Princess: First I got on the wrong train–going uptown instead of downtown—and there was like (*sigh*) not a single pretty person on the train. Only in New York. I can’t imagine being anywhere else in the world, getting on the train and not seeing a single attractive person! –Union Square Station Overheard by: Phil Rosenbloom
Chick #1: So did you call him?
Chick #2: Nah.
Chick #1: Why not?
Chick #2: He literally looks like an old turtle. –D Train
Woman, as train stops: Mmm-mm… Excuse you!
Younger man: Huh?
Woman: You cut in front of me.
Younger man: How did I cut in front of you? You get up, and the people closer to the door go first. Like on a plane.
Woman: You cut in front of me, and a gentleman never cuts in front of a lady.
Younger man: Right. And a lady doesn't go “mmm-mm… Excuse you!”
–Grand Central Platform
Obnoxious girl: I want the meat closer to the bread.
(employee tries four different configurations trying to figure out what girl wants)
Obnoxious girl: No, I want the meat closer to the bread.
(worker pulls out some of the center of the bread)
Obnoxious girl: Now that you have mangled it, I want new bread.
–Subway, 110th St & Lenox
Queen #1: What the fuck, girl, did you not look in the mirror before walkin' out da house? Those shoes do not match that shirt!
Queen #2, with sass: You obviously did look in the mirror, because that shirt (points at dark yellow shirt) matches your teeth perfectly.
Latina mother to Asian man, quickly and in Spanish: I'm going to 82nd Street, do I have to get off to switch to a local train?
Asian man: What?
Latina mother, astonished and in perfect English: You don't speak Spanish?
Floozy #1, at fancy restaurant: I don't know if I can date him. Some of his dance moves were just not what I would call “heterosexual.”
Floozy #2: Yeeeeah, but it's really hard to dance heterosexually to house music.
–Monkey Bar, Midtown East
Fat black chick to random guy, rubbing and grabbing crotch: Mmm, come here baby, I washed it for ya.
Random guy: No, I don't want any of that.
Hood rat #1: It said “Puerto Rican Barbie.”
Hood rat #2: What?
Hood rat #1: That's why I bought that shit. Cuz you know she think she Puerto Rican anyway. She black on the outside, Puerto Rican on the inside. That's why she stay hanging round with those Ricans!
–Jay St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: CAC Baby from The Glebe
Slutty girl to friend: It's better that I get tested, right? Rather than just waiting to fuck someone and having them tell me?
Friend: Yeah, probably.
–Elevator, 4th Ave
Overheard by: oh really…