Archive for the ‘Bartenders’ Category

Well, Sometimes We Toast Them.

Waiter from Minnesota: Yeah, check it out! Minnesota is the 2nd healthiest-eating state!
Bartender from Brooklyn: What do you eat in Minnesota?
Waiter: Well, there are a lot of Scandinavians there so we eat like, you know, sandwiches.
Bartender: (silence)
Waiter: What?
Bartender: You’re actually serious, aren’t you?

–Greenwich Ave & 7th Ave

Overheard by: TrigStarr

‘Cause If You Do Like Torture, My Culture Is All Over That

D.O.M.: I really like your culture.
Cute Japanese bartender: You… like torture?
D.O.M.: What? No, no… Culture — culture….
Bartender: [Silence.]
D.O.M.: Culture. Man, how do I say this…?
Bartender: [Silence.]
D.O.M.: … I like what you guys do.
Bartender, leery: Thanks…

–Japanese restaurant

Overheard by: aulevan

Wednesday One-Liners Should Be the City’s Official Animal

Bronx-born bartender: Theses mouses is gangstas up in here!

–Bar, Gramercy Park

Overheard by: Johnny Progrums

Hispanic kid in group: Gah! Not only do they have rats, but they have immigrants!

–34th St, between 7th & 8th Ave

Black queer on cell, flailing arms as rat crosses his path: Oh my god, a giant rat just went by! It was as large as a purse!

–93rd & Broadway

Woman on phone: … So they said, ‘If you found a rat, then you got a free taco…’

–92nd & Lex

Overheard by: Lost my craving for Mexican for dinner

NYU chick: Is that like a rat that masturbates?!

–Carlyle residence hall, Union Square

Overheard by: j

Wednesday One-Liners Read Overheard in the Office

Conductor: Are you going to work? Are you going somewhere? Let us know by getting out of train doors.

–R train, Lexington Ave stop

Bartender swinging nipple tassels: Can you believe they wouldn’t let me do this at my old job?!

–Bar, Broadway, between 76th & 77th

Overheard by: Lezbotron

IT guy: I can break whatever I want, because I fix it!

–Office, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: beans

I-banker to two others: He got the bonus for people that don’t get bonuses.


Comedy club flyer guy: I hate my job, and it’s all your fault!

–Times Square

30-something hippie at show: 2008 is the year that I get a job.

–New Year’s Eve concert

Overheard by: Smash