Drunk: You are here all the time! How are you here all the time? I come in at 2PM, you’re here. I come in at 5PM, you’re here. You are always here! When do you sleep?
Cashier: I am a twin.
–Park Slope bodega, 5AM
Archive for the ‘Bodegas’ Category
Where Is She Working???
Hoochie: I’ve been working for her for seven years. And I’ve been wanting to smack her up for seven years. And tonight, she gave me the opportunity.
Cashier: What if she called the police?
Hoochie: She couldn’t call no cops. It was self-defense. She’d go to jail.
–Bodega, Bensonhurst
Isn't That Amy Bishop?
Asian girlfriend, yelling: Get out of my store! You always make customers angry!
Asian boyfriend, yelling back: You are the professor of psycho!
–Bodega, Upper West Side
Why Jackie Pushed Jill Down the Hill
20-something girl #1, outside bodega: Why are we waiting here?
20-something girl #2: How many times have I waited for you? My buckets are filled with your bullshit!
–15th St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn
Well, They All Shit. We’ll Have to Wait and See on Your Other Prediction.
Puerto Rican thug: Yo, where’s yo’ baby at?
Puerto Rican thugette: He home with my baby daddy. Don’t you know my baby daddy?
Puerto Rican thug: Word… Where’s yo’ otha friend at?
Puerto Rican thugette: Oh, she havin’ a baby, too, but that girl be doin’ mad drugs. Baby gonna be all retarded and shit.
–Bodega, S 2nd & Driggs
Overheard by: gentrify
What a Plot Twist!
Man: How much for two double-A batteries?
Bodega worker: The good ones or the one-dollar ones?
Man: The dollar ones.
Bodega worker: One dollar.
Man: I’ll take two.
Bodega worker: That will be two dollars.
Man: Two dollars?!
–30th & 6th
Tempting, but I’m Not Gonna Risk It
Old, disgruntled customer: I wish I was young again.
Cashier: Do you believe in reincarnation? You could just kill yourself.
–Deli, Lex Ave, between 38th & 39th
Overheard by: Becki
Wednesday One-Liners Thought Felicity Huffman Deserved that Oscar
Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?
–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave
Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.
–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel
TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Limey
Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’
–26th St
Overheard by: agrees with that girl
College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?
–114th & Broadway
Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.
–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Five Spokes
Hipster hootchie: I was in Miami a couple weeks ago and saw Lucy.
Queer: Oh yeah, how was that?
Hipster hootchie: It was good… Hung out on the beach… I didn’t know she had a wiener…
Queer: You didn’t know she had a wiener?!
Hipster hootchie: No, not until she started doing cartwheels.
–Bodega, Stanton & Ridge
Overheard by: Ryan
The Next Episode of Everybody Hates Chris
Kid: Mama! Can I get these chips?
Woman: Uh-uh! That shit is a dollar! That means no change! Put it back! [Turns to friend] I can’t believe these damn kids with my fuckin’ money! I work eight days a week! And I ain’t suckin’ no dick!
Friend: Mmm-hm.
–145th St & Edgecombe Ave
Overheard by: Sam