Ghetto black woman to four-year-old son: The ice ain't gonna respect you, you gotta respect the ice, nigga. –Grand Central Overheard by: Steven Obnoxiously loud drunk guy: I need a girl who will respect my receding hairline! –Virgil's, W 44th St Overheard by: Check, please! Thugette: I'm just going to say, "Look, I mean no disrespect, but go fuck yourself. I mean no disrespect, but just go fuck yourself." –6 Train Overheard by: i mean disrespect 20-something guy to friend: Man, you don't understand. I really respect this broad… –35th St & Lexington
Blonde girl: I can't believe he pulled his dick out. Except not really. Except kind of. Except I kind of had to put it back in. –W 34th & 8th Ave Overheard by: innocent bystander Crazy hobo, to himself: Geritol. Yup, that's what she needs. That woman just likes some dick. And there ain't nothin wrong with that. Nothin wrong with a woman likin a long hard dick. Women like dick. Ain't nothing wrong with that. She's gonna get some Geritol all right. Cause see, you got to get it up in the crevices. Work it in with a little Bengay. –Men's Bathroom, Penn Station Overheard by: Phil Salvadoran guy, discussing use of the word "faggot": They can take a dick up their ass, they can take a fucking joke. –Lawton St, Brooklyn Overheard by: Eric Frazier Black guy: Man, I can't wear tight pants because I have a big dick! My dick needs to breathe! (holds himself) –Penn Station Female Central Park crossing guard: Das cuz da dick was great! –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Robert H
Pompous, insane English professor: Right now I am being plagued by a contagion, but I will return your reports anon. –Barnard College Student, to friend who just bashed the side of his head: What the hell? You're hurting my ganglia! –Columbia University Overheard by: John David Black mom to teen daughter walking away from her: No, you get back here and listen to what I'm sayin! You gotta pay attention–niggas be instigatin! –Nassau & Fulton Overheard by: Tigertail First year legal scholar: I feel like our relationship is terminated for perpetuity. –Grand Central Overheard by: bunbury Yuppie on phone: Wait. (pause) Bruhaha, right? –70th & Broadway
Black guy: So was he fun last night?
White girl: He came so much that it made me nervous.
Black guy: No more freshman for you! –Outside Parsons The New School for Design
Homeless panhandler: Good afternoon, I’m homeless and I want at least one Asian to give me some change.
Black woman giving slight sigh of relief: Well that doesn’t include me! He don’t want my change then! –F Train Overheard by: WBR
Lady suit: Do you think anyone would notice if I just popped a squat and urinated everywhere? –Port Authority 12-year-old girl: And then… He, like… peed in my mouth. It was kinda gross. –Eddie’s Sweet Shop Overheard by: Yorick Man peeing on the street: Watch the stream, watch the stream! –W 4th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Maya G. Black guy to coworker: What about that golden shower I had the other night? –NYU Weinstein Dining Hall Middle-aged convention female attendee: I didn’t know that urinals flushed. Did you know urinals flushed? Who would have thought? –Javits Convention Center Overheard by: Hector Drunk man to embarrassed friend: Did I tell you about the time I peed on a bum? For real, I did! I was just taking a leak and looked down like: "Oh shit, is that a person?" He looked up on me and said: "Hey, you just peed on me!" And I did! I peed on him! Then I put myself in his shoes like: "What if someone peed on me?" I’d be pissed! That’s some fucked up shit, man. So I gave him ten bucks. –A Train
White mom: Does this train stop at Canal Street?
Black guy: Yeah, it goes there, it goes there. It’s not going there anytime soon. ‘Cause you know what the MTA stands for? Might Take Awhile. –E train
Saleswoman to customer on busy day: Some days you really should just stay at home. You’re cranky. –Macy’s, Herald Square Loud black lady on cell: Mothafuckah, I ain’t no one-night stand. If you think you can fuckin’ call me at 10:30 to 11:00 at night and fuckin’ pull me out of my home with my kids, then you must think I’m some other… [whispers] bitch. –Mail room, Financial District Woman on cell: Good, that way she won’t be able to beat on anyone else’s house guests! Let her sit at home and beat on her own house guests! –M14 bus Overheard by: Eyeteeth Conductor: Jessica! Jessica! Girl, you on this train. Jessica Elizabeth! I’m taking you home, girl. –6 train Overheard by: fridaholic
Spunky but pretty black girl: Jesus, I told you. I am married to Jesus.
Crazy Asian man, suddenly noticing a pretty white girl: What about her?
Spunky but pretty black girl: You leave her alone. She's married too. –4 Train
Black girl on stoop #1: What is the difference between us and white girls?
Black girl on stoop #2: They roll joints? –16th St & Irving Overheard by: Kristin