Archive for the ‘Beauty’ Category

Yeah But She Can Only Give You an I or a Y

Employee #1: Hey, look at this picture.
Employee #2: Yeah, she never would have made cheerleader if she had two legs.
Headline by: azione
Runners-Up:
· “Amputation is the New Anorexia” – Amanda
· “And they want to take away affirmative action?” – Holly G
· “But I’d Still TOTALLY Bang Her” – Jason
· “But her talent is obvious…” – fuel
· “Come on, Eileen” – Parker
· “Four legs good, two legs bad!” – Zomzom
· “From the McCartney – Mills Divorce Files” – Gimpy La Rue
· “How to lose those extra pounds to make the squad: amputation” – Sean McGurr
· “Kids will do anything to make the team” – Spin
· “Or a head.” – Jeremiah Lewis
· “Playing the amputee card” – Mandaliet
· “She’d still be a virgin now too” – Sarah
· “Title IX didn’t say they had to actually do the routines.” – CityGirl
· “Tryouts were tough for the Special Olympics cheer squad.” – John
· “We call her Tripod Betty” – Wendy
· “When Affirmative action goes too far” – Marv in DC
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Megapixeliners

Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.

–K-Mart, 34th St

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.

–100th St & Broadway

Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ayenbird

Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.

–14th St & 7th Ave

Pandora Can’t Get a Break

Guy #1: So I was talkin’ to him ’bout his sister–
Guy #2: Yo man, that chick is so fine.
Guy #1: Man, I know what you mean. But she naive, you know? She don’t know how fine she is.
Guy #2: Yeah. Naive.
Guy #1: But then she had the nerve to touch his boxes. What chick touches a guy’s boxes? She got an ugly soul. –E train Overheard by: Suzie

Wednesday One-Liners, Damn Lies, and Statistics

Drunk British chick: She clucked and mooed, so I said twelve.

–Red Hook, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sam Jerman

Guy on cell: Did you know that one out of six people with scoliosis die every day? Yeah, I know… Ha! No, I’m just kidding. I made that up.

–Astor & Lafayette

Overheard by: Jay

Dude to chick: On a scale from one to cookie… you’re a seven.

–Central Park

Loud lady: I mean, how many times did I have my head between Greg’s legs? Only 12 or 13 times! Not that many times.

–Eugene O’Neill Theatre

Overheard by: tmoney

Black teen to his friends: Yo, I read the Bible nine times, and that shit contradicted itself like a motherfucker!

–Broadway & Steinway, Astoria