Archive for the ‘BJs’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Call Themselves “Publicists”

Announcer dude: People, get the Audio Guide! If you don’t you’ll end up up there thinking, ‘I should have listened to that handsome, well-spoken man downstairs.’ You’ll be beating yourself for not buying the Audio Guide. And I don’t need that on my conscience. –Empire State Building Overheard by: George Carstocea Daily News hawker: Sign up here for your free subscription to the Daily News! [Muttering] We’ll screw you later. –Outside Shea Stadium Overheard by: Mrs. Met Guy selling comedy show tickets: Come on, have a ticket. If you don’t I’ll stalk you on your MySpace page! –Times Square Overheard by: Punkgrrl Top of the Rock promoter guy: Yeah, it’s supposed to be, like, the best view or whatever of, uh, I don’t know… [Calls to fellow promoter] Yo, man, you ever been up there? –Rockefeller Center Flyer dude: See the naked cowboy on stage! Sucking cock! –46th & Broadway Overheard by: Ashley Guy selling newspapers: New York Post here! Daily News here! [He’s ignored.] New York Post here! Daily News! [Still ignored.] George Bush wins the lottery! [Still ignored.] –33rd & 7th Comedy club promoter: People, you gotta come tonight, because if you don’t my boss is gonna kill me! I work for the mafia! –Times Square

Anyone Else Wish He'd Just Smoke the Crack Already?

Baseball fan #1: Oh, I'm going to get laid tonight.
Baseball fan #2: Are you going to call Alice?
Baseball fan #1: Oh no, you don't understand my life, man! I've got this girl who just sits on a milk crate and sucks my cock!
Baseball fan #2: Dude!
Baseball fan #2: Where does she do this? On a crate? What?
Baseball fan #1: You don't understand my life, man! She just does it wherever! I'm literally ready to smoke crack at any minute!
Baseball fan #2: Man, we don't want to know.
Baseball fan #1: I'm ready to smoke crack at any minute! You just can't control these things. –Yankee Stadium Overheard by: simon

Well Met on Opening Day

Guy on cell: Hey, what’s up?…I’m at the Met game…The Mets are up 2 to 1, but Washington has 2 men on and nobody out…Two-one. No outs.
Guy #2: There’s one out.
Guy on cell: Oh, sorry. One out. We’ve been here since 8 and I’ve been drinking since 8:30. I’m wasted…Listen, Ma, I gotta go, I’m missing the game. He hangs up. Guy #1: My mother calls to get the score. Turn on the radio! –Shea Stadium Dude: Hey, Carlos! Steal second, I won’t tell anybody! –Shea Stadium Dude: Get off your knees; you’re blowing the game! –Shea Stadium

For Interns, Diplomatic Immunity Will Only Clear You for Hand Jobs

Hipster #1: So, she comes back to the dorm alone and crying, and we’re like ‘What happened? Where did that guy go?’ And she tells us that he got a ticket from a cop, for getting a blowjob in front of the UN!
Hipster #2: Is that, like, a different thing than getting a blowjob somewhere else?
Hipster #1: Well, he had an internship there or something. Maybe he got a discount! –Washington Square Park