Archive for the ‘Birthdays’ Category

I Mean, Who'd Want Tuesdays to Be Field Holler Night?

Girl #1: We had to go out and drink tonight, it's Lincoln's birthday! He did so much for us.
Girl #2: Without Lincoln being born we might never have freed the slaves, and if we never freed the slaves we wouldn't have hip-hop music…
Girl #1: And no hip-hop night at home on Tuesdays! We clearly had to go out. –9th & 27th

Little People–Big Wednesday One-Liners

Greasy guy on cell: Yeah, there was this whole big to-do. They had all these little midgets running around–it was a whole Willy Wonka thing going on. –42nd & Park Ave Overheard by: Aren't They Called Little People? Midget on mobile: Man, you don't know how tough it is, these little women are tough, they know what they want… Yeah, yeah… The are like tigers, they'll eat you up! –Grand Central Station Overheard by: JT Flyer guy: Comedy show, folks–we got midgets! –Herald Square Overheard by: BeccaGo Guy: High-five if you like midgets and drugs! –42nd & 7th Overheard by: Shannon Suit on cell: Yeah, yeah, we're gonna do it big for my birthday. No I'm thinking more like midget strippers…eh, I haven't decided what I want it to be. (pause) Oh yeah, sorry, not "it," "him" or "her." No, I think dwarfs have magical powers, that's the deal. Not racist, dwarfist maybe. –Chinatown Bus Overheard by: Evan Drunk guy with group of friends: I'm sorry I hit you, I thought I was Irish and you were four feet tall. –41st & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Glad I'm not short

Everybody Needs a Wednesday One-Liner for a Pillow

Little kid: We're going to the city to get mommy titties! –LIRR Train Punk chick: This thing needs bazooms. I'm a punker chick with itty bitties. –Midtown Office Girl to female friend: Hey, did you know today is the three-year anniversary of my boobs? –Union Square Crazy lady trying to exchange a shirt: I can't go to work with my tits hanging out! –Abercrombie & Fitch Overheard by: me neither. Chick on cell: In his defense, I forget about breasts, too. –Columbia University Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

There's Always Tension Between Tradition and Modernity

Queer: I hate that I missed your birthday.
Artsy girl: Brad, you were at my 21st birthday party. You gave me that paint-it-yourself Menorah.
Queer (laughing): Oh yeah… Did you ever paint it? Do you still have it?
Artsy girl: Actually, it broke. Lee gave me these thongs as a present, and they somehow got all tangled up and it fell…
Queer: Wait… Are you telling me my Menorah died by thong? –M Train Overheard by: Not such a bad way to go

Wednesday One-Liners Keep Them All in the Air

Kid: … And his balls were hanging out of his skirt! –Stuyvesant High School Drunk chick: Can I pleeease kick you in the balls? It’s my birthday! –Ave A Bimbette: So, balls are always — and, like, totally not in a sexual way — but balls are always hitting me in the face. –Line at Upright Citizens Brigade Street vendor to another: So, what if you were wearing shorts and you had one ball hangin’ out? –W 49th & Broadway Hot chick to another: So, I had him by the balls… –Washington Square Park Girl: No, no, don’t scratch your balls! [Screams.] –8 train Overheard by: Alex Actor: I look down and there’s this blue spot on my balls. It looked like I fucked a smurf. –Backstage, Strawberry One-Act Festival Overheard by: I hate it when that happens

She Was One of the People on the Laugh Track in Natural Born Killers

Hipster chick: Do you think New Yorkers are mean, or are we just so jaded we’re not fazed by anything?
Hipster dude: I think it’s a combination of both.
Hipster chick: Because, well, my friend just found out he has testicular cancer, and he’s getting one of his balls removed on his birthday. And I thought that was hilarious. You know what else? Maybe New Yorkers are also whores — I seriously considered sleeping with him just so I could say I was the last person to see his left ball.
Hipster dude: That’s a bit soulless. But it’s also a little funny.
Hipster chick: See, really, if you think about it in the right way, everything is funny.
Hobo: You’re just a mean whore. –Bedford & 6th St Overheard by: Overheard in New York is based on that very concept