Girl: You're running around like a chicken with its legs cut off.
Guy: Wait, how can a chicken run without legs?
Girl: I don't know! It's an expression!
–AMC Loews Cinemas
Overheard by: Michael Brawley
Archive for the ‘Birds’ Category
The Teachings Of Wednesday One-Liners
Professor: I have nothing against horse rapists, generally speaking.
–New School University
Overheard by: Evan Gilmer
Psychology professor: Chocolate may make you feel good, but cocaine will make you feel a lot better!
–Barnard College
Elderly history professor: I'm not sure of the consequences of what I'm saying, but I'm sure it's terribly important.
–Pratt Institute
Serious professor, on Freud: What's the matter, Anne, are you thinking about penis envy?
–Classroom, Hunter College
Overheard by: Rara
Bearded professor: He drew an eye on the bird and asked me "do you know what this means?" (short pause) "I swallow." What do you say to that?
–94th St & Broadway
Overheard by: DI
Elderly professor: You two ladies in the back want to cut the bullshit and listen to my brilliance?
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Lions, and Tigers, and Wednesday One-Liners — Oh My!
20-something woman on cell: Did I tell you mom got into a fight with a raccoon again? (pause) Yeah, I know, our mom is totally going to die of rabies.
–Starbucks, West Village
Overheard by: Vaccinated for rabies
Guy to another: Flap your wings baby, just flap your wings!
–Broadway
Woman, shouting at no one in particular: You know I'm unstoppable! I'm like an ox!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
NYU girl: My mother was like, "what would you do with a giant inflatable turkey?" and I was like, "what wouldn't you do with a giant inflatable turkey?"
–3rd Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Mickey
For Missing All the Free Games
Drunk Jets fan #1: If I was a bird or a bat, I'd live in a stadium.
Drunk Jets fan #2: Well, yeah, otherwise you're just stupid.
–PATH
Black Guys Running the Bases in a Suspicious Manner?
Little boy, pointing at NYPD helicopter: Daddy ! What's that?
Dad: That's a ghetto bird. (then to friends) Normally it's native to neighborhoods with a lot of black people… Wonder what it's doing here?
–Citifield Stadium
Overheard by: Matt F.
Here's Forest Whitaker to Explain
Park Slope mom #1: I'm going to be honest. We have night birds near my house.
Park Slope mom #2: Oh my god! Us too! I tried to report it!
Park Slope mom #1: Why are these birds chirping at night? Don't they need to sleep?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: D-Law
Is That a Challenge?
Man hawking straw hats: Hats, 10 dollars! Two for 15!
Man walking by: 10 dollars! For 10 dollars, there should be a feather.
Man hawking straw hats: You want a feather? Catch a bird!
–Bleecker & Thompson
Overheard by: meli$$a
Commuting Can Be a Real Zoo
Conductor: Tickets, please. Oh, wow, is that a parrot?
Lady with parrot on her shoulder: Yes, it is. I take him out every mother's day to see my parents. He's on a leash, though, and won't make any noise.
Conductor: Okay, no problem. There's actually a cat in the next car and a dog in the one after that.
Parrot lady's kid: A cat in the next car?! Cats eat birds. One animal per car!
Conductor, deadpan: I've got bad news for you, kid–there's more animals on this car than just that parrot.
Casual observer, not looking up from his paper: Truer words have never been spoken.
–Metro North
Wednesday One-Liners Don't Give a Cluck
Extremely tall black woman watching video excerpt of porn star Marilyn Chambers "self pleasuring": Huh, looks like she's cleaning out a chicken.
–Museum of Sex, 5th Ave
Very round and fat short woman on cell: Next time ya come down to Astoria bring me some ribs! (girlishly) Bring me some chicken or some ribs. (pause) Wellll, bring some tomorra! (pause) I'll be lickin' my fingas at 4:30 in the mornin'!
–N Train
Overheard by: I want some ribs too
Suit on cell: So, the chicken comes out of its cage, and then it picks your fortune!
–Baxter St & Walker St
Overheard by: Kristin
High school girl: I'm sorry, but I was really high, and the chicken was just sitting there in the fridge. I mean, would you think someone's a bad person who kills someone when they're drunk? (pause) Let's pretend I didn't say that.
–86 St
Lady on cell: They eat the same thing all the time. Every single day it's curried chicken, white rice, curried chicken, white rice. I just want a damn sushi burger!
–Downtown F Train
Gay guy dressed in black with painted red hair: So fuck it. I'm gonna make a fetish costume for a chicken!
–11st St & 3rd Ave
Duck: Just Fertilize Her Eggs, Already!
Man: You're gonna have to accept that if, say, we're having a romantic afternoon and we pass a hottie on the street, I will check her out, then have to run over, tackle her, dry hump her, and then run away from her, yelling, “I'm sor-ry!” I can't be held accountable for my behavior.
Woman: Yes, you can.
Man: It must be great to be a duck. No relationships. Just eating and living.
Woman: Ducks have relationships.
Man: No, they don't.
Woman: They're like one of the only mammals that have relationships.
Man: No.
Woman: I mean, at least they are couples, like they pair up.
Man: Yeah, but that's like just for the day.
–Central Park Pond
Overheard by: Jalmasy