Archive for the ‘Battery Park’ Category

Unless I Wore the Ronald Reagan Mask.

Guy trying to sell condoms with Obama on them: Obama condoms, folks! Only $5!
Teenage girl #1: I bet those are good for hard times!
Teenage girl #2: That's the kind of stimulus package I'm talkin' bout!
Teenage girl #1: Oh my god! You should get some for you and Bobby!
Teenage girl #2: No way! He's a Republican! He wouldn't fuck me for a whole week if I asked him to wear one!! –Battery Park Overheard by: i bought 2 of those.

Wednesday One-Liners Are “Technical Virgins”

Slutty gay kid: My ass is not a storage shed for your dick. –6th Ave & W 11th St Overheard by: Matthew Man on cell on bench at midnight: It's like this: you either take it in the ass or suck dick. –Battery Park Overheard by: DAISYMAE Guy holding KY lube containers to passer-by: Hey, you want some for your girlfriend? You can put it on her asshole. –St. Mark's Overheard by: Kon Girl on cell: Maybe if you change your relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship", I'll let you have buttsex with me. –SoHo Overheard by: seal Blond suit screaming into BlackBerry: I said I don't want buttsex for Valentine's Day! –38th St & Broadway Overheard by: Kat

Wednesday One-Liners Have No Trouble Getting Dates

Girl on bench, to guy in whose arms she is snuggled: Get your shit together and decide if you like men or women before you come around trying to date me! –Battery Park Woman to friend: What's with all these bi-colored, bi-curious tomatoes? –Farmers Market, Union Square Overheard by: Dave Thug on cell: Yo! You didn't know that? (pause) Yeah man, he love pussy, but he love dick too! –6th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave Drunk blonde: I like both black guys and white guys. Does that make me bi? –Joshua Tree Bar, Hell's Kitchen Overheard by: Mon

What's So Deadly About Wednesday One-Liners?

Gluttony Cashier lady: Damn, thank the Lord it's Friday! I'ma go to the heights and get me some margaritas and some quesadittas and get drunk and fat and happy. Damn! –Duane Reade Overheard by: Sam Lust Woman to male friend: Oh, that sucks! I'm such a whore… –5th Ave & 12th St Greed Teenager on school field trip eating sushi and talking to chaperon: Daddy, can I borrow some money for the gift shop? My credit card is down to its last $200. –Metropolitan Museum of Art Cafe Sloth Hipster, seeing that there was construction on the train: Ugh, what are we–going to have to walk places now? –L Train Wrath Library staff: Group study room people, we know who you are. Because we have your IDs. Please come downstairs and pick them up so we don't have to unleash our wrath on you. –Brooklyn College Library Envy Two woman walking tall dog: I mean… can you believe that I used to carry him in my Givenchy bag and wrap him in cashmere as a puppy? I would be jealous! –Bleecker & Spring Pride Girl, grabbing her ass: Don't you just love my ass? My ass rocks. I love my ass! –Battery Park

Wednesday Too-Soon-Liners

American tourist on phone: So, I've just been to ground zero and it's like totally overrated; it's just a hole in the ground. –Central park Sensitive guy: She's probably the number one cause of post-traumatic stress syndrome since 9/11! –Restaurant, 46th St & 9th Ave Overheard by: TheGreenCat Man, looking out window: Looks like they are building something. –WTC Path Station Tourist: That building is really tall, I think it's the World Crade Center! –Brooklyn Bridge Cheerful tourist dad taking photo of tourist family: Smile and say 9/11! –Battery Park Overheard by: CJW