Archive for the ‘Black People’ Category

Your Unfounded Allegations Redound to My Detriment

Black guy #1: Lady, don’t sit next to that man, he’s got aids, motherfucker.
Black guy #2: Who you talkin’ bout aids? I went to prison for ten years and I don’t have no aids. Peace, brother.
Black guy #1: I tell you he got aids, motherfucker!
Black guy #2: Peace, brother, peace.
Black guy #1: Aids, motherfucker!

–PATH Train

Wednesday One-Linezillas

Teenage bride-to-be on cell: …yeah. But, no, I’m totally ready to walk across the aisle. –Target, South Bronx Overheard by: so this is the bronx Suit: You expect me to spend the rest of my life with only one woman? One woman? One godforsaken woman?

–42nd St & Madison Hula hoop guy to tourist couple: Sir! I’ll show you! You don’t have to do it, but hula hoops have saved a lot of marriages! –Washington Square Park Old woman to imaginary friend: I’d make a great wife, mothafucka! –F train Overheard by: Trying Not to Laugh Girl: Can I do your brother at one of your weddings? –Monitor St, Brooklyn Young woman on cell: Well yeah, but he didn’t sleep with your bridesmaids. –82nd & Lex Man on cell: Ok, fine! You want to get married? –Upper West Side

Wednesday One-Liners Have More Stomachs Than a Cow

Teen boy: I like touching fat people.

–69th St & 5th Ave, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Guy to friends: So I was on the subway the other day and I was counting some guys’ chins and I realized, I’m just not a nice person.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: CUMT

Large black woman on cell: Of course I’m loud, I’m fat!

–25th & 8th

Overheard by: Beckerman

Chick to guy: I’m thinking of keeping it, as an excuse to get fat.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ladle

30-something with heavy NYC accent: Ya know, if I had to do high school all over again, I woulda fucked a fat chick. I wouldna cared so much.

–34th & 5th

Man yelling on cell: I would be so much better at Jeopardy then her! Her fat Indian hands can’t hit the button as fast as I can!

–35rd St & 5th Ave

Female house manager: He comes over and he’s like: "What are you doing?" and I said: "My job." and he goes: "You’re fat."

–Theater, St Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Mariah

Either That or a Nazi Jew

14-year-old black boy: Can we get off this block? I hate this block! I hate cops!
11-year-old black boy: Why?
14-year-old black boy: Because it’s in black people’s nature to hate cops.
11-year-old black boy, after long pause: So, you want to be a cop?

–123rd & 8th

Overheard by: Tanya

Headline by: kai

Runners-Up:
· “And Before the Session’s Over Let’s Talk About How You Hate Yo Momma ’cause She So Fat.” – JohnnyB

· “Fuck It. You Wanna Play Robbers and Robbers?” – La Libertad
· “If They Can Beat You, Join ‘em” – Sim Etrias
· “Look What It Did for Ice T” – Otter


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

The Island of Dr. Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep.

–Elevator, 56th & 8th

Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama!

–Terminal 5

Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses?

–Cafe Esperanto

Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator!

–TriBeCa

Overheard by: lalala

Swanky pin-stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.

–51st & 3rd

Overheard by: IG

Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.

–4 Train

Overheard by: BQM lady

Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats!

–Astor Place