Archive for the ‘Bitch-slap’ Category

Wednesday Drunk-Liners

Tipsy, barefoot woman, lifting skirt in broad daylight: Gotta air out my coochie! –W 88th St Belligerent drunk woman: I've never even heard of these fucking stops! (later) Scarsdale! I don't even know how to spell "Scarsdale"! Other than…Scarsdale. (later) What the fuck is Hartsdale? Slap me across the face with a big dick! –Metro-North Train Drunk girl to friends sitting on a couch left on the sidewalk: Don't sit on that couch, it's probably covered in bodily urine! –East Village Overheard by: Herr Professor Doktor Drunk wife to drunk husband during poker game: Don't you dare tell me about things that I don't understand! –Poker Game, Astoria Overheard by: NYCWATERBABY Drunk girl: Bedford Avenue does not know how to find the clit! –L Train

Wednesday One-Liners Love the Rear Naked Choke

Girl to another: And she went to get into her car. I was like "you'd better get out of here or I'm gonna fuck you up." And she was all slamming the door and stopping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got into her car and left. –NY Central Library Overheard by: amused Woman on cell: Hi, Annie! How are you? (pause) I'm going to get my ass kicked by a very big black man. –Park Slope Suit on cell: If you don't stop hanging up on me, I will kick you in the throat. –Times Square Guy on cell, very loudly: Yeah, but, so nobody knows about it except me and the other guys in the fight club. –21st St & Broadway Overheard by: Alex 20-something girl: And then she chloroformed me. (pause) I said that too loud. –Penn Station Overheard by: Russ

Wednesdsay Caniners

Middle-aged suit to another: You definitely don't want to be on the streets with three miniature Dachshunds on the loose. –46th & 3rd Ave Overheard by: alexander Guy at dinner with friends: No, slapping her ass isn't perverted, it's just inappropriate. Perverted would be jerking off onto my dog's face or some shit. –23rd & 10th Overheard by: Matt White gay man to another: Every time I see a dog chained to a parking meter and the owner is like in the store, it makes me want to call the NAACP. –M7 Bus Overheard by: HarlemAllDay Ghetto woman on cell: A Maltese dog. A Maltese! (pause) One of them little dogs that don't never grow. –27th St & Broadway Overheard by: Katherine Flamboyant gay man to couple pushing bulldog in stroller: Oh my god! Your dog ate your baby! –Chelsea Overheard by: Sarah

Frases De Miercoles

Young guy on cell: You're lucky I'm Colombian. If I was Ecuadorian, I'd be slapping you! –Jackson Heights Overheard by: Jobee Angry man walking alone, to himself: I could have married a Dominican, but no, I decided not to! –Mercer & Broome Teen girl to friend: Your new Mexican is super creepy. –On Line for the Colbert Report, Hell's Kitchen Guy on cell: No, no, man, she's Puerto Rican. I'm just sayin' she's Dominican 'cause it sounds hotter. –105 St & Lexington Thug holding box of maxi pads: Yo, that motherfucker is like the gay Mexican Marlon Brando. Classic… –CVS Overheard by: Karen

Now I Wanna Pimp Slap You.

Girl #1: Oh my god! What happened to your face?!
Girl #2, with black eye: I got pimp-slapped.
Girl #1: What does that mean?
Girl #2: You know, like when a ho gets out of line, her pimp backhands her. You know, like “bitch, where's my money?!” (pauses) Smack!
Girl #1: What? You were slapped by a pimp?
Girl #2, annoyed: No! Ugghh, Derek* hit me!
Girl #1: I don't get it, I thought he was a lawyer.
Girl #2: You are such a fucking idiot… You're buying me lunch. –Chelsea

Wednesday One-Linering Miss Daisy

Elderly lady to coughing woman sitting across the room: Do you have something in your throat? Cuz I could slap it out for you. –Doctor's Waiting Room Old lady to pharmacy tech: Yeah, I always have an ice cream cone when I see the truck. It's such a nice treat. (pauses) Plus, you never know–this could be my last one. –Jackson Heights Overheard by: Queens Newsbunny Very old frail-looking woman leaving crowded train: Goddamned people and their fucking backpacks! –6 Train Old man on cell: Hello? (pause) I'm at the crack shack. (pause) Well, you look like a raccoon. (pause) This is the first I've been outside all year! –Madison Square Park Old Jewish woman, in Russian: My grandchildren are total fucks. –Coney Island

Wednesday First-Trimester Liners

Mom to friend, as baby makes screeching sounds and bounces around in stroller: I swear I didn't do drugs while I was pregnant with her. But I did have quite a few raspberry martinis before I knew I was knocked up. –Belmont Park Race Track 20-something woman on phone: I need to slap that bitch. I don't care she pregnant, her face ain't pregnant. –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: Mike Ghetto baby momma: And it was like I was giving birth on the toilet! –Belmont Ave & 188th St Overheard by: Toomuchinformation Doctor to patient: You're not pregnant, you just have gas. –W 204th St Overheard by: JMS Little girl on cell: Oh my god, I know! And I'm, like, "that's why you're fucking pregnant"! –Central Park