Archive for the ‘Bodegas’ Category

Five Spokes

Hipster hootchie: I was in Miami a couple weeks ago and saw Lucy.
Queer: Oh yeah, how was that?
Hipster hootchie: It was good… Hung out on the beach… I didn’t know she had a wiener…
Queer: You didn’t know she had a wiener?!
Hipster hootchie: No, not until she started doing cartwheels.

–Bodega, Stanton & Ridge

Overheard by: Ryan

The Next Episode of Everybody Hates Chris

Kid: Mama! Can I get these chips?
Woman: Uh-uh! That shit is a dollar! That means no change! Put it back! [Turns to friend] I can’t believe these damn kids with my fuckin’ money! I work eight days a week! And I ain’t suckin’ no dick!
Friend: Mmm-hm.

–145th St & Edgecombe Ave

Overheard by: Sam

We Have Ourselves a Match

Teen boy: Do you have any matches?
Counter lady: Can I see ID?
Teen boy: You need ID for matches? For just matches?
Counter lady: I can’t give you matches without ID.
Teen boy: ID for matches…what the fuck is this world coming to? –Bodega, Bay Ridge Overheard by: Tim Noonan Cashier chick: “You’ve got cigarettes, but you don’t have matches? That don’t make sense!” We sell lighters, stupidass. Buy one. –Walgreens, 4th Avenue

Or You Could Swallow a Twinkie

Guy #1: I don’t know man, I thought when I had kids I would no longer want another woman. I thought it would end you?
Guy #2: Yeah yeah, it never ends.
Guy #1: If kids doesn’t do it, how do you make it stop?
Guy #2: Cupcakes. –Bodega, 3rd Avenue & 10th Street

Tastes Not-So-Great, More or Less Filling

Guy #1: Dude, do you actually have a refrigerator this time?
Guy #2: Yeah, of course.
Guy #1: Good, ’cause I don’t want an infection like I got last year from putting the beers in the toilet tank
Guy #3: Man, you chilled the beers in the toilet?
Guy #1: No dude, the toilet tank! I thought I would be safe but I woke up with one swollen eye and two swollen fingers. –Bodega, 12th & B