Man on cell, coming out of The Dark Knight: I'm sorry that I couldn't pick up your call, I was in a very important meeting with a client.
–Lowes Movie Theater, 68th & Broadway
Guy on cell walking out of subway entrance: I'm getting on the subway now.
–Park Place & Church Street
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Female suit on cell: Well, I can't talk long, I'm about to get on a plane. Yeah, JFK.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: pop pop
Overweight woman to daughter in pink tutu: You made me come here! Don't lie! Don't lie! Don't lie!
–Ikea, Redhook
Overheard by: Emily B.
Annoying anchor: I'm writing a newscast. I don't have time to check facts.
–CBS News Headquarters, 57th St
Overheard by: The Shadow News Bunny
Archive for the ‘Battery Park’ Category
This Goes on Until Moe Slaps Them
Woman #1: Oh my god, I can't believe you said that!
Woman #2: Shut up, I did not just say that!
Woman #1: You just said that.
Woman #2: When did I say that?
Woman #1: You like *just* said that!
–Starbucks, Battery Park Plaza
Like Mr. Hefner
Person: So how do you get girls, Mr Lynn?
Mr Lynn: I adopt them.
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Excellence
It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Wednesday One-Liners
Girl to friend: So last night I hit myself in the eye with my broom while baking lasagna, drunk.
–Blarney Stone Pub
Suit on cell: Oh man, you should definitely ice and elevate that shit.
–AMC Lowes, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jessica Segal
Man in wheelchair to woman pushing him: Remember when I hit that stroller head on and the kid passed out?
–33rd b/w 7th & 8th
Conductor on speaker: Please bring the first aid kit to car three, please bring the first aid kit to car three, a passenger has a bite.
–Train Leaving Penn Station
Teen to friend: And that’s how I got my penis stuck in a pencil sharpener.
–Stuyvesant High School
Wednesday One-Liners Toot Their Own Horns
Guy on cell: Guitars… guitarists, guitarists… drummers, yeah, any musicians… Girls, yeah! Girls!
–Prospect Heights
Suave European guy: I am playing the piano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Librarianish-looking woman: He asked me if I wanted to blow his tuba, and I said, "sure!". It was amazingly harder than I thought it would be. And, he’s bringing his organ tomorrow so I can play with it.
–Battery Park Starbucks
30-something woman: My consultant was telling me I should try not to sound elitist. But that’s really hard for me. I mean, I have two master’s degrees and I play the violin.
–14th St & 1st Ave
Bodybuilder on cell: I’m thinking a harpsichord, a wig, and a whole lotta talcum powder.
–Chinatown Bus
Blonde high school girl: Grinding is as practical as playing the harpsichord was for Jane Austen.
–Upper East Side
Whereas “Friction” Is Steamy Molecular Sex
Male physics teacher (with accent): Does anybody know what induction is?
Female student: I know!
Male physics teacher (with accent): What is it?
Female student: No touchy-touchy!
Male physics teacher (with accent): Exactly!
–Stuyvesant High School
That Happens When We Borrow Money from China
Tourist son: Wow, is this high school?
Tourist dad: Yup, you gotta be like Asian to go here.
–Stuyvesant High School
Candy Is Dandy; To Lick Her Is Quicker
Girl #1: I think Inna still gets a little embarrassed when we have sexy-time.
Girl #2: Do you think that deep in her heart she is not a lesbian?
Girl #1: I dunno… But–
Girl #2: Remember the twizzler incident! The twizzler incident!
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Penneh
The Birth of the Hair Gel Diet –and You Are There!
Teen girl #1: Man… I really need some hair gel.
Teen girl #2: This morning, my mom told me I was too fat to go to prom.
–Bathroom, Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: thivnav
Wednesday One-Liners Make “Unsafe Requests”
Homeless man: Eliot Spitzer for President!… Make the White House the whorehouse!
–Battery Park
NYU guy: So my friend who works for Eliot Spitzer called me the other day and asked me to ask his roommate to delete all his emails. He didn’t say why, but then about two hours later I found out about the whole prostitute thing… And now I’m a little worried.
–NYU Bus
AmNY newspaper guy, handing out papers with Eliot Spitzer’s picture on the front page: $80,000 for a ho, and we can’t get a raise!
–Outside 33rd St Station, 33rd & Park
Crazy guy, speeding on a bicycle through a crowd: Don’t even think about it people! I gotta make a party at Spitzer’s in ten minutes!
–43rd & Lexington
Overheard by: Dan J
Old lady: Why, if I were young like you, I could be a call-girl to scum-of-the-earth Spitzer!
–Laundromat, 34th St, Long Island City