Archive for the ‘Beauty’ Category

At Least Wednesday One-Liners Can Cook

Drunk college girl: I don’t mean to have sex with ugly guys but more often than not…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lo

Thuggish dude on cell: … You want to look in the mirror and be like ewww, while everyone else looks at you and is like, ooh, you know what I’m saying? When I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror I think to myself shit, I am one ugly motherfucker, how the hell do I get so many bitches?

–7 Train

Overheard by: Andrea

Dumpy man waiting on line: I didn’t know court was a beauty contest for ugly women.

–Downtown NYC Courthouse

Man fighting with random woman on train: You’re as ugly as the tip of my dick!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Marlon B

Teenage girl to group of friends: Oh! Did I tell you *Jessica had her baby? Yeah, that shit ain’t ugly.

–Cobble Hill

Loud girl: Omigod I’m soooo pissed! Like, she’s so ugly. Much uglier than me. And you know on Halloween, if I hadn’t been bleeding from my vagina and puking in a bowl he would have hooked up with me instead.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: I was puking in a bowl when I heard this too

My Babies Will Be Ugly on the Inside, Just Like Their Mother

Teen #1: No, like, I feel BAD for ugly babies. It’s not their fault.
Teen #2: I mean, it’s like, oh my God, your little girl is so cute… what, it’s a boy? Oh my God, I am so sorry.
Teen #3: People always thought I was a boy when I was little. It was, like, so weird. Because I was obviously really cute, and I… I still am. Right, ladies?
Teen #1: Um, can you hand me a paper towel?
Teen #2: I have a headache. Ugh. Damn morning-after pill. No ugly babies for me!

–TGI Friday’s, 59th & Lex

Overheard by: not admitting she was in a T.G.I.Fridays

Yeah But She Can Only Give You an I or a Y

Employee #1: Hey, look at this picture.
Employee #2: Yeah, she never would have made cheerleader if she had two legs.
Headline by: azione
Runners-Up:
· “Amputation is the New Anorexia” – Amanda
· “And they want to take away affirmative action?” – Holly G
· “But I’d Still TOTALLY Bang Her” – Jason
· “But her talent is obvious…” – fuel
· “Come on, Eileen” – Parker
· “Four legs good, two legs bad!” – Zomzom
· “From the McCartney – Mills Divorce Files” – Gimpy La Rue
· “How to lose those extra pounds to make the squad: amputation” – Sean McGurr
· “Kids will do anything to make the team” – Spin
· “Or a head.” – Jeremiah Lewis
· “Playing the amputee card” – Mandaliet
· “She’d still be a virgin now too” – Sarah
· “Title IX didn’t say they had to actually do the routines.” – CityGirl
· “Tryouts were tough for the Special Olympics cheer squad.” – John
· “We call her Tripod Betty” – Wendy
· “When Affirmative action goes too far” – Marv in DC
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Megapixeliners

Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.

–K-Mart, 34th St

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.

–100th St & Broadway

Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ayenbird

Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.

–14th St & 7th Ave

Pandora Can’t Get a Break

Guy #1: So I was talkin’ to him ’bout his sister–
Guy #2: Yo man, that chick is so fine.
Guy #1: Man, I know what you mean. But she naive, you know? She don’t know how fine she is.
Guy #2: Yeah. Naive.
Guy #1: But then she had the nerve to touch his boxes. What chick touches a guy’s boxes? She got an ugly soul. –E train Overheard by: Suzie