Archive for the ‘Black People’ Category

We Probably Shouldn’t Depend on White Superheroes

Black guy: Yeah, Superman — he hangs out around 42nd Street. He might go uptown every once in a while, but you never see his ass in Brooklyn. That’s ridiculous — Superman can not be killed by bullets, and he still won’t come to Brooklyn.
Black lady: You’re right. What about Batman?
Black guy: Oh, he probably has to come through Brooklyn — you know, that brother lives out on Long Island.
Black lady: He probably comes through Brooklyn, but you know he’s not getting out of that Batmobile.
Black guy: I’m sure he’s damn careful when he stops, too. Those are some ballin’ rims he’s got on that whip. If he ever parked, them shits would definitely get stolen! –3 train Overheard by: Chris

Wednesdays Don’t Kill People; One-Liners Kill People

Large black man on cell phone: They did the deal with the diamonds, then the other guy got greedy and shot up the place. –Union Ave Overheard by: Seth Callaway Teen, looking around: Where are we? Are we purchasing illegal arms? –Turkish Restaurant, Montague St. Overheard by: Mike N Blonde chick in pink coat, perkily: … There was no exit wound, and no bullet. –L train Overheard by: Ladle Girl talking to co-worker: I live near Wall Street and there are like army men down there with machine guns and it’s scary! How do I know they don’t have Tourette’s and won’t just start shooting their guns all over the place?! –41st & 3rd Older suit, calmly, to his two female coworkers: I’d like to put a gun to his head and say "Nickie do the right thing or I will blow your fucking head off."
[His companions nod in understanding.] –Starbucks Calm Jewish fraternity guy on cell: So, I’m being deported and drafted into the Israeli army… It’s okay, I’ll name my gun after you! –NYU Waverly Building

You’d Think the Distribution System Would Be Better

Homie #1: Drugs is huge, man, huge! If there wasn’t no drugs, there’d be no police! No drugs, no lawyers! No drugs, no judges! Nobody would be in prison! All those guards, no jobs! The whole prison system would collapse! No drugs, nobody in the hospitals! Doctors out of work… Drugs is too big! We’re a big part of the economy! Nobody is gonna touch drugs, man, so chill. We need drugs!
Homie #2: True dat. –125th & Lenox

Wednesday Will Go Nazarene on Your One-Liners

Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass. –Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Emily B. 40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there? –Starbucks Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior. –Queens College Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along. –22nd St & Park Ave Overheard by: Rachel Peters Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow! –B44 Bus Overheard by: Micah Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular! –Union Square Overheard by: Smudge

Nobody Knows the Trouble Wednesday One-Liners Seen

Hobo to white guy walking with three black friends: What's up, slave owner? –The Village Girl on phone: We should practice selling ourselves to each other. –Subway Sandwiches, 38th & 7th Crazy man on train: America! America! Anybody wanna buy some white people? –A Train Ditzy girl to friend: So I had this black boyfriend one time, and we had to break up because he kept talking about slavery. I was all, hello, I'm Czech, my people were slaves too. –Columbia University School of Social Work Overheard by: Eric Black toddler to mortified white nanny: Wanna play slave? –Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Deleted Scene from Mission: Impossible III

Hot Asian chick: Yeah, so I kept asking my boyfriend about how he had his ex finger his ass, and he got so pissy at me.
Gay black dude: Hmmph. He probably doesn’t want to admit he wants it up the booty all the time.
Hot Asian chick: He said he pretended that he liked it when she she’d butt play him. I don’t buy that shit.
Gay black dude: Honey, real men don’t pretend. Run! –Houston & Broadway Overheard by: henry