MTA guy: So, I was like just hoppin’ outta the shower feeling all Irish Spring fresh and shit and I come into the living room and Shawny is sitting on the fucking couch. I was like, “Yo, Shawny…get off the couch!” He looked at me and growled and I was like, “So that‘s how it is?” I went and got a pair of gloves and a wiffle ball bat, came back in and was like, whack, and the little bitch totally chomped onto my leg and shit. I dragged him like that into the kitchen and sprayed into his mouth with Lysol and he hid under the kitchen table. Somebody gotta be the master in the house, yo. –N train
Counter lady: ‘Cause they look and talk like a woman, sometimes more than a woman! They be taking pills, shots…gives ’em a voice like a woman. I don’t want you getting in something. You might kill somebody finding out it’s not a woman.
Floor guy: Yeah, right.
Counter lady: Don’t be saying that can’t happen. It happened to a friend of my girlfriend’s boyfriend. –Duane Reade, 57th & 6th
Pipelayer #1: I need four more inches.
Pipelayer #2: If I had four more inches, I’d be makin’ movies. –Bergen Street station
Woman: Ooh, where are you taking them?
Dogwalking guy: To pee on your leg. –21st between 2nd & 3rd
Construction worker #1: Yeah, brotha. That’s what I’m talkin’ about. That’s what you call a “White nigga”.
Construction worker #2: You said it. Colin Powell ain’t nothin’ but George Bush’s bitch. –Hudson & Canal Overheard by: Auhsoj Semaj
Pastry Shop Worker: Is anyone willing to give up their seat for a girl that has to stand on her feet all day?
Train Riders: [SILENCE]
Pastry Shop Worker: Come on, all you guys just go sit in front of your computers every day, how damn hard is that? I have to make shit for people and stand on my feet all day. You people are so selfish! –6 Train
Super: Toilet’s fixed. Sorry I was so gruff before, but my hands were full of shit. –Ave A
Train Staffer #1: Did you do that terrorism training yet?
Train Staffer #2: No. I’m trying to avoid it.
Train Staffer #1: Yeah. I already missed the first one. –PATH Train
Janitor, looking at bathroom floor: Oh, I don't need this! Look at this water all over the floor! All over the place! Why don't you clean your pussy at home? Pour Evian all over the floor so you can clean your pussy–clean your dirty pussy at home! I don't need this! Water all over the floor! –Bathroom, Port Authority Bus Terminal
Blue-collar guy, singing: I want to wake up in the city… (crosses street)
Nerdy guy, also singing: …that never sleeps! –W 39th b/w 7th & 8th Overheard by: Life's a Musical!