Archive for the ‘Beauty’ Category

I Mean, What Are the Odds Of Her Meeting Anybody Who Likes Her the Way She Is?

Dude #1: I think she's cute.
Dude #2: You have serious problems.
Dude #1: Really?
Dude #2: Like, you should be going to meetings or something.
Dude #1 (laughing): There are a lot of things I should be going to meetings for.
Dude #2: True story!
Dude #1: But seriously, I think she's kinda cute.
Dude #2: She needs to lose about 30 pounds.
Dude #1: I told her 20.
Dude #2: Okay. We'll reevaluate after 20.

–MetroNorth, Harlem Line

Overheard by: rpk

Wednesday One-Liners, Dry-Clean Only

Suit on cell: And three girls we know will be there. They're all hideous. But at least they're girls.

–28th & 5th

Overheard by: Heinz

Man in suit: The building is surrounded by outside. Right before you go in and when you come out, you are outside!

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: The Green Cat

Suit whining on cell: Aw, come on! I wanna be on top this time!

–Flushing

Overheard by: Zee

Suit: The only time I wore socks last year was during my swearing in.

–Maiden & William

Suit: You know, we should probably just send a company-wide email in the morning: "hey guys, we're fucked."

–Wall St

Overheard by: Tamcakes

Might Be Better to Be Fat, Ugly, and Deluded

Asian girl: I was going down the stairs just now, and this girl was getting seriously upset over how horrible she looks today. Then the boy she was with went all, ‘Oh my god, stop it!’ and asked me, ‘Doesn’t she look good today?’
White girl: And then?
Asian girl: I told him she looks lovely, and came here.
White girl: Oh.
Asian girl: But goddammit, I wanted to slap her upside the face! I mean, don’t go around crying over how ugly you look when you’re obviously skinny and gorgeous — that just makes you a bitch!
White girl: Mmm-hm. Seriously.

–Bronx Science

Wednesday One-Liners Have the Rainbow Connection

Gay man: Now that everything is lesbian, bi and transgender, I don't know if I can lead the committee anymore, 'cause I've got my gay male privilege.

–W 13th St

Man with clipboard: Do you have a moment for gay rights? (silence) C'mon, help support the people that made your clothes!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: You mean 10-year olds in Honduras?

Thug teenage dad, about baby staring at effeminate Asian man: Oh shit, she's already got her gaydar on.

–4 Train

Chick to friends: I would be like the sluttiest gay guy and it would be totally awesome.

–Christopher St

Man: …and you know there are a ton of gays who have no problem taking it straight up the ass.

–Times Square

11-year-old thuggish boy: No homo, but he looks better than his sister.

–Bronx Playground

Black guy: I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I'm gay! I'm proud! I'm in the front seat! I love guys!

–Union St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn

She Never Made It

Ghetto chick holding up lipstick: Teesha, smell this! Do this smell right to you?
Teesha: I don’t know. What it s’posed to smell like?
Ghetto chick: It smell funny — like it been in the store too long. I’ma take this shit back to Rite Aid [she puts the lipstick on].

–PATH

Overheard by: Manhattman

Or If We Were an Alien Race That Mated Through Our Hands

Short, fat, toothless-sounding woman: What we do is not disgraceful. There's nothing disgraceful about you.
Tall thin man, with boom box in hand: No.
Short, fat, toothless-sounding woman: There's nothing disgraceful about me.
Tall thin man: No.
Short, fat, toothless-sounding woman: It's the sin that's disgraceful. Us, holding hands, how we show our love, that's fine. It would be a whole different story if I wasn't married, but I am.

–Essex & Delancey

Overheard by: nb