Archive for the ‘BJs’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Clean Everything Up Before Their Parents Get Back

Black woman in trashy outfit: And he said "But the party just started, bitch, I'll take you in a few hours!" and I was like, "Nigga please! My water just broke!"

–Lower East Side

Asian bimbo on cell: I just spoke to Percy and allegedly they threw a party after we were fired, to celebrate us getting fired…but we're people too.

–181 & St Nicholas

Overheard by: must not have liked you

Hipster girl: My all-time dream is to be shot by the cobra snake at a party, with a cig in my hand and Paul* between my thighs.

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Dayn

Tattooed guy on iPhone: Yeah, I'm bringing a 250-foot Slip 'N Slide!

–7th & 13th St

Overheard by: can I come to that party?

Loud man on cell: Yo, son! Why didn't you invite to your party? Damn…c'mon! Remember that time the chick in a wheelchair was working us in the cab? Yeah, she was in a wheelchair! Remember we got a cab for her and put her in the cab? That's right–that was me! She was giving us both head.

–BBQ Restroom, 8th Ave, Chelsea

20-something woman: Wait…when is it a rule to give the host a handjob?

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Jazz

Nor Will It Be On An Exclamation Point

Teen guy: Come on baby, no one’s home yet.
Teen girl: No, I can’t.
Teen guy: You love me right?
Teen girl: Sure!
Teen guy: So what’s the problem?
Teen girl: You know.
Teen guy: What?
Teen girl: I got my period.
Teen guy: No shit, again?
Teen girl: Be happy about that.
Teen guy: …your mouth isn’t on any period, is it? –B train Overheard by: Michael Fitzgerald

A Silken Swirl of Wednesday One-Liners

Yelling guy: Why did you swallow?! Laura, why did you swallow?! Why did you swallow?! Laura, why did you swallow?!

–12th & Ave A

Overheard by: Johnny Twisto

Guy on cell: Are you going to give me some fellatio? Chicka-chicka-bow-bow. Some felaysh, hm?

–66th & 1st

Overheard by: misplacedpom

Woman on cell: She can’t suck dick to save her life!

–51st & 5th

High maintenance lady to male friend: So he said to me, ‘Let me get a blow job,’ and so I said to him, ‘Not until I get a boob job!’

–39th & 6th

Chick: So, he comes back to my place and I gave him a blow job. Then in the morning he was gone, but he left $22.50 on the table. Is that weird?

–Brooklyn

So Many Possible “Jam” and “Spread” Jokes–The Mind Reels

JAP #1: I hate boys who won’t kiss you after you go down on them.
JAP #2: Yeah, I know. But I don’t kiss boys after they go down on me.
JAP #1: That’s awful! If he can handle it, you should too.
JAP #2: But it’s so bitter! I’m just saying: if they sold a jam the flavor of my vagina, I would not buy it.

–27th & 5th