Middle-aged woman: I want Gloria Steinem’s eyeballs in my fucking martini! –East Village
Gay man: Have you ever smelled your ass, after you buttfuck? –18th & 6th Overheard by: Dana
Seen reading in the Starbucks in the Barnes & Noble on Union Square: a man in his mid-20s reading a book titled, Change your brain, Change your life
Crazy: So I had to get fillings in all of my teeth.
Passenger: Uh huh.
Crazy: But I figured, why let them do that to me after they drilled holes in my brain, ya know?
Crazy: But I figured, might as well! Although if they were going to fill my teeth, I’d want them to use jelly.
Crazy: But the guy at the counter said they were out of jelly. So I got a blueberry muffin.
Overheard by: Johnny Shizzle
Girl #1: I hate how my body is cold but my face is freezing off.
Guy: You could wear a ski mask.
Girl #1: But then you look like a douche.
Girl #2: Yeah, like that guy [across the street].
Girl #1: He’s not wearing a ski mask. He’s black. –26th & 7th Overheard by: Ricki Lagotte
Woman on phone: No, my nose isn’t big by New York standards, but in Texas it’s huge. –Midtown office
Hottie: …and then I want to tell them: less gooch, more cooch. –DtUt, LES Overheard by: e. glass HS kid: My friend’s dad can blow smoke stars. –Columbus Circle
Hubby: That woman just grabbed my ass!
Wifey: Yeah, you wish. –Outside the Hard Rock, W 57th St. Overheard by: Ron Marler
Man: I can’t eat ketchup. It makes my scalp sweat. –West Village
A group of little kids are selling M&Ms on the train, perhaps to raise money for their school’s basketballing team. Homeless black dude with silver teeth enters and proceeds to yell at them. Hobo: I WANT WHAT’S IN YOUR BELLY! I WANT WHAT’S IN YOUR BELLY! –L Train Overheard by: Vickers Bastard Gringo