Girl: What’s the difference between a priest and a pimple?
Guy: What?
Girl: A pimple waits until you’re 13 before coming on your face.
–Greenwich St., Financial District
Archive for the ‘Body Parts’ Category
That’s why everyone’s in tight clothing
Overweight woman: “I honesty think there must be a shortage of fabric or material because all shirts are baby tees and all pants are to small and low on the hips, I dont get it” – Manhattan
Those are some tambourines you have
Woman upon seeing a Mariachi band walk by: Why do they have tambourines on their legs? – Manhattan
No More Enemas, Huh?
Gray-haired Man: I can get a hell of a lot more with my finger than I can with that. –East of Eighth, 23rd St. Overheard by: Megan Buckley
You Should See What I Stuck in the Drain
Girl: …And you hadda stick your damn FINGER down the toilet! –28th bet. 3rd and Lex Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Malice Goes to Style Court
Guy: Who would you rather have sex with? The girl with the lazy eye or the fat chick?
Girl: Lazy eye.
Guy: Yeah, she’s got a good body.
–Style Court Audience
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Sick Not Funny
Mother (to son): Well, I thought you had beautiful legs, Greg. –Lower East Side
How to succeed and make lots of money
Young man comes up to the manager of a cafe in Brooklyn sitting next to me, inquires about the “help wanted” ad outside, and during the course of an impromptu job interview says, “I just wanted to tell you that for my emotional health I can’t work too hard, and especially I can’t move my wrists that much. So how hard would I work here?”
Get This Man a TV Show!
Crazy: So I had to get fillings in all of my teeth.
Passenger: Uh huh.
Crazy: But I figured, why let them do that to me after they drilled holes in my brain, ya know?
Passenger: Sure.
Crazy: But I figured, might as well! Although if they were going to fill my teeth, I’d want them to use jelly.
Passenger: Yep.
Crazy: But the guy at the counter said they were out of jelly. So I got a blueberry muffin.
–R train
Overheard by: Johnny Shizzle
NYC Forecast: Snow, Wind, Heavy Chance of Racism
Girl #1: I hate how my body is cold but my face is freezing off.
Guy: You could wear a ski mask.
Girl #1: But then you look like a douche.
Girl #2: Yeah, like that guy [across the street].
Girl #1: He’s not wearing a ski mask. He’s black.
–26th & 7th
Overheard by: Ricki Lagotte