Chick: So then this huge fat lady with really bad teeth said, “This is the most fabulous party I’ve ever been to,” so I left. –1st Avenue & 9th Street Overheard by: Rex Danger
College girl on cell: So as of last weekend I've pledged to be celibate for a year…although on second thought, it should really start today. I got pretty trashed last night and this morning I couldn't find the underwear I was wearing yesterday.
Overheard by: Emma
20-something woman: Did you enjoy the bra fitting? Old lady grab your bits?
–Outside Town Shop
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Elderly woman examining bras: What's with all this padding? I got my own damn titties!
–H&M, 5th Ave
Overheard by: titti-less
Eight-year-old in a suit jacket on cell, strutting around the store: Did you see any hot, sexy girls? Yeah, but were they hot and sexy? Where are you, man? Are you still in the underwear aisle? Yeah, but are you still by the panties? (louder) The panties!
–Barnes & Noble, Tribeca
Overheard by: emdeebee
Trashy girl walking funny: Well, I guess I should have worn underwear.
Guy: I have a confession to make.
Girl: Can’t you make it to me after the movie?
Guy: I can’t help it, but I took a picture of your butthole last night while you were dozing.
Girl: You what?!
Obese lady in front row: Would you queers shut the fuck up?! I’m trying to watch this shit!
–AMC Theater, 42nd St
Overheard by: Scott
Biotech: God, I’m getting so old!
Friend: Old? You’re only six months older than me.
Biotech: Whatever. You totally still could have been aborted by the time I was born.
–114th & Broadway
20-ish man: So, I used to use the laundry on Driggs, but that place is dirty. Two weeks ago I started coming here–
30-ish woman: –I don’t give a shit. I just wanna have sex with you before I gotta get the kids and my husband comes home.
20-ish man: Okay.
Woman #1 to a child swinging his legs and wriggling: Stop that fidgeting!
Woman #2: See that? You even be irritating white women!
–B train, 96th St
Overheard by: Also Irritated
Rich chick: So now he’s telling me we need a kid. I don’t want one, but he says we can adopt and avoid all the messy stuff.
Friend: So are you going to?
Rich chick: I said I’d consider it if we can get one that’s actually white. You know. ‘Cause you never really know what they’re giving you.
Friend: That’s so true.
Chick: I get in the cab and in five seconds Billy’s got his hands and nose pressed against the glass. And I’m like, stop that! That’s not funny. They’ll think we’re fucking tourists. They’ll take us like the longest fucking way from here. They think we’re fucking tourists. You are not excited by the Brooklyn Bridge! Or the Statue of Liberty! –Lafayette St.
Princess: First I got on the wrong train–going uptown instead of downtown—and there was like (*sigh*) not a single pretty person on the train. Only in New York. I can’t imagine being anywhere else in the world, getting on the train and not seeing a single attractive person! –Union Square Station Overheard by: Phil Rosenbloom
Chick #1: So did you call him?
Chick #2: Nah.
Chick #1: Why not?
Chick #2: He literally looks like an old turtle. –D Train