Archive for the ‘Bartenders’ Category

You Can't Say “Engelbert Humperdinck” in a Gay Bar, Sir

Bar patron, listening to Sweet Caroline: Wow. I've never heard this version before. It's cool! Who's singing?
Twinkie bartender: It's from that show Glee. I've never heard the original, though. Whose song is it?
Bar patron: Oh, man, that takes me back. Englebert Humperdinck. A guy named Englebert Humperdinck–he wrote it for Caroline Kennedy.

–Gay Bar, West Village

Overheard by: Bob

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Real Sob Story

Cute girl on Penn station escalator: I dipped my dim sum in her tears!

–NJ Transit

Man in running gear on cell: I never get to, but I'm going to try again. I just hope I don't cry!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Daniel

Girl to friend: I cried so hard it went down and under my armpit.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: porter

Bartender: I'll bet he cries when he masturbates.

–MacDougal & W 3rd

Overheard by: Greg

Woman to friends: My vagina is leaking tears right now.

–5th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Zoe

Wednesday One-Liners, for Purely Medicinal Purposes

Guy wearing a promotional cardboard to another: I think I'm going to treat myself to health insurance next month.

–Broadway & 43rd St

Overheard by: Maria

Woman on phone: My urologist wanted to stick a microscope up my urethra! (pause) No! (pause) Because it's going to hurt!

–Vandam St & 6th Ave

20-something woman on cell: Yeah, the doctor told me not to exfoliate my labia.

–R Train

Overheard by: Note to self….

Bartender: I gotta get sexy for my doctor tomorrow. I'm gonna be like, "doctor, I need you to examine me. I need you to remove my garments." Nah… I'm just playin'. My doctor's cute, though. For real. I'm just gonna show some cleavage or somethin'.

–Jamaica, Queens

Woman on phone: She wants to be a doctor. She likes it when the guts fall out. (pause) No, she wouldn't do that. She's too lazy to be a serial killer.

–Fox Newsroom, 6th & 48th

Overheard by: Newsbunny