Archive for the ‘Bartenders’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners, for Purely Medicinal Purposes

Guy wearing a promotional cardboard to another: I think I'm going to treat myself to health insurance next month.

–Broadway & 43rd St

Overheard by: Maria

Woman on phone: My urologist wanted to stick a microscope up my urethra! (pause) No! (pause) Because it's going to hurt!

–Vandam St & 6th Ave

20-something woman on cell: Yeah, the doctor told me not to exfoliate my labia.

–R Train

Overheard by: Note to self….

Bartender: I gotta get sexy for my doctor tomorrow. I'm gonna be like, "doctor, I need you to examine me. I need you to remove my garments." Nah… I'm just playin'. My doctor's cute, though. For real. I'm just gonna show some cleavage or somethin'.

–Jamaica, Queens

Woman on phone: She wants to be a doctor. She likes it when the guts fall out. (pause) No, she wouldn't do that. She's too lazy to be a serial killer.

–Fox Newsroom, 6th & 48th

Overheard by: Newsbunny

Standby for the World's First $12 Cup o' Cocoa

Patron to bartender goon: I'll have a hot cocoa, please.
Bartender goon: Cocoa? What the fuck do I know about cocoa?

–Diner, 14th St & 6th Ave

Headline by: Leary Blaine

Runners-Up:
· “His Mom Used to Give Him Beer Before Bedtime” – Vasyl

· “It’s Like a Hot Carl, but with Marshmallows” – I’ll have one straight up
· “It’s Like a Sex on the Beach, Only with Dark Sand” – Sandy Paws
· “Just Kidding… Password Accepted; Third Door on Your Right” – Dustin
· “The Same Question That Got Him Fired from Starbucks” – version
· “Unless You’re Referring to That Stripper That Used to Work Here” – Ramsey
· “Way to Go Glen Cocoa” – Mean Girlz


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Baby, You Can Drive My Wednesday One-Liner

Teenage girl to friends: How many babies can you squish into an oversized Ferrari?

–W 77th & Central Park West

Overheard by: Teddy Nicholas

Bartender: Can you imagine living somewhere where you actually have to drive home after work?

–Vintage Restaurant, Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: GretaGarbo86

Dude eating lunch with friends: Man, I hate to say it, but I love driving drunk.

–Restaurant, Bleecker & Lafayette

Gay black man to another: First of all, that fender bender you had a block away from your house was not a car accident. My three-car-pile-up was a car accident!

–A Train

Six-year-old to mom: What? An actual person who drinks and drives and she's famous? She's been in movies and she drinks and drives?! What is happening to this world?

–13th St & 5th Ave

Random wannabe thug: Yo, we seen a NYPD car get hit by a harpoon!

–Montgoris Dining Hall, St. John's University

Overheard by: Craig

Reader Poll: Which Part Of That Last Statement Was More Disturbing?

20-something guy: His beard makes him look like Chuck Norris.
20-something girl: Who?
Bartender: Chuck Norris. He was Walker, Texas Ranger.
20-something guy: You don't know who Chuck Norris is?
20-something girl: I feel like we always talk about Chuck Norris and I have no idea who he is.

–3rd St & Berry, Williamsburg

Overheard by: