Archive for the ‘Blue-collar workers’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners for Joe the Plumber

Glum construction worker, singing slowly: We will…we will…not get paid.

–Caton Place

Overheard by: Cottonfluff

Hardhat to another: You got a rash on yo ass, know what I'm sayin?

–12th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: j

Construction worker to friends, watching girl in a bubble dress walk down the street: Damn, yo, I hate those skirts, yo. That's the stupidest shit I ever seen.

–13th St & 5th Ave

Construction worker to group of girls walking past, carrying food bags: Want to grab lunch?
(girls ignore him) Dinner? Breakfast? (girls continue to ignore him, so he yells at them) Just a snack, then?

–Prince Street

Overheard by: Courtney Messer

Eastern European construction worker to pigeon: You! Yes, hey you! Eat this! Is good for you! Will put hair on your balls! Yes, eat, eat!

–23rd & 1st

Overheard by: Becka Dash

From the Bob the Builder Blooper Reel

(construction man #1 is peeing at the urinal. Construction man #2 is inside a stall)
Construction man #2
: This is the place where all the dicks hang out, eh? Haha.

Construction man #1: Do these things flush by themselves, then?
Construction man #2: Yeah, man, you're taking a shit and you don't even get to see the turd sitting there.
Construction man #1: Whoosh!
Construction man #2: It just gets sucked away. You don't get to see the tapeworms, or whatever freaky crap is in there this time.

–Basement, NYU Tisch Film School

Overheard by: Knoll

Not “I'll Fuck You” Good, But Good Nonetheless

Construction worker #1 to hot girl: Damn baby, did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven?
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes)
Construction worker #2: Your name must be Candy 'cause you look so sweet!
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes again, laughing a little)
Construction worker #3: Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
Hot girl (laughs hysterically): That's gotta be the best I've ever heard!

–65th & Broadway

Overheard by: Right to the point. Nice.

He Settled Out of Court for Attorney Fees and an Undisclosed Number of McGriddles

Employee: The manager made us open the doors, but we don’t have shit. Nothing is ready. [A bunch of employees are frantically putting buns on trays and trays into machines.]
Drunk guy, leaning on counter: I want some McGriddles! [Slips and falls.]
Employee: Look at you — you can’t even keep your shit from falling over! … If you sue us, I’m going to say you was drunk.
Drunk guy, thoughtfully: You’re right… I’m going to sue you for eight McGriddles!

–McDonald’s, Fulton & Cliff St

He Prefers You Barefoot and Pregnant

Hardhat #1: God don’t care if you wearin’ a choir robe.
Hardhat #2: Tha’s right.
Hardhat #1: God don’t care if you dressed like a priest.
Hardhat #2: Tha’s right.
Hardhat #1: Because God don’t care how you dressed.

–97th & Riverside Dr

Headline by: 6th Floor Blogger

Runners-Up:
· “God Would Prefer That You Remove the Ball-Gag During Communion” – dan
· “That’s Right. But Could You Please Put on Some Pants?” – Babakganoosh
· “The Undiscovered 11th Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Wear Crocs” – Meg
· “To Sum Up: God Loves Strippers.” – RaindanceRichard


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