Archive for the ‘BJs’ Category

More Like Extra–Whipped–Cream

Woman: We’ll have the perfectly peanut butter sundae.
Store girl: Okay, sure.
Man: Come on, you know I fucking hate the taste of peanut butter!
Woman: Are you kidding me? I ate your jizz just a couple of hours ago, I think you eating the ice cream I want would be a decent fucking compromise!
Store girl: …Um…Yeah, so…I’m taking that as extra peanut butter. –Dylan’s Candy Bar, 3rd Avenue

You Can’t Spell Wednesday One-liners Without TMI

Suit on cell: And your penis is bigger now? –68th & Lexington Guy: I’m being totally honest, you guys…I pulled my groin playing ping pong. –51st & Lexington Overheard by: Mike Barish Lady: Well, I don’t think he realized I was a hooker! –73rd & Broadway Overheard by: Sandro Olivieri Girl on cell: So he was a big guy, and he was pretty big, but not that big, but I’m, like, tiny, so we tried, but it wouldn’t go in. Are you listening to me? No, it wouldn’t fit…what could I do? I dropped to my knees and did what I could, but we just won’t work. –West Broadway & Houston Overheard by: Darby O’Gill Mustache: I walked in and it was clearly a gang bang gone awry. –Dive bar, 96th Street

Thank You Very Much, I’ll Be Here until Thursday

Angry rider after missing a stop: Why can’t you just pull over? You was only like this far away?
Bus driver: I can only stop at designated stops, I’m sorry.
Angry rider: You could have stopped, you just wanted to be a dick.
Bus driver: Yeah, you would know — you suck enough of it.

–BX9 bus

Overheard by: Don’t know much about it

Wednesday One-Liners, Damn Lies, and Statistics

Drunk British chick: She clucked and mooed, so I said twelve.

–Red Hook, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Sam Jerman

Guy on cell: Did you know that one out of six people with scoliosis die every day? Yeah, I know… Ha! No, I’m just kidding. I made that up.

–Astor & Lafayette

Overheard by: Jay

Dude to chick: On a scale from one to cookie… you’re a seven.

–Central Park

Loud lady: I mean, how many times did I have my head between Greg’s legs? Only 12 or 13 times! Not that many times.

–Eugene O’Neill Theatre

Overheard by: tmoney

Black teen to his friends: Yo, I read the Bible nine times, and that shit contradicted itself like a motherfucker!

–Broadway & Steinway, Astoria