Archive for the ‘Birds’ Category

Ahem, It's “Chicken Lady

Girl #1: I hate people who keep talking because they love the sound of their own voice! Like, unless you're gonna tell me about shoving a chicken up your vagina, I don't wanna hear it!
Girl #2: That's the second time we've talked about chicken girl and I still don't know her name.

–Crown Heights

Overheard by: chris k.

Wednesday One-Liners Use the Litter Box

College dude in enthusiastic conversation: I would totally be a cat-sniffer.

–113th St & Broadway

Tall man in heavy German accent: What do you mean the cat can't take a poopy because it is too loud?

–2 Train

Overheard by: Anna

Flaky professional girl: I hate when people are like, "hey, look at that dead bird! Hey, look at that dead cat!" because god, I always look first!

–42nd & 6th

Overheard by: amalthya

Girl on cell: Now you need to marry him for the discounted cat food!

–10th st & 1st Ave

What Runs Through Parents' Minds When They Picture Their Kids in the Big Apple

Drunk hobo: You guys are attractive. You got the hair thing going on and you have the sideburns working for you. (flexes biceps)
Teenage boys: Ummm… Thanks.
Drunk hobo: Guys… listen. Guys… birds of a feather fly together. Birds of a feather fly together. You don't see seagulls flying with pigeons or pigeons flying with seagulls. Birds of a feather fly together! You guys have any money?
(they give him some change, he walks away)
Sketchy man overlooking
: Wow… that guy was crazy. Do you kids want some weed or some blow?


–Sitting Area, 48th & 8th

Overheard by: Brendan

Wednesdays Floss After Every One-Liner

Asian girl on cell: Yeah… or I could just knock her teeth out and sell them on eBay or something.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: Alyssa

Girl on cell: And out of nowhere dude a goddamn peacock feather hit me in the teeth!

–Starbucks, 8th & 39th

Old man: I can smell my own tooth decay!

–Times Square

Overheard by: One Liners Are The Best

Lady on cell: I don't know what to do. I'm like nervous… I know… I haven't bought toothpaste in years…

–Duane Reade

Guy on phone: The difference between you and me is you drink tea and eat tofu. I drink whiskey and make people eat their teeth.

–48th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Rebecca

Any Animal That Knows How to Use a Mud Mask Has to Have a Brain

NYU girl #1: I'm totally a vegetarian, and I thought Lucy was, until she told me that she had bacon the other day!
NYU girl #2: Oh my god! That's so terrible, that poor pig. Though I think it's okay to eat chicken. I don't really consider chicken an animal. They're too stupid to be an animal. But bacon, that's totally bitchy.

–NYU

Overheard by: Meatarian

Craptacular Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: My identity has totally shifted, and so have my bowel movements.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Mickey Smith

Girl to another: I took a shit in Starbucks… did you take a shit in Starbucks?

–Outside Starbucks

Woman to friend: There were no feces for (pause) two days.

–Canal and W Broadway

Overheard by: LizzieD

Girl in toilet stall, repeatedly: Someone pooped on the floor! This is so gross! Medieval freaks! And it's shaped like a dragon! Come here and look at it!

–New York Renaissance Fair

British woman to man she's walking with, as they look at a pigeon: Of course he doesn't have to sit down to poo, he's a bird!

–Washington Square South

Enraged crazy old lady feeding pigeons, to punk kid chasing pigeons: Eat the caca! Eat the caca!

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: ShaghouseGirls