Archive for the ‘Bitch-slap’ Category

She’s Working Her Way through My Address Book. Today She’s on the Ds.

Girl #1: Hey, how’re you doing?
Girl #2: Hey! Aren’t you–?
Girl #1 slaps girl #2, then runs away screaming: You’re a fucking bitch!
Girl #2 on cell: Hello, Alex*? This is Diane*. I haven’t seen you in, like, three years, so could you please explain to me why your ex-girlfriend, whom I’ve never met, just slapped me and called me a bitch? Call me back, thanks, bye. –Starbucks, 4th & University Overheard by: Chitin Headline by: David Terrenoire Runners-Up:
· “Girl, Interrupted” – Cooper Cheatham
· “I think it had to do with that one time my penis was in your vagina….” – ryan
· “Lucky to only get half the clap in return” – Brian A
· “Maybe Because You Still Have Me on Speed Dial After 3 years?” – Bobita
· “When Alibis Attack” – Barry Negrin
· “When you dump someone, you’re dumping everyone they’ve ever dumped.” – Ed Maudlin
· “You also might want to check on the pet rabbit” – will1966
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

If Only the Production Crew Of The Hills Could Do This

Hyper teenage blonde: Hey, know what I just realized?
20-something blonde sister: Okay, wait. In the interest of saving time, I'm gonna pull my hand back like so before you start talking. Now you can go ahead and say what you wanted to say, but just know that if it's something ignorant or retarded, I'm gonna slap you out of your shoes and right off the sidewalk, and then keep slapping you until we get home. Is whatever you want to say worth it?
(long pause)
Hyper teenage blonde: No? –Times Square Overheard by: Really want to know what she was gonna say

Wednesday One-Liners Are Rumored to Be Involved with Jennifer Aniston

Woman: I’m a real Star Trek fan. I particularly like this one guy, a Shakespearean actor — Patrick, uh, Patrick Swayze? –B train Loud guy on bike: Will gone up and left! Will Smith! Where’d you go, Will?! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Abram Suit on cell: I mean, it was maybe the only time I ever wanted to give Mark Wahlberg a blowjob. –Penn Station Overheard by: Rainey Blonde on cell, walking dog, and wearing faux fur sweater: Yeah, Animal Fair… Like Vanity Fair, but with animals… It’s coming out soon… It’s going to be intimate — Sharon Stone and Emelio Estevez are going to be there! –55th St & 9th Ave Overheard by: francesca Passerby: Martin Short? Is he still in that? –Across street from Martin Short&#58 Fame Becomes Me Overheard by: Jeff of [tos] Chick drops cocktail glass, breaking it. Queer: If you didn’t look like Winona Ryder, I’d smack you. –Ceilo nightclub

It's Wednesday One-Liners, Paleface!

Guy to friend: When Obama wins, I'm going to slap a white person. –Central Park Bench Overheard by: Lane Lady getting sprayed with perfume by her friend: Stop. Stop it! You gonna make me smell like white people. –East Drive, Prospect Park Overheard by: White smelly jogger Black gay man sans shirt, upon seeing group of white girls wandering: Oh my god, white girls! Oh, I didn't mean it like that. –Christopher St Gentleman walking past Miss Mamie's Spoonbread Too restaurant: Man, black people eating tofu, white people eating spoonbread… –W 110th & Columbus Gingy, referring to ebony colored condoms: This way, when I fuck a white boy he'll still be black! –E Broadway 99 Cent Store Black lady in african garb: Too many white flower! Need more black power! (the only white girl around looks up confusedly, now black lady screams in her face) White flower! –125th & Adam Clayton Powell Overheard by: Ruby

I’m Thankful for My Family

Little boy: Twain!
Mom: Yeah, yeah, train, Darniel, train. Nobody cares! –Prospect Heights Overheard by: Michael Barthel Mother: Did you do these questions or was this the part you copied from the board in class?…What the fuck was that? Speak in actual words!
Little boy: This part was from the board and this part I did.
Mother: Don’t fucking lie to me. I’m gonna bust you in the mouth. Why didn’t you do your homework?…Did you look at yourself before we left the house? You look like fucking shit!
Little boy: I’m sorry.
Mother: Sorry looking. –F train Man on cell: You stupid little bitch!…That’s right I want a better report card next year. –West 4th Street & 6th Avenue Overheard by: Scott Hoffman Teen girl: I’m not allowed to go home this weekend ’cause my father’s having one of his girlfriends over. He told me, “you’re gonna have to sleep somewhere else, because, uh, you know…” –A train Little girl: Mommy, what’re we getting?
Mommy: Pshh, I don’t know. You better figure out quick, you’re the one’s gotta eat. –Fine Fair, Avenue C Overheard by: Catechist Boy: Did you get my Christmas list?
Dad: I don’t need your Christmas list.
Boy: I want a PSP. A portable Playstation.
Dad: I’m not gettin’ you video games.
Boy: Then I just want money.
Dad: You want my money, I want you to get good grades. Neither of us get what we want, do we? –6 train Overheard by: Chris Mohney

Where Is She Working???

Hoochie: I’ve been working for her for seven years. And I’ve been wanting to smack her up for seven years. And tonight, she gave me the opportunity.
Cashier: What if she called the police?
Hoochie: She couldn’t call no cops. It was self-defense. She’d go to jail. –Bodega, Bensonhurst

Chinese Fighting Shoe

Girl: What happened?
Guy: Man, that girl brushed up on me, so I turned around, and the bitch said, “Don’t fucking look at me!” and she slapped me!
Girl: Really?!
Guy: And then my girl just starting beating on her!
Girlfriend: Haha yeah! Did you see all that blood?
Guy: Girl must have been coked out for it to come spilling out like that.
Girl: It was crazy! We didn’t know what was going on!
Girlfriend: Its like that time at the club when I took off my shoe! –Kellogg Diner, Brooklyn

And It Was Only on the Face

Girl #1: To tell the truth, I don't know why everyone's sad he's gone… He sounded like a horrible person. He wasn't exactly a faithful guy, from what I've heard.
Girl #2: Well, no, he only cheated on her once.
Girl #1: Once is one time too many! And he seems like the type to beat her, too.
Girl #2: No. Well, wait… He did… But it was only once.
Girl #2: Oh, okay! Only once… –Starbucks Overheard by: Itwasonlyonce