Archive for the ‘BJs’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are “Technical Virgins”

Slutty gay kid: My ass is not a storage shed for your dick.

–6th Ave & W 11th St

Overheard by: Matthew

Man on cell on bench at midnight: It's like this: you either take it in the ass or suck dick.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: DAISYMAE

Guy holding KY lube containers to passer-by: Hey, you want some for your girlfriend? You can put it on her asshole.

–St. Mark's

Overheard by: Kon

Girl on cell: Maybe if you change your relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship", I'll let you have buttsex with me.

–SoHo

Overheard by: seal

Blond suit screaming into BlackBerry: I said I don't want buttsex for Valentine's Day!

–38th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Kat

A Few Sucky Wednesday One-Liners

Brunette woman yelling on cell: Look, I'm 24 fucking years old. If I want to suck dick all day, that's my business!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Blank Slater

Girl on cell: First you go, "accckkk… accckkkk" (makes choking sounds) Then you have a mouth fulla cum!

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: I.R.

50-something woman, screaming into cell: Listen, asshole, I'm not some cheap slut you can call whenever you need someone to suck you off, I have a job!

–Penn Station Taxi Line

Black man in phone booth: You better suck that juicy white cock, and get me that perfume, bitch!

–7th Ave & 35th St

…to Relax Our Throats.

Girl #1: Oh my god, I would never buy a foot-long hot dog. I mean, really. Who would buy one?
Girl #2: (silence)
Girl #1: No girl should eat one, and no guys will, either. You know what I mean?
Girl #2: I guess. They're higher in calories, but whatever. Eat less later.
Girl #1: No. I mean, a girl can't be seen eating a foot long hot dog. Neither can a guy. I mean, think about… blowjobs!
Girl #2: Oh! Well, so what? If I'm hungry and it tastes good, who cares? I don't care if you're thinking I'm chomping down on a foot-long cock. And, what, you haven't sucked a 12-incher before?
Girl #1: No… Do you want Bud or Bud Light?

–Concession Stand, CitiField

A Little Wednesday One-Liner in a Big Pond

Drunk girl: I just love a cock in my mouth! It is a fact of my life, like Blair and Tootie. I want to be carnivorous. I will eat fish if it's the only thing on the menu, but I really just want some meat! I'm not fishiverous!

–Party, Ditmars Boulevard, Astoria

Overheard by: likes steak AND seafood

Girl to friend: Surely if she was ever in possession of a penis, then on merit she would inherit the family lobster farm?

–28th & 7th

Ginger: Garibaldi… That is so weird. That is the name of the California state fish. I wonder if the statue is named after the fish.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: camillo cavour

Man to wife: That's too much calamari, even for a homeless guy.

–East Village

We'd Like to Thank Wednesday One-Liner for This Emmy

Chick to friend: I've been really committed to learning about Jesus lately. Can you believe how crazy it is that Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights? I mean, like, no food or water for that long? Crazy! I mean, I never even realized how crazy it was until I saw David Blaine do it.

–R Train

Dreaded hobo, evangelizing: You gotta be able to suck dick to accept the love of Jesus Christ!

–40th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: melissa

Dude: It's not gay if it's Jesus!

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ladle

Fat Christian evangelist to another: Jesus had the computer technology to manipulate the atoms of water. That's why he could walk over the waves. That's how we convince the atheists.

–Union Square

Overheard by: smoking on the stoop

Hipster on cell: My aunt got a promotion at work. She's a big deal. If this were the bible, she would be Jesus' nephew.

–17th St & Broadway