Archive for the ‘Battery Park’ Category

Wednesday Too-Soon-Liners

American tourist on phone: So, I've just been to ground zero and it's like totally overrated; it's just a hole in the ground.

–Central park

Sensitive guy: She's probably the number one cause of post-traumatic stress syndrome since 9/11!

–Restaurant, 46th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Man, looking out window: Looks like they are building something.

–WTC Path Station

Tourist: That building is really tall, I think it's the World Crade Center!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Cheerful tourist dad taking photo of tourist family: Smile and say 9/11!

–Battery Park

Overheard by: CJW

Wednesday One-Liners Really Need to Montauk

Asian fag to white hag: So if a natural disaster happened and Long Island had to be evacuated, we'd, like, all be screwed!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Woman on cell: You all should come to Long Island. They're fucking civilized over there.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Smitten Kitten

Hipster on cell, suddenly yelling: Mom, I live in New York City, not Long Island! New York City! Get a map. I live in New York City.

–Greenpoint

20-something blonde on cell: Uh… Long Island… that's on the East Side, right?

–John St & Cliff St

Overheard by: BennyP

Jersey girl to Long Island guys: Oh my god! I've never been to Long Island! I'll need rockstar directions! Oh, and I totally have camel toe!

–51st & 6th

Overheard by: Fanx 4 that

Incomprehensible Wednesday One-Liners from Japan

Girl wearing yoga outfit to friend: And I'm like "you know that your face looks like a fucking cartoon character, don't you?"

–Houston & Mott

Overheard by: JohnJayinNYC

Teen boy: I don't like people. I just like Pokemon.

–Chipotle, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike N

Blipster: Girl, you know I already got a headache and then she all up in my face with that Dragon Ball Z breath.

–Fulton & Pearl

Girl, during promo network commercial before Up: It is not Cartoon Network if there are real people. I refuse to watch this show.

–Movie Theatre, Battery Park

Overheard by: Yelena

Excited man on cell: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? What are they? People love ancient Egypt way more than ninja turtles.

–Hungarian Pastry Shop

Overheard by: Casey Black

Scruffy hipster to friend: Now all we need to do is find Splinter and Donatello.

–L Train

Overheard by: lilli

Wednesday One-Liners See the World With Fresh Eyes

Little boy to dad: Does the Statue of Liberty have a claw?

–Battery Park

Little boy to mother: Will you hurry up? You're slower than my aunt Jebediah in the bathtub!

–Clark St, Brooklyn

Four-year-old boy to mother: And then you fed me…from your belly button!

–Old Navy Store

Overheard by: Joyfully Yours

Little boy playing with friend: Buenos dias, reptile!

–Astoria Park

Overheard by: Julie & Zane

Blond six-year-old, looking at father's New Yorker magazine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

–Doma Cafe

Seven-year-old with Spiderman backpack: Dad, have I lost my youth?

–1 Train

Little girl with pigtails, running to sit with family: We're going to the dark side!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Wednesday One-Liners Just Do It for the Endorphins

Mystified/amused pot dealer, as two jocks jog past him after sunset: They just runnin'! No cops, no robbers, no cowboys, no Indians, nothing blowin' up. They just runnin'!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: innocent bystander

Dad to three-year-old boy learning to how to swing: Well, maybe if you were in better shape, this would be easy for you. You need to work on your abdominals.

–Rckefeller Park

Overheard by: Maria

White buff guy, during spin class: I need to do some serious laundry, so I only had the one clean towel. If ya can't get one, I can always just give you mine and do my usual air dry jumping jacks for the insane amount of fems they have in the locker room over there. But apparently I have a bad-case-of-gay-face, because they look at me like a fat kid in front of the tasty delight window.

–29th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Lace

Suit to another: I wish I could bench press the sins of the world!

–74th St & Broadway

Girl in short skirt and stilettos: Did we just power-strut too far?

–PATH

A Shitload Of Wednesday One-Liners

Eight-year-old Russian boy, in Martin Luther King voice: I had a dream, that one day…I pooped. (giggles)

–Q Ttrain

Overheard by: Robert G.

Drunk bro on phone: I know I'm not the guy you fuck in the shower, but can I shit on your chest?

–Fordham University

Woman on cell: There's no law against defecation.

–3rd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: SophieMed

Man whispering into cell: I'm going to have to take a number two while we're talking.

–Sunshine Suites

Young man on cell: We're in the ticket line. Are you still pooping?

–Castle Clinton

Overheard by: B Fraz

20-something guy to friends: When I poop on something, I want someone to notice!

–Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: I prefer to flush

Wednesday Has His Cake and Eats One-Liners, Too

Teen on cell: Man, it's really hard to be bi-curious around gay guys you don't like.

–L Train

Older gay man: Oh, it must be wonderful to be bisexual! I mean, bilingual.

–69th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ana

Girl to friend: My boyfriend is bi. I told him I didn't want him making out with other girls. Other boys are fine, because they don't kiss on the mouth as much.

–Europa Cafe, 53rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Sam

Large black man on cell: Yeah, you know, baby, this is the city. Eeeeverybody's bisexual!

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Modern Guilt

Wednesday One-Liners Hang Weird Shit on Their Mirrors

Cab driver, getting cut off: Yeah, drive like you want that cheeseburger!

–Columbus Circle

Cabbie: I got in some trouble and my wife threw all my clothes out of the house. I never realized how many clothes I have! I know New York streets better than my own closet! (laughs)

–Cab, Broadway & Houston

Cab driver to colleague who just honked after he stopped for a pedestrian: What, you want me to kill him?

–Battery Park

Middle Eastern cab driver: I used to have a video store in Washington Heights. But the black bastard put me out of business! Can you believe it? After ten years the black bastard put me out of business! Do you now the black bastard on Dyckman? C'mon! Everybody knows the back bastard! Black bastard! Black bastard video!

–Cab, Washington Heights

Overheard by: Gene Gray

Cab driver: When you drive for ten hours a day, you learn that over 50% of drivers are, how do you say it…stupid.

–Queens

Overheard by: Fiasco

Wednesday One-Liners Powder Their Noses

Female suit in bathroom stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (pauses, makes bathroom noises) Okay, well, I need it today. Listen…okay…(pauses, more bathroom noises) Great! (pauses, toilet flushes) No, it's okay, go ahead. (pauses) Okay, no, I'm really sorry–I'm just entering the subway, that's what all that noise was. (storms out of the bathroom, doesn't wash her hands)

–34th St & 9th St

Flustered 50-something suit: It's burning! It's burning!

–Penn Station Bathroom

Man in stall: There should be a law against what's coming out of me.

–25th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: I agree

Suit in bathroom on cell: Honey, I can't talk to you right now. (pause) I'm in the bathroom! (pause) I've got a fucking dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick?

–Restroom, Grand Central

Six-year-old kid, finishing at urinal: Shake the weasel!

–Men's Room, Regal Battery Park City Cinemas

Overheard by: Russ Wall