Archive for the ‘Birds’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Call It “Extreme Sharing”

20-something hipster to friend, punching him in the arm: Dude, you stole my Facebook status! –Central Park Overheard by: dude, just think up a new one! Cable man to another, standing in line at Wendy's: Yeah, I was across the street at Popeyes, but it looked like some man was going to rob the place, so I came here instead. –Flatbush & Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn Overheard by: Anna Crazy lady to pigeon: Get outta here! You ain't gonna get none if you beg. You gotta wait for me to give it to you. (throws bread in other direction) That's why you ain't get none. (a few minutes later, she gets up to leave) Alright. It's been real. Thank for not stealing my potato chips. –Tribeca Park Four-year-old boy to mom: Mom, when you take chips from my bag without asking, you're stealing. We talked about this. We talked about this at length. –Uptown 3 Train Overheard by: This girl from NY

Don't Hate the Wednesday One-Liner, Hate the Game

(a pigeon flies up to a rambling bike messenger)
Bike messenger: Hey, bird. Whadda ya say? How you doing? You play baseball? What position? First base? Third? Catcher? –47th & Madison Ditzy teen on cell: Why can't they, like, have two footballs instead so both teams could score? –Doctor's Office, Brooklyn Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman Professor: Did I tell you guys I'm getting into professional wrestling? –Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Didn't want the details Guy to another, screaming at the top of his lungs: It's fucking field hockey! It's a girl's sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick! –Columbia University Overheard by: Scott Jurkowski Train conductor, announcing stop: Willets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *other* team. –Willets Point, Queens Overheard by: Random Asian Chick

A Real New Yorker Would Just Flip Her the Bird.

Flight attendant to woman who has just placed her bird on her arm before take off: Ma'am, I'm going to need you to secure that bird before we begin taxiing.
Bird lady: But it is secure. Aren't you, peaches? You like it out here, don't you?
Flight attendant: Please just secure the bird, ma'am. –Runway, JFK Overheard by: escaping to vegas

Commuting Can Be a Real Zoo

Conductor: Tickets, please. Oh, wow, is that a parrot?
Lady with parrot on her shoulder: Yes, it is. I take him out every mother's day to see my parents. He's on a leash, though, and won't make any noise.
Conductor: Okay, no problem. There's actually a cat in the next car and a dog in the one after that.
Parrot lady's kid: A cat in the next car?! Cats eat birds. One animal per car!
Conductor, deadpan: I've got bad news for you, kid–there's more animals on this car than just that parrot.
Casual observer, not looking up from his paper: Truer words have never been spoken. –Metro North

Wednesdays Floss After Every One-Liner

Asian girl on cell: Yeah… or I could just knock her teeth out and sell them on eBay or something. –Chelsea Market Overheard by: Alyssa Girl on cell: And out of nowhere dude a goddamn peacock feather hit me in the teeth! –Starbucks, 8th & 39th Old man: I can smell my own tooth decay! –Times Square Overheard by: One Liners Are The Best Lady on cell: I don't know what to do. I'm like nervous… I know… I haven't bought toothpaste in years… –Duane Reade Guy on phone: The difference between you and me is you drink tea and eat tofu. I drink whiskey and make people eat their teeth. –48th & 5th Ave Overheard by: Rebecca

Wednesday One-Liners Get Swept Away in Masses Of Humanity

Tourist: Hey look, it's 42nd Street! They named it after a Broadway show. –Times Square Overheard by: Really? REALLY!?! Tourist dad, as shuttle to Grand Central comes in: No! We need to take the purple to Grand Central Station, then the green! –Times Square Shuttle Platform Overheard by: D-Law Male tourist, watching stranger propose underneath Christmas tree: Hey buddy, did you go to Jared? –Rockefeller Center Southern tourist lady, as subway stops: Oh no, I think the train ran out of gas! –F Train Overheard by: Matt Southern tourist: I guess the birds ate all the hands off the statues. –The Cloisters, Harlem Overheard by: M@

It's Wednesday One-Linas, Boo

Thug to girlfriend: Listen, baby, I'm not really lying, fully! –Ave B & 10th St Thug: Yo, I wanna go to yoga, son! –St. Marks Place Thug: Sometimes I look around and wonder if in my next life I might be a bird. –1st & 3rd Overheard by: Angela Short thug on cell: I'm gonna get you some slippers, mami, so you can show off your feet. Show off your feet. (pause) Show off your feet! –7th Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: Ladle Thug to thug friend: Yo, man, you gotta wake up and smell them Arabica beans! –CVS Overheard by: freshly brewed. Thug, yelling to female companion: When you gon' let me show you some dick? When you gon' let me show you some dick? Just let me show you to see if you like it! If not, you can go back to those bitches! At least we'll have something in common! –7th Ave & 21st St, Brooklyn Thug, excitedly discussing favorite cold stone flavor: Yo, no homo man! Peanut sensation! –Downtown D Train Overheard by: Raven

Lions, and Tigers, and Wednesday One-Liners — Oh My!

20-something woman on cell: Did I tell you mom got into a fight with a raccoon again? (pause) Yeah, I know, our mom is totally going to die of rabies. –Starbucks, West Village Overheard by: Vaccinated for rabies Guy to another: Flap your wings baby, just flap your wings! –Broadway Woman, shouting at no one in particular: You know I'm unstoppable! I'm like an ox! –1 Train Overheard by: Rose Fox NYU girl: My mother was like, "what would you do with a giant inflatable turkey?" and I was like, "what wouldn't you do with a giant inflatable turkey?" –3rd Ave & 14th St Overheard by: Mickey