gay guy: I saw people coming out of the woods and I was like, "Aghhh! Corn children!" –8th & 45th Overheard by: i'd be scared, too Sarah Jessica Parker's son: Do you know what kind of lettuce she likes? –Washington Square Overheard by: Brooke